Submission Manchester

Diary of a Chastity slave 2025 Update and Apply

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Diary of a Chastity slave...

By MistressLolaRuin | March 27, 2018

Chastity is one of My favourite ways to torment My adoring slaves. In fact, it was one of the first fetishes I really delved into as a young Domme, and I would often lock My boyfriend of the time up overnight. Seeing My partner wake up in agony next time Me as his CB6000 constricted his painful morning hard on was a satisfying power trip. Most of these mornings began with his begging to be unlocked... A hilarious way to start the day.

My love of it has evolved over the years as I have grown into the teasing, sensual Dominant I am today. It plays so well into all of My other favourite fetishes... Masturbation control, orgasm denial, edging, cuckolding, and of course ruined orgasm!

Not only do I like the obvious of having a denied cock in a cage, but I love how that experience seeps into everyday life for My submissives. Their cage serves as a constant reminder of their servitude, and the power I hold over them. Like a painful, frustrating collar they can't remove. Equal parts physical and psychological Domination... 🙂

I recently decided to lock up a regular serving slave of Mine for 7 days prior to his session with Me, and asked that he keep a diary of his experience under My lock and key. With his permission have published it below for you perverts to peruse over... Enjoy!

The Locking

There has become a strangely ritualistic method to locking myself in chastity, and tonight was no exception. I wash myself unconstrained by the device for the last time in what is usually but not always a pre-determined period leading up to a session (sometimes Mistress might choose to extend my time in chastity beyond O/our sessions, which tends to be even more frustrating than the prelude), I carefully wash the various bits of the device, and then try to close up the cage and lock it.
 
I say ‘try’ only because it can take both time and patience: the whole experience is obviously quite psychologically stimulating – anticipating the frustration to come, the satisfaction of subordinating my natural impulses to the command of my Mistress, and so on – but squeezing (quite literally) into the disassembled plastic cage has its own physiological thrill, so that becoming flaccid enough to fit inside often involves a bit of a wait.
 
An obvious solution would be to ‘relieve’ myself before trying to put on the cage, but that feels as though it would be flouting the spirit if not the letter of Mistress’s instructions about when I should be locked away. In any case, I think there could be a piece of me that quite enjoys a short period of voluntary forbearance before I use the cage, so that when I do finally lock it shut it feels like a relief not have to rely on willpower alone.
 
Anyway, the cage is now on, and although I know some of what to expect over the next week or so the experience is always a little different, and with a session with Mistress to look forward to it will certainly not be without frustration.

Day 1

This was my first morning waking up wearing the cage during this stint in chastity. Naturally the first sensation of which I became aware was the press of the plastic – smooth, but very constraining – against my flesh. One of the benefits of wearing it is that it ensures that Mistress is the first person I think of when I wake up; the drawback is that there is little to do with the emotional response that it provokes other than to look forward to seeing Her soon, and try to put out of mind the rather feverish desire to worship Her, feel Her tightening ropes and wrist cuffs, and so on… you can perhaps guess how successful that has been.

Day 2

Today I wore the cage in public for the first time in this period of chastity. I don’t think of myself as a particularly self-conscious person but it always feels as though any casual observer should be able to tell that I’m carrying something a little extra (with some frustrated emphasis on the ‘little’).
 
Mistress sometimes teases me with the thought of having to wear the cage through an airport security check. Just thinking about it now as I write this is making me blush a little, and I’m sure I’d be mortified if such a private thing were discovered in such a public way. As I observed to Mistress in one of O/our sessions, in the most optimistic scenario it might at least be an odd way to discover a shared interest with a kindred spirit, but much more likely is that the whole thing would just be deeply, deeply embarrassing.

Day 3

I find sexual longing quite an ineffable, chaotic thing, but I certainly felt that today was the most frustrating so far. I’m used to an initial difficulty right at the start of a period in chastity, when the habit of complete freedom still needs to be broken, followed by a frustration that tends to come in waves. Today was definitely the crest of a wave: even in company my mind tends to wander to my chastity cage, attractive female figures linger more in the imagination, and so on.
 
The worst part is when I forget about the cage, and the urge for a ‘release’ creeps in, only for me to realise that there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m starting mentally to count down the days remaining in chastity rather than the days I’ve gone through.

Day 4

Apparently the pent up desire from yesterday has not subsided: I woke up this morning absolutely straining against the confines of the chastity cage. I allowed myself a few minutes just staying in bed, thinking about worshipping Mistress (not a bad way to wake up, but it didn’t do anything for my sense of frustration). The aching and throbbing this sort of thing inspires is starting to get difficult to take, and I can definitely feel the urge for release growing.
 
At one point I actually felt an instinct to laugh. I reflected that it would be difficult to make anyone unfamiliar with this situation understand what I’m feeling, and even if I could I should think it would be unlikely I would inspire much sympathy.

Day 5

Once again the morning was characterised by easily provoked, difficult to contain desire. I don’t know if spending most of this week at home is a good thing from the point of view of putting up with this frustration: although it avoids some visual (public) stimulation, it certainly gives me plenty of time to dwell on the chastity, and to look forward to my session with Mistress at the end of the week (I’m not trying to exaggerate for effect, but the days do really seem to be passing more slowly than normal).
 
In the afternoon I had the distraction of quite a bit of work to do, however, and I thought it would be in the spirit of this enforced period of chastity if afterwards I were to watch a couple of Mistress’s video clips to remind me both of that I’m missing out on and what I can look forward to. Mistress knows that I have a particular weakness for ass worship, and that tends to dictate what I watch outside our sessions too, so you can imagine that – particularly in this state of heightened desire – I didn’t struggle to find a few clips to restore and sustain the sensation of painful confinement I’ve been describing for the past few days.

Day 6

Today was probably the first of this period of chastity that I felt a little bit of a lull in the urge for a release. I think partly it had to do – again – with having a fair amount of work to keep me distracted, but perhaps the expectation of freedom over when I can have an orgasm is starting to decline. If so that would be quite satisfying from the perspective of having subordinated that desire to Mistress’s command (on the other hand, I try to avoid giving myself too much credit, and it could be premature in any case).
 
I also think I’m starting to get quite used to wearing the cage. For at least the first few mornings there tends to be a moment of surprise and recollection to see and feel it in place, but now it’s starting to feel a bit more like a fixture. I could almost forget I was wearing it if it weren’t for the rattle of the padlock against the plastic; thinking it might reduce the visible profile of the cage, I’ve used a slightly smaller lock than I usually do, and as a result it has a bit more room to move about. I haven’t noticed it making a noise under clothing, but I’m sure it’s going to feel quite persistent and noticeable during my session with Mistress.

Day 7

Today marks the longest period for which I’ve been locked in chastity. At times it has felt difficult to sustain, although of course the cage means I haven’t had to rely on willpower alone. More importantly, tomorrow I will get to see Mistress; as you can imagine, by now just the thought of Her is enough to have me straining inside the cage. Just writing this is already provoking a reaction, which perhaps serves to demonstrate that my tentative suggestion of some shift in my desire for release was indeed premature. I should think that bodes well for a frustrating, exciting time tomorrow.

Unlocking

I’ve been trying for about half an hour to work out where to start this final update: after what seems to have been an interminable wait (or at least it would have seemed that way, if I hadn’t been chronicling it) today I had my session with Mistress. As I write this some hours later I’m still in a little bit of a daze about the whole thing, not to say physically and mentally spent, but I’ll fight against the inclination to make this merely a stream of consciousness account of the session as fragments of it surface and re-surface in my mind.
 
As always I was kneeling naked on the floor of the dungeon when Mistress entered. I was already bulging inside the chastity cage just from the sound of Her footsteps in the corridor outside, but when She opened the door dressed in a gorgeous, black latex leotard and wheeling a mysterious black case behind Her, I felt all the pent-up frustration of the past week or so come washing back over me. I kissed Her once on each foot and then, as She sat on Her throne and I knelt in front of Her, worshipping Her high-heeled leather shoes, W/we talked about how my week in chastity had gone, how I felt writing these updates, and so on.
 
With the cage still in place Mistress let me worship Her bottom, teasing me as I did so about how quickly and easily I was provoked into audible expressions of frustration and delight. Even with my cock throbbing incessantly inside the cage I could have knelt with Her gently rolling Her bottom across my face for an eternity. As it is I couldn’t reliably say how long this lasted, just that it felt over too soon!
 
Mistress then let me polish Her latex outfit – in my fevered and eager state it seemed like I mistakenly poured out half the bottle of polish into my hands – before instructing me that by way of payment for the pleasure She had already granted me, and that in order to earn my release from chastity, I was going to have to be restrained and caned.
 
I find I can never truly prepare for the stinging, pulsing pain of being caned: Mistress said that W/we would be aiming for at least forty strokes, and there was a moment – I find it always comes at some point – that I wondered if I would be able to make it, but with Mistress periodically letting me worship Her bottom, and running Her fingertips over my neck and back, W/we did. In fact I lost count of how many strokes W/we had got to as Mistress started to cane me on one cheek to even up the marks (Mistress also reminded me that I should be thankful for Her having taken my mind off the chastity cage…).


 
After a moment to let me have a look at my new stripes in the mirrored wall of the dungeon, Mistress instructed me to lay on the leather surface of the dungeon’s four-poster bed, telling me that although on this occasion She was not going to tie me down, She would do so if I bucked around too much (an ominous warning). She started by gently teasing my still caged cock with a magic wand, before She finally unlocked me, laughing as the cage sprung open the moment the lock was removed.
 
Alternating between the magic wand, Her Venus milking machine and the throbbing, lacerating pain of Her E-stim unit – the mysterious black case explained – She teased me for what seemed an age; after more than a week locked in the rather sterile, almost sensationless confines of the chastity cage, you can imagine how overwhelming all this sudden stimulation was.
 
Finally, perching Herself just over my face, Mistress instructed me to bring myself to orgasm. I would have considered it unthinkable beforehand to take more than a few seconds to manage it given this sort of provocation, but the unexpected relinquishing of self-control and the imperative to achieve the orgasm in the time allotted meant it took longer and more effort than I would have imagined. When it came, though, the orgasm was the most satisfying and the most exhausting one I’ve ever had. For at least a few seconds afterwards I couldn’t concentrate on anything but the sense of release, and my shallow, quivering breath and pounding chest.
 
Rather sub-spaced out, I showered – absent-mindedly taking what seemed like an indecently long time to do so – and was starting to get dressed when Mistress instructed me that I would be wearing the chastity cage home. She had prepared me for the possibility that She might decide to make me do so, but it wasn’t until that moment that the command was confirmed.
 


So here I am, writing this update and locked up again. For now I feel on too much of a high, with too much to process and reflect on, for the cage to really bother me, but I think the odds are that the morning will bring back the old, familiar frustration.

 

Until next time…

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UK Dominatrix Tips: A Guide in Kink Domination

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This was written in 2021, and has been updated for 2024.

A Guide in Kink Domination via Webcam and Virtual Commands to Obey

By MistressLolaRuin | August 1, 2024

COVID forced most of our kinky lives online, and with that many of us are scratching our naughty itch virtually, even if we have never done so before (personally it has been years since I offered webcam domination in any kind of consistent way). For many of you, this may be a brand new way to play and serve, and whilst new things can be exciting, they can also be daunting.

So… how can you improve your virtual experiences? What can you do as a submissive to make Distance Domination even more thrilling and fulfilling?

UK Professional Dominatrix - Femdom Distance Domination via Webcam

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Here are my Top 10 Tips for how you can improve your experience…

Femme Doms and Dominatrix: How To Choose The Right Dominant in Manchester and UK Nationwide

You will know from my website that I'm based in Manchester and pre-Covid was very active in London for weekend bookings, overnight escort dates and Extended Experiences locally in Thameside, Manchester and UK Nationwide when restrictions are lifted. Choose your Dominant carefully. I'm saying this as a word of precaution: I have seen a huge rise in the number of catfishers using Dominants photos to scam money for things like webcam sessions from unsuspecting submissives who have not done their research. If you see a Dominant you like on Instagram or Twitter, you should immediately Google their website. See if it looks legit, and check it actually links to the same profile you found. If they don’t have a website, that should raise some flags.

Also, search for their name online and see what you can find… other social profiles, clip stores, reviews, interviews. Most genuine Dommes have all of the above and more, usually with intricate levels of detail of how they most enjoy playing with their submissives and how you can apply to serve them. This should help you to know… firstly, is this Domme genuine, and secondly, do their interests align with your own?

Dominatrix Webcam Bookings Online - Choosing The Perfect Platform for your Submissive Slavery Sessions

Adultwork and Niteflirt are just two well know platforms which Dommes can offer dominatrix sessions through, and if you’re not sure where to begin your search for a Dominatrix, I would suggest starting there. However… these sites do take a cut, so if you have already chosen a Domme independently of these websites, contact them directly and ask what is their preferred platform and payment processing for webcam sessions (if that isn't already listed on their website).

As with all submission, you should always be striving to make your Dominants life better… and whilst some Dommes may like the ease of using these platforms, others will prefer you book webcam domination directly and cut out the middle man. Again... make sure this is a genuine Dominant before you send money directly by doing your research. If in doubt, hold out and wait until you find someone who looks more trustworthy.

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Slaves Sit Up: A Domme Will Demand You Talk - Ruined Orgasm to Roleplay

Speak up! Verbally (or by email) describe your likes and no go areas clearly and succinctly. Articulate in the best way possible to your Dominatrix, She will learn quickly how best to thrill, or to delay your ultimate pleasure.

Tips for communicating your submissive desires with your domination of choice: A few sentences along the lines of ‘I want a therapist roleplay where we begin more vanilla but you become crueller as the session goes on, eventually culminating in a ruined orgasm. I also enjoy edging and nipple play, for example.

'I do not like CBT or anal play’ is perfectly fine, and this is plenty for most Dommes to run with!

Striking the balance between being too vague or too prescriptive will serve you well whenever you are approaching a Dominant, whether that's for virtual domination or any other kind of play.

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Articulating Effectively in Virtual Domination Webcam Sessions

Contrary to popular opinion, ‘anything you want Mistress’ is generally hard work for most Dommes. We are not mind-readers, and it is even more difficult for us to read body language when we offer virtual sessions. So, make sure you articulate your likes clearly when you apply for your webcam session.

Equally, being too specific can really sap the fun out of it for the Dominant, and lead to a lack lustre webcam session where we spend more time trying to remember your endless list of likes than allowing the play to unfold organically. I have had submissives email me incredibly long scripts for play before, and the more you include the more likely it is I won’t know which parts are the most important or thrilling for you.

Webcam Domination and Submissive Communication - A Dominatrix Mistress Demands Respect From Her Slaves

Before you apply to a Dominatrix, take a moment to really collect your thoughts, and jot down any and all questions you may have regarding distance domination, rather than later bombarding with countless emails each with a single, different question. Of course, you should also be reading their website meticulously to see if your question is already answered there, try my Manchester Mistress - About Me page for a good start.

Do you have any questions about the life of an educated dominatrix? Read my AMA.

Dominatrix Diary - Read more articles

Edging, Chastity, Ruined Orgasms, Forced Orgasms, and Post-Orgasm Torment
FemDom, Power and Submission to your Domme
Discover the delights of your Dominatrix Lola Ruin
Brand Awareness and Communicating Kinks - A New Dommes Guide

Pay to Play the Professional in a Respectful Way - Less is More

I generally find that the fewer emails I exchange with a submissive before a webcam session, the more likely I am going to enjoy their company as they obviously respect both me and my time. And under no circumstances should you be sending suggestive or sexy messages unless you have consent and are tipping to do so. Professional Dominants are just that… professionals.

What is Subdrop? BDSM Sessions with Manchester Mistress Lola Ruin

You should always treat them as such, and leave the more saucy stuff to when you are actually in a virtual session unless you have agreed to pay more for email play.

Distance Domination Webcam Online Virtual Domme Sessions - Preparation and Remove distractions

If you live with others, schedule the call at a time when they won't be home (hard in lockdown of course!), or at least when they won’t be likely to disturb you. Put your phone on silent and out of the way. Close down all other programs on your laptop. Turn off the TV or any other electronics you won't be using. Some light background music is acceptable, but the speakers should be as far away from your laptop microphone as possible, and the music should be whisper quiet.

I would also suggest having a set of headphones to hand in case you find you get feedback once your session begins... nothing will break the mood more than some deafening echo bouncing between you and your Domme as you scramble to find some earphones! Make sure that your space is as peaceful as possible, so you can focus totally on serving your Dominant.

Remote Dominatrix Webcam Sessions - Test your laptop

Run some internet tests to check that everything is working smoothly, because if there’s one thing that will break your submissive headspace, it’s finding out 2 minutes before your webcam session is due to start that your laptop won’t connect.

Do this a few hours prior to your session, and again within the 15 minutes just before. Make sure all your software and drivers are up to date, and most importantly that your laptop is plugged in.

Your computer battery dying 10 minutes into your session will ruin it, and not in the fun way 😉

Submissive Tips from a Professional Domme - Prepare your space

Imagine that your Dominant isn’t just appearing on your computer screen, but is actually coming into your room. Would you invite them over with dirty underwear strewn across the floor and used cups all over the sideboards? Of course not, and you should treat webcam domination exactly the same.

Clean away all the clutter, make sure your space looks immaculate, and maybe even put on some mood lighting and candles… make the space as inviting as you would if a Dominant were really in your home. If you have toys you wish to play with during the session, have them laid out neatly, clean, and within arms reach. A tidy space equals a tidy mind, and will allow you to keep all your attention on your session and your Dominants commands.

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Prepare to Submit to Her Demands - Slavery and Pleasing your Domina

I believe this to be one of the most important things you can do to get the most out of your session... by building up to it with a long ritual for yourself so that you are already in a submissive headspace before you even begin. Perhaps you want to watch some of your Dommes clips beforehand to help ease you into a submissive state ready for her orders? Or you could take some time to mediate on what it is you hope to gain from this session, and how you hope to please your Domina. Give your mind some breathing space, focusing on yourself and your submission, so that you can come to your webcam session refreshed and ready to please your Dominant.

Submissives: Obey every Dominatrix Command - Use Miss and 'Yes Mistress' with Respect

Finally… once your webcam session begins, remember your etiquette and be as obedient and respectful as possible. Address your Dominant correctly based on what they like, whether that be Mistress, Miss, Domina or some other title. Always use that title when answering questions.... If there is one thing I dislike, it is when a submissive answers me 'yeah' as though I am a mate down the pub, and not 'Yes Mistress' with the respect a Dominant rightfully deserves.

If you wish to ask for something specific or give feedback during the session, then always do it with the utmost respect. An example would be ‘Please Mistress, I beg of you to allow me to stroke’. Every Domme will have their own rules and etiquette, and you should expect to be corrected to their standards. But make sure they need never correct you twice.

Domination Decompress

Finally, allow yourself some time after your session to float back down to reality. Just as before with your pre-session ritual, think about how you can give yourself a post session ritual. Maybe treat yourself to a long relaxing bath whilst you replay the most enjoyable memories of your webcam session. Listen to some of your favourite music and pamper yourself.

Take some time just for yourself again, to come back down to earth and reflect on your domination session... maybe pick up an Oscar Wilde book.

The Victorian era was a caged society in the sense that this period was characterised by stringent social codes and rigid hierarchies.

Society was a gilded cage, its inhabitants expected to conform to exacting standards of behaviour, morality, and appearance.

Appearances were paramount, and any deviation from the norm was met with censure. This constrictive environment provided fertile ground for a mind as sharp and rebellious as Oscar Wilde’s.

Wilde, with his flamboyant attire, aestheticist philosophy, and penchant for witty repartee, was a stark contrast to the prevailing societal norms. His overt homosexuality, while not explicitly addressed in his works, challenged the heteronormative expectations of the time. Wilde's very existence was a subversion of the Victorian ideal of the respectable gentleman.
Satire as a Weapon

Wilde masterfully employed satire as a weapon to dismantle the façade of Victorian respectability. His plays, such as “The Importance of Being Earnest,” are sparkling comedies on the surface but beneath the wit lies a trenchant critique of the superficiality and hypocrisy of the upper class. Through characters like Lady Bracknell, Wilde exposed the absurdity of social climbing and the importance placed on appearances over substance.

By highlighting the ridiculousness of societal conventions, Wilde invited his audience to question the norms they had unquestioningly accepted. His satirical genius not only entertained but also provoked thought, encouraging a reassessment of the values underpinning Victorian society.

Oscar Wilde's public persona as a wit and aesthete was carefully cultivated. However, the complexities of his private life were far removed from the glittering image he presented to the world. His relationships with both men and women were unconventional for the time, challenging societal expectations about gender and sexuality.

Closeted Behind The Boudoir Screen

The contrast between Wilde's public image and his private life highlights the performative nature of Victorian society. Individuals were expected to adhere to rigid roles, and any deviation from these roles was met with condemnation. Wilde's experience demonstrates the personal cost of living a life that did not conform to societal expectations.

Enjoy your playtime perverts, and I hope you find my tips helpful!

Until next time, stay dominant

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Manchester Mistress: BDSM is therapeutic, it is not therapy

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For those of you loyal readers who have been following Me for a while, you will remember that I have previously written on the therapeutic value of BDSM. It can be, in many ways, an incredibly healing and valuable experience. However I have and will always maintain that there should be a clear distinction between BDSM as a therapeutic experience and actual therapy. Today's blog is going to delve deep into the reasons why I believe such a distinction is so important.

Dominatrix, Domme and Sub: BDSM is Catharsis, Not Counselling

The emotional and physical catharsis gained from kink is undeniable. Having orgasms, relinquishing your sense of control, being beaten… these are all things which release numerous chemicals in the brain, flooding you with feel good chemicals which can make people feel fantastic. BDSM can be incredibly cathartic as a practice, and can give people both the physical and emotional space to engage in difficult topics or feelings, but it is not the same as undergoing genuine mental health treatment.

For people suffering from mental health problems, especially those stemming from trauma, medical and psychological treatment is vital. Can reframing a traumatic event under the guise of an experienced Dominatrix feel cathartic? Absolutely. Is it a substitute for actually unpacking trauma with a licensed psychotherapist? Absolutely not. If you agree, apply now to serve Me.

BDSM in Manchester - Tameside Playspace - Kink As A Form Of Self Care

There are many activities that can provide a general sense of wellbeing and calm when undertaken regularly, such as daily exercise, meditation, and yoga, and it is important to carve out time in your life to dedicate solely to pleasure and self care. But most people would rightly scoff at the suggestion that someone dealing with mental health issues should simply go for a run, or do some asanas. Leigh Cowart in Hurts So Good, her book chronicling the human practice of engaging with pain on purpose, considers BDSM as a tool to be exercised for personal growth. And, as kink is such an exhilarating experience, it is much closer to the earlier forms of self care I mentioned above than it is to actual therapy. There is nothing wrong with taking a holistic approach to your own well being, in fact I encourage it! But the very first and most important piece of that puzzle should always be with a professional therapist.

The entire ethos of risk aware consensual kink is that you must think carefully about what types of risks are involved in any activity. There is always risk involved in BDSM, whether physical, emotional, or mental. To treat kink as therapy when you are not a trained therapist means you are choosing treatment for yourself without understanding what impacts it may have on you.

Sub Domination, Masculinity, and the Freedom To Seek Treatment

The wider social stigma around mental health and seeking treatment is lessening thanks to many people speaking out about it so openly and honestly, however that does not negate the fact that people are still generally not socialised to be very open about their mental health. Men in particular are given the message that they should just get on with it, and forego expressing or even feeling their feelings freely. Men are told to ‘man up’ and ‘deal with it’ – a toxic form of masculinity which will often deter them from seeking professional help.

On the flip side to that however, men are massively encouraged to be ‘sexually successful’. To see exploration of sex as a key component of being ‘A Real Man’. Is the coupling of these two messages why so many men instead seek support from professional sex workers than licensed psychotherapists? The message that men can and/or should replace genuine treatment and support from mental health professionals by engaging in BDSM further drives home the idea that they should ignore their emotions and instead focus on their sexual identity. This is incredibly harmful and disrespectful to men as fully formed emotional beings, and trust me when I say it is not a healthy approach to your own mental health, sexuality or relationships.

Manchester Playspace for BDSM: Your Play Is Not Your Therapy from your Domme

For those who play within their intimate relationships, including the ones you pay for, it is imperative to remember that your play partner is not your therapist. If you feel that the kink you engage in helps your well being and brings you a sense of calm, that’s awesome. But, as mentioned above, people without specific mental health training are unequivocally not qualified to prescribe a form of treatment to either themselves or anyone else.

Requiring that your intimate partner be responsible for your mental health via the play you share is not only an unfair burden, but a very unhealthy dynamic for the both of you. By assuming that their participation in your play will mitigate or even resolve your struggles, you are setting them an impossible task, and trust me when I say it will eventually put a huge strain on them and on your relationship.

Your Manchester Mistress Dom/me Is Not Your Therapist

Continuing on from that, BDSM professionals are not therapists (and any one who acts like they are should look like a giant, waving red flag to you). It is perfectly normal to feel very close to the Professional Dom/me you are serving, regardless of whether that’s through long term servitude or within the confines of a single session. It’s also perfectly normal to want to share yourself with them. Opening up emotionally can feel very natural when you have not only shared but also indulged in your sexy secrets together.

However it is also important to remember that a Professional Dom/me is there to provide a specific BDSM experience, and not to act as a surrogate therapist. To ignore this and not respect the boundaries of a BDSM session is unhealthy and toxic for all involved, and has the potential to harm or trigger both of you. I would caution any submissive to be very wary of any Dom/me who advertises their sessions as therapy, unless they can provide specific evidence of credentials. Even then, therapists maintain very clear boundaries between themselves and their clients for the wellbeing of both parties. For a Dom/me to claim their sessions are literally therapy, or an appropriate substitute for it, is to my mind highly unethical.

Lola Ruin Articles - Tips for Dommes, Ruined Oragasm and BDSM Dominatrix in Manchester

Final Thoughts

In Summary, you cannot work through or process mental health struggles or trauma only through engaging in BDSM practices. They can certainly help reframe certain contexts or scenarios as positive by providing people with the chance to form new pathways.  They can help people to feel a greater sense of embodiment or autonomy. They can enable people to develop emotional and mental resilience and flexibility. They can also bring a much needed release from the pressures of life.

However, deciding that you will forego the support and treatment of a doctor or licensed therapist, who has spent years in training to help you, in order to opt for BDSM sessions, is irresponsible. I say this as someone with a degree in psychology (and who once upon a time wanted to become a therapist, before I discovered whips and chains), and as a Dominatrix with over a decade of professional play under my belt. I, like most Dom/mes, am not qualified to help you unpack trauma.

BDSM is a wonderful experience and practice, but when considering approaches to treating mental health your favourite professional BDSM practitioner should be at the very bottom of the list of professionals to seek help from - after properly licensed and accredited mental health professionals, therapists, counsellors, and doctors.

Until next time,

Manchester Mistress Dominatrix BDSM Ashton Under Lyne Playspace Chambers Dungeon Fetish FemDom Kinky - 484
Manchester Mistress Expert Dominatrix Lola Ruin

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Tameside Playspace Manchester BDSM Dominatrix Sessions

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I spent many years working in shared playspace premises, but opening my own personal playspace was a dream for a long time. To have the freedom to create premises which reflected my own taste and was constructed especially for my own slaves... Finally, that dream became a reality in 2017.

Just a few minutes walk from Ashton Under Lyne centre, my Manchester playspace is a portal into another world... a gorgeous and bespoke space created entirely to serve as the setting for your deepest and darkest fantasies.

A conversion of an industrial unit, the white brick are adorned with candles and coloured lights, allowing to change the ambience to suit even the most demanding scenes. Filled with heavy steel and black leather furniture, and packed to the brim with every piece of kinky equipment imaginable (more on that below), here your expectations will be exceeded. The walls are embellished with two of my favourite Artists, the delightfully erotic Carolyn Weltman and the incomparable Sardax.

Of course, a loud sound system will both fill the room with whatever music I deem best for your scene, and will help to drown out your squeals.

Manchester Mistress Dominatrix BDSM Ashton Under Lyne Playspace Chambers Dungeon Fetish FemDom Kinky - 630

Dominatrix Submission - Sub Applications Now Open Again

Every last detail of my dungeon has been meticulously curated with my submissives pain and pleasure in mind... begin your deliciously deep experince and Apply Today to join me in my exlusive playspace.

My chambers are incredibly well served by all Manchester transport links, with the Railway Station, Bus Station and Metrolink all only a 5 minute walk away, and just short 15 minute journey from Manchester city centre. For submissives who drive, my playspace is surrounded by ample free parking in an industrial area. You will enter my realm through a door tucked away in a private courtyard... keeping the most timid amongst you safe in the knowledge there will be no nosey curtain twitching neighbours clocking you entering or leaving my playspace.

Of course, most exciting of all in my playspace is the equipment!

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My playroom is packed to the brim with every piece of kinky kit you could dream of. Alongside the standard heavier furniture such as bondage bed, A Frame, Cage an so on, I have all the smaller implements you crave... whips, gags and clamps galore! A more extensive list of my equipment can be found here, but for now, allow me to give you a deeper introduction to 3 of my favourite toys...

Venus Milking Machine
This is my absolute favourite toy bar none. With variable settings and receivers to get exactly the right fit for your milking, the sensation can range from achingly slow to making you cum within seconds! Just imagine me being able to control your pleasure and frustration with a turn of the dial...

F-Machine Gigolo Fucking Machine
One of the top rated machines available, the Gigolo is totally customisable to suit everyone, from the nervous beginner to the experienced strap on sluts! Perhaps we can introduce you with a sensual start before cranking it up to it's impressive top speeds... Best of all, an adapter means I can use ANY of my extensive dildo collection, and the remote control allows me to subject you to even more forms of torment whilst this Fuck Machine works its magic...

MasterMindCrafts Smother Box
For the facesitting aficionados amongst you, this can smother you like never before. Head clamps allow me to lock you exactly into place, and an inflatable pillow means I can pump you up to exactly the right height to be totally at my mercy, buried between my cheeks...

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Roleplay is encouraged. Tell me your desires.

Oscar Wilde "The Importance of Being Earnest," is a quintessential example of his satirical genius. Disguised as a frivolous comedy of manners, the play is a scathing critique of the superficiality and hypocrisy of the upper classes. Through characters such as Lady Bracknell, Wilde exposes the absurdity of social conventions, the obsession with appearances, and the importance placed on social status.

The play's sharp and deliberate dialogue and clever plot twists serve to mask the underlying social commentary, making it both entertaining and thought-provoking. I hope that you're thinking of characters that would appeal to your kink.

Your Mistress is educated, elegant and sophisticated when we take day trips together. I enjoy shopping, which allows you to treat Me with gifts that may belie what's under my outfit.

The importance of female companionship in Wilde's life cannot be overstated. Women such as Constance Lloyd, his wife, and the various socialites who frequented his salons, played a crucial role in shaping his public image. Their presence provided a veneer of respectability, while also offering a counterpoint to his more flamboyant aspects. It is possible that these relationships influenced Wilde's understanding of women and gender roles, informing the complex female characters in his works.

The nature of Oscar Wilde's relationships with women remains a subject of speculation over the centuries. While some have argued that his marriages were based on convenience rather than love, others suggest that he possessed a genuine affection for the women in his life.

Alongside my dedicated playroom, my premises also boast an Art Deco boudoir as a haven of sleek sophistication, decorated with bold geometric patterns, rich jewel tones, and luxurious materials. Gleaming chrome accents and mirrored surfaces reflect the room's glamour, while plush velvet upholstery and soft lighting create an intimate atmosphere. The overall effect is one of refined decadence and timeless elegance.

A Large, 'Art Deco' Reception Room
The perfect space for those of you seeking either a more 'domestic' or homely setting for your fantasies, this is also the perfect place to wind down with a cup of coffee after our play time. This room is home to a large sofa adorned with velvet cushions, candles, mood lighting and a widescreen TV.

A Small Bathroom
With toilet and a shower, plus an abundance of freshly laundered towels and all the toiletries you could possibly want, such as shampoo, condition, shower gel, toothpaste and brushes, deodorant and mouthwash.

A Kitchenette
Always stocked with a selection of different coffees, teas, small snacks and juices, along with kettle, toaster, fridge, freezer. Perfect for my extended experiences!

FemDom, Power and Submission to your Domme

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Hello all, I wanted to discuss the truth about BDSM communities and The Physiology of Play!

What kind of services do you desire the most? On My website you can order custom video clips, what would you like me to do or say? Here you can view my wishlist, and apply online to be my servant.

Femme Domme Sessions In Person – Manchester Incalls

When in person sessions are booked online, you’ll only be speaking with myself during the process. I’ll be asking some questions to uncover your secret needs, and together we can plan our meeting at my playspace. Book your session online now.

The videos below are from my YouTube channel, click to visit the Mistress Lola Ruin channel and view all of my public uploads.

The acronym B.D.S.M. was first published in a Usenet publication way back in 1991. At the time it was logically interpreted as a combination of the abbreviations B/D (Bondage and Discipline), D/s (Dominance and Submission) and S/M (Sadism and Masochism) which were shortened to the 4 letters we all know so well… BDSM. The term “Femdom” originated in the BDSM community in the late 20th century. It is a shortened form of “Female Domination.” If you’re familiar with my work, you’ve likely come across both these terms before!

What does BDSM mean and what’s the culture like.. and subcultures?

As an umbrella, catch-all phrase, BDSM covers a wide and varied range of activities, many different forms of interpersonal relationships (including those paid and those for pleasure), as well as distinct subcultures. Around the world these subcultures vary from region to region, their popularity dependent on nuances and differences between each language and cultural acceptance. You can even go further down the rabbit hole and find subcultures within subcultures… From leather daddies in the Dyke community, all the way through to TradWives on TikTok (yes, it is clearly a fetish, lol)

Kinky Ballet – Rope Play with Master and submissive and Dominant

In the BDSM world, we’ve used the terms submissive and dominant to distinguish these roles. The dominant partner, or in my case “Domme”, takes on psychological control over the submissive, or “sub”. There are other terms too, like “top” and “bottom”, and activity specific terms such as ‘Rigger’ and ‘bunny’ for rope play. The one at the top instigates an action, while the one at the bottom is the recipient. Think of it like a weird, kinky ballet – everyone has their part to play. But remember, these roles can be fluid and self-identification can be a hot topic of debate among BDSM participants. Although the inferior performs the action and the superior receives it, roles have not necessarily been exchanged.

The abbreviations sub and Dom are often used in place of submissive and Dominant. Sometimes the female-specific terms Mistress, Dominatrix, Domina and Domme are used to describe a Dominant woman, instead of the sometimes gender-neutral term Dominant, with Master and Dom usually referring to Dominant men. Individuals who transition from the superior/dominant role to the inferior/submissive role, either from one relationship to another or within a given relationship, are called switches.

At the heart of all of this, is a Power Play…

Power Inequality Increases the Experience Excitement with Implication.

I’d like to recognise that generally speaking, BDSM communities are super welcoming anyone with a non-normative streak who identifies with the community; it’s accepting to Queer folks, marginalised genders, body modification enthusiasts with tattoos and piercings, role-players, rubber fetishists and everything in between (so long as you’re respectful, understand and practice consent, and crucially, aren’t creepy).

In the BDSM community, the dynamics of activities and relationships often involve willing participants embracing complementary roles and recognising power imbalances. So, as I mentioned above, it’s really important that everyone involved gives ongoing, informed consent. While written agreements might not always be used, chatting about boundaries and building trust are paramount to having a good experience. I personally believe it’s crucial to establish a unique ‘safe word’ or phrase ahead of time for each relationship or casual play session. Whilst this may be forgone once you know and trust each other, it’s essential for first time encounters. This shared safe word should be highly respected, with the promise to never overlook or violate a partner’s trust. Anyone who doesn’t treat safe words with this respect aren’t welcome in the BDSM community very long.

The physiology of BDSM play

In this fun and exciting world of BDSM, the hormone Oxytocin – the chemical often associated with love and affection – plays a big part in bonding and savouring those shared moments between play partners. This special hormone linked to trust and desire can make a grand entrance during physical contact and the thrilling anticipation of BDSM play sessions. This chemical reaction supercharges the unique trust dynamics and respect for boundaries, which are the heart and soul of the BDSM community.

Read more of my articles on subjects close to my heart, and hopefully yours too.

Noradrenaline and Adrenaline – The Arousal Alerts

These hormone and neurotransmitter is linked to arousal and alertness. Increasing both your heart rate and blood pressure, they prepare your body for action and reaction. The excitement, desire, longing and nervousness my submissives may be feeling before their first session with me triggers the release of these. When both norepinephrine and adrenaline is released into the bloodstream, your delicious stress and excitement encourages a surge of the body’s “fight or flight” responses. Your energy levels will be overflowing as the hours countdown to play.

Cognitive Resource Allocation: The brain has a finite amount of cognitive resources at any given time. Excitement and anticipation can consume a significant portion of these resources, leading to a phenomenon known as “cognitive load.” When cognitive resources are focused on an upcoming event, there’s less available for other tasks, potentially impairing performance in work or other activities requiring concentration.

Have you ever considered why you fumble when you first arrive, or why you struggle to follow simple instructions given by your Domme? Now you know why.

The Impact of Excitement and Foreplay on Cognitive Load

This can also have an understandably impact on our emotional world as they do our psychological. Our emotions, such as excitement and anticipation, can significantly consume our thoughts, and even dreams and lucid daydreams. Often referred to as the “feel-good” neurotransmitter, dopamine is associated with pleasure, excitement, and the reward system in the brain. The anticipation of a rewarding experience, such as meeting for an arranged session at My play space, will lead to increased levels of dopamine.

For long distance or sporadic meetups, often the precursor to the event will involve a form of remote power play, your Domme may reward you with role playing over the phone, or via photo messaging. This kind of foreplay is a slow-burning build-up of sexual tension, and a sneak peek of the submission to come…

Cognitive Load: The Positive Rush and the Temporary Denial

Knowing all this as a submissive is interesting, but knowing this as Domme makes for excellent opportunities to tease and torment you further. When someone is deeply consumed by their desire for another person’s company or is eagerly anticipating a significant Dominant and Submissive session, it’s great fun to deliberately create challenging scenarios with the aim to ruin your concentration. For example, in long distance play sessions, perfectly timed my interruptions for your work commute, making you incapable of the most basic of rational decisions, and can inject some excitement into an otherwise boring day. When you hire a professional FemDom, remembering important information will temporarily be a struggle. They call it ‘mind fucking’, but really it’s monopolizing all your brain power, demanding a substantial portion of your focus. Your ability to process other, more boring stimuli or tasks will be overridden by thoughts of me.

Doesn’t that sound delicious?

Until next time,

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Manchester Mistress Expert Dominatrix Lola Ruin

•   Browse My Website    •   Follow on Twitter   •   Apply to Serve  •   Read My Blog   •