In Defence Of Porn…

In Defence Of Porn...

By MistressLolaRuin July 21, 2017

I recently read this article, and have been inspired (/incensed?) to respond here on My blog...

Porn warps culture. I hope credit-card checks nudge adults out of the habit
by Christina Patterson

Firstly, let Me say that although I (currently) only make non-nude, fetish/FemDom content, I stand in solidarity with ALL porn performers. I very much class Myself as both a sex worker and a pornographer. All of us in the industry are subject to a society which at once consumes the content we produce, whilst also criminalising us and decrying us for producing it. Let Me also say, that I have mixed feelings about the digital economy bill. For those unaware, the bill will require age proof of age *** on all pornographic content. Websites which refuse to comply will be blocked in the UK. This may well include My website, which you're reading this blog on right now.

I have yet to read any real, unbiased study stating that children are adversely affected by viewing pornography. But, I also don't believe that a lack of such evidence means porn is good for children to be viewing. If anyone can point Me in the direction of any such studies, then I would love to hear from you...

Although it will adversely impact Me and My business, I agree with the idea that porn should probably be less available to children. But... I also believe that blocking websites and other such censorship is a violation of liberty. As so eloquently put by activists such as Pandora Blake and Myles Jackson, porn is the 'canary in the coalmine' of free speech. Censorship of porn may well be the thin end of the wedge... What might our government decide we shouldn't be viewing next?

I feel somewhat personally 'protective' over porn. Not simply because I make it, but because I believe it has had a positive impact on Me and My sexuality. I have spent the majority of the past few years either single or in long distance relationships. Porn has helped Me explore and enjoy My sexuality without needing to resort to casual sex with near strangers. Porn helped Me to understand My body and how it responds to pleasure. It has taught Me how to make Myself orgasm more easily, and how to then better instruct My lovers. The sex I have with partners is better and healthier as a result of masturbation, which has been aided in part by pornography (and My hitachi wand 🙂 )

So, now you know a little more about My own outlook, let's dive into this terrible article together.

Christina Patterson makes sweeping statements that children copy what they see in porn. That porn teaches them to disregard consent. That children believe violence and screaming are a normal part of sex. That sexual harassment in schools is becoming ever more normalised by porn. That children are being stripped of their childhoods.

This is presented with NO evidence at all (unless you count those unnamed 'expert witnesses'), but I'll bite anyway.

It may well be that children are copying what they see in porn. That they now believe screaming or violence is a normal part of it. That they are disregarding consent as a result. But in the absence of any real sex education telling them otherwise, where else do you expect children to learn about this?

It's also worth noting, whilst on the topic of violence in pornography, that there's actually much than you might initially think. This article by Psychology Today (debunking a study claiming 88% of porn shows violence against women) looks across 5 peer review studies. They found violence against women in 2%-36% of porn. The disparity between these studies findings is generally a result of what the examiners class as 'violence'. That study that found only 2% of pornography showing violence against women? That was the only study which didn't class consensual BDSM as violence.

I was a female school child before the age of the internet, and I suffered sexual harassment at school. Most of My female friends did too... this is, sadly, hardly a new phenomenon. I don't want to make light of a serious issue, and I accept perhaps porn is now adding to a hyper sexualised culture, but this problem already existed long before hardcore pornography was so readily available. Blaming porn entirely is just scapegoating.

For Me, it's clear that there is a huge failure in our education system. For some reason entirely unknown to Me, there seems to be a moral outrage at giving our children anything more than the bare minimum in reproductive biology. God forbid they might go on to make informed choices about their bodies, their sex lives or their relationships in the future...

Patterson quite boldly claims that 'porn warps'. She states that PornHubs most popular search terms of 'crying in pain', 'extreme brutal gangbang', 'sleep assault', 'step mum' and 'teen' as her evidence.

Here are the actual most searched terms reported by PornHub in the UK last year...

This is taken from PornHubs 2016 Year in Review, which I highly recommend you take the time to browse over yourself, it's fascinating... https://www.pornhub.com/insights/2016-year-in-review

'Step Mum' comes in at #5, and 'Teen' is the second most popular category. The far more offensive and violent search terms of 'crying in pain', 'extreme brutal gangbang' and 'sleep assault' are funnily enough nowhere to be seen. I guess reporting the truth (that people like watching sexy videos of massages and british chavs) just doesn't quite paint the panicked picture Patterson would like.

Under the digital economy bill, you may to need to jump through a few hoops to get your porn. They may ask for credit card details and charge a small fee. You'll be leaving a bigger 'porn footprint' as a result. Patterson especially relishes in how this might show up on bank accounts and be seen 'by wives'.

Not only does this insinuate that only men consume pornography, but it also ignores some more dangerous personal implications. Imagine how homophobic parents of a 19 year old teen might react if they see a bank statement with a payment to a gay pornography website? Or how highly traditional parents might react to their adult child's donation to a kink or trans website?

Just under 1/4 of PornHubs visits are by women. Men are clearly not the only ones who consume pornography...

Patterson claims that she doubts people who consume porn remain loving partners and pillars of society. I am both a producer and consumer of pornography. By Pattersons standards, that probably makes Me the lowest of the low. The reality is a different picture. I am a very loving partner, not only in My personal life, but to My paying slaves. Open communication and consent is at the forefront of every interaction I have, sexual or paid. I educate about consent at every chance I get.

Perhaps there aren't many people would class Me as a 'pillar of society', but I am certainly not a menace to it. I was able to financially, physically and emotionally support My parents through My dads illness thanks to My work. I've also supported past partners/friends through tough times when they might have otherwise fallen through the cracks of this 'society' Patterson cares so much about. I get lots of free time, and I spend some of that giving my time to a charity which works to support some of the most at risk women in My city. Maybe it's irrelevant, but I also paid more taxes in 2014 than Facebook (like many Pro-Dommes I imagine). But hey, fuck all that, because every now and again I like to watch sexy videos.

I don't say any of that to win any accolades. Almost everyone I know, including My own fans, are loving, kind and generous people. They care deeply about the people around them and about society as a whole. The fact they like to get their rocks off to porn on occasion doesn't make them monsters. To shame the viewers of pornography and paint them as demons to society is both wrong and disgusting.

Patterson says the internet inventor Tim-Berners-Lee probably didn't dream of a wild west that would do us so much harm, and that she can't wait for the day when we're all a little bit less free. Funnily enough, when the 'porn filters' came out back in 2013, they didn't just block adult content. They also blocked helpful sex education websites aimed at teenagers, such as the charity Brook. Blocked websites also include support forums for lesbians, gays, trans, queer and intersex people. They even blocked NHS pages aimed at providing teenagers with sexual health education. That doesn't much sound to Me like the 'open platform that would allow everyone, everywhere, to share information, access opportunities, and collaborate across geographic and cultural boundaries' that Tim Berners-Lee imagined either.

What Patterson handily misses out from the NSPCC report is...

"Children and young people want information, advice and support about porn that is suitable for different ages and genders. They want to be able to easily get safe, reliable and private information that is fun and relevant to them"

My advice to those with Christina Pattersons view is this... how about instead of spending all that time and energy blaming pornography, and decrying all porn producers and porn consumers as deviants, you start canvassing for real, innovative and comprehensive sex education to be mandatory in our schools? Because honestly, without that, what other frame of reference have children got for sex other than porn? The digital economy bill may well stop kids stumbling across porn by mistake. But it won't stop them searching for it using VPN's because they have no other information about sex to learn from.

I imagine we would all be much happier and healthier if we have gotten real sex education at school.

Imagine sex education classes for our children which don't just teach about biology, but help children to learn about their relationships to other people and to their own bodies. How important it is to recognise and set your own boundaries, and to respect other peoples. Teach them all about the nuances of consent, and give them tools on how to navigate it.

Certainly teach them about the risks of STI/STD's, but also teach them about the unfair stigma attached to many of them. Give them advice about contraception which will protect them, and the importance of regular STI testing and cervical screenings. Teach young women they shouldn't feel shame about their sexual desires or their bodies. Teach young men to respect women, and to embrace and vocalise their emotions. Have them learn about the entire spectrum of alternative sexuality. Teach them that falling under the LBTQIA+ umbrella is both normal and natural. Give them resources for further support if they need it.

Most crucially, teach children that porn is a fantasy made by and for adults. That sometimes, what we see in porn is not what is most enjoyable. It's about what looks best for the camera. That porn often bears as little likeness to real life sex as the latest Quentin Tarantino film bears to real life in general. I know for a fact how much I would have personally benefited from such an education.

I am hopeful, but sadly I think we are a long way off this being the reality.
Advocating for proper sex education, instead of inciting moral panic, just wouldn't get as many clicks through to the Guardians website...

(Image credit for this beauty goes to John Jonik)


Until next time…

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The Perils of Dating as a Dominatrix…

The Perils of Dating as a Dominatrix...

By MistressLolaRuin May 8, 2018

Dating as a Dominatrix can throw a lot of odd challenges your way. I know, because I've been doing it for the past 4 years.
My ex-boyfriend was submissive. He was wonderful in so many ways, but I believe this put an extra strain on our relationship. Our D/s dynamic often burned Me out, and (somewhat understandably), jealousy of My work crept in.

When we broke up, I decided there were two things I needed for Myself in My future relationships. Firstly, to not date anyone who identities solely as submissive. Secondly, to explore non-monogamy.
I hoped that sticking to these rules would stop any burn out and jealousy from creeping back into My relationships. Thankfully, it seems to have worked.
Non-Monogamy
I date non-monogamously less so for an affinity to polyamory and more so because I don't believe in monogamy. I care more about honesty than fidelity, and I don't think W/we are naturally monogamous creatures.
Over half a decade of Topping (mostly) married men for cash has only confirmed this. Plus, it's a safe bet that partner who is down with Me fucking other people for fun is probably going to be chill with Me Domming guys for money.
I  hold pretty high standards when it comes to who I spend My time with. My job is such a source of pleasure for Me, that more often than not I would rather spend time working than dating.  So many times I have been on awful dates, and the thought crosses My mind on how much more I would prefer to be at home, editing clips or rinsing My subbies.
As I already have a few lovely connections in My life, I'm in no rush to find another. I feel more fulfilled being productive than on a lack lustre date. That's still the case even when I am single, as being brought up as an only child means I am fairly content in My own company. As a result, I don't date all that often.

Coming Out as a Sex Worker
Occasionally though, I do get the urge to get dressed up and be wined and dined. Choosing who I’d like to indulge in that with can be, at times, disheartening. Dating as a Dominatrix can throw a lot of odd challenges your way. Such an unsuaul line of work tends to attract unusual responses. Thankfully, it can also be a blessing…
I am incredibly open about what I do for a living. Sex work is an understandable deal breaker, and I have no desire to waste anyone's time (least of all My own). If they’re not cool with My passion, then it’s really a no starter. I have no energy for men who are jealous or intimidated or ignorant about what I do.
So, I tell everyone pretty much straight away. It’s fairly easy, as ‘What do you do?’ is often one of the first questions asked. After My confession, prospective lovers need to tread a thin line when it comes to their response, and a lot lose My interest immediately…
 
The Secret Submissive
I guess if you're a submissive looking for a kinky girlfriend, it can be exciting seeing a Domme in the dating wild.  Finally, someone who understands My kinks! They get so carried away with the thrill of seeing someone so openly perverted, they forget I'm an actual human.
Often I receive a frantically typed out a message in awe of what I do for a living. An essay detailing all of their deepest darkest kinks, peppered with highly intimate questions about My own sexuality.
Of course, women in vanilla jobs have to put up with their fair share of sexually charged messages. However, when you out yourself as a sex worker it almost always changes the tone of the conversation. I am no longer a girl they are chatting to on a dating website. I’m an object for them to project their fantasies onto. They tend to sexualise Me even more than My paying subs... What a turn off.
The upside of this is how easily they weed themselves out. After I’ve ignored all the hyper sexualised messages, I tend to only have curious, kink friendly, open-minded people left. My ideal would be someone who finds My job intellectually interesting but not particularly arousing (at least at first…).
I love to discuss the psychology of fetishes. How a formative moment in early childhood has the potential to alter someones sexuality throughout their adult life. Someone equally interested in the psychology of BDSM usually makes for great conversation over dinner and drinks.
 
Judgemental ‘Whorearchy’
Although I am upfront about how I have no interest in dating someone who isn’t down with sex work, I also get messages from these exact people. How they couldn’t possibly date Me because of the work I do. Asking Me why I have such low self respect (honestly laughable considering My hourly rate…!). How they don’t understand BDSM or how someone charge for it, even less so pay for it.
These overtly moralistic messages get deleted immediately. Engaging and/or educating them is too draining.
Of all these kind of judgemental messages, there is one kind that irks Me more than any other. Those who pretend to be progressive, whilst denigrating other forms of sex work. ‘I’m cool with the fact you’re a Dominatrix, but I could never date someone who *escorts/erotic massages/strips/etc*’.
Talking shit about My fellow sex workers with an undertone of ‘doing Me a favour by considering dating Me’ is a sure fire way to offend Me. I am not one of these Dommes who likes to kid themselves into thinking what I do isn't sexual. Plus, I have far too many friends who work as escorts and I don't want a partner who judges them. I also don't want someone who is going to become all weird and jealous should I decide to branch out into another form of sex work in the future. 
As with the horny submissives, judgemental folks reveal themselves fairly quickly, leaving behind only the real progressives. So many others have confessed how their previous (or current) partners have engaged in sex work. To this day, My favourite ever response to My work was a guy who immediately dove into his (well informed) knowledge of the sex worker rights movement.

I guess it’s pretty clear what I want from My prospective dates. Someone intellectually stimulating, and who finds My work as interesting as any other interesting job. At the very least someone who has no problem with the fact I am a Domme, and at best, an ally to sex workers, and aware of the oppression We face and that I care about.
Thankfully, the dealbreakers I have seem to be self confessed within the first couple of messages, leaving only wonderfully progressive, kinky, open-minded folks left over. Despite the pitfalls, being a Domme is a blessing in disguise...
Plus, I could always enlist a cuckold slave to take care of all My dating admin for Me should I get bored of dealing with the secret subbies or judgemental pricks... 🙂
Until next time…
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Behind the scenes…

Behind the scenes...

By MistressLolaRuin August 26, 2016

Today I thought I would take you 'behind the scenes' of both My work and play.

Late last week I travelled down to the infamous English Mansion after being invited to a FemDom Garden party, hosted by the wonderful Mistress Sidonia. Also attended by Mistress Evilyne and Mistress Annalieza, We were served and entertained by 5 very lucky subbies (or perhaps you would class them as unlucky considering how cruel all Us ladies are...?)

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With the fabulously wicked Mistress Evilyne and Mistress Annalieza...

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Before the Garden Party was in full swing, with sub sophie

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With Mistress Sidonia, Mistress Evilyne, sub sophie and Mistress Annalieza...

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The Aftermath...


Of course, all of Our antics were captured on video (along with other scenes I filmed whilst there), and will be available on The English Mansion Website soon...

 

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After the garden party I stayed over at the Mansion, then early the next morning rushed off to meet up with My sister at a small yoga festival close by. Outside of Domming I have many vanilla interests of which yoga comes pretty near the top of the list, perhaps this will be a surprise to those of you who think I live in latex and thigh boots!

 

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En route to a rainy festival... PVC perverts rejoice!

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My first class of the festival... can you spot Me?

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Body painting yoga anatomy class...

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Final day of the festival, soothing aching muscles in a hot tub with My sister...


After a night pampering Myself in a hotel, I finally made the long journey back up North to Manchester. Naturally, My slaves there were patiently waiting for My return.

It seems I am very much living by a 'work hard, play hard' motto right now. Not only do I adore My work, I also adore how it allows Me the luxury of being able to take time off to pursue other pleasures.

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One final piece of eye candy, snapped between scenes at The English Mansion...


My downtime is very precious to Me. Being a Domme can be very psychologically draining, especially so when you are also lifestyle like Myself. During very busy periods I have previously been close to burning out, and so I make of point of both limiting the amount of sessions I take per day as well as really 'unplugging' when I take time off. I feel fully focused and present during My time with slaves when I have quality downtime, but it also makes Me feel happier and healthier overall. 

I feel very lucky to have such a great balance in My life. Thank you to all My slaves, submissives and fans for contributing to that 🙂

Until next time…

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An Anniversary…

An Anniversary...

By MistressLolaRuin May 9, 2016

I just realised this past weekend that I passed a milestone in My career as a Professional Dominatrix… the anniversary of when I first started working at My very first Dungeon. It seems fitting to write a blog to reflect and celebrate 🙂

The first photo of Me to ever appear online, a candid shot from before I became a PD. Some things (like My addiction to rubber) never change...
The first photo of Me to ever appear online, a candid shot from before I became a PD. Some things (like My addiction to rubber) never change...

I adore what I do for a living, and I think the past year in particular I have fallen in love with it all over again. Before I became a Domme, I worked an awful minimum wage call centre job, which was the only job I could get after graduating into a recession. The anti-sex work brigade always cite ‘economic coercion’ as a major reason why people enter the adult industry (personally I'm pretty sure anyone who has a job is economically coerced into it...), and whilst it was true that it was certainly the best career choice available to Me financially, it was also the most fun, exciting, interesting, stimulating, flexible… I could go on and on. Even now years later, when I could conceivably find another profession much more easily than I could as a recent graduate, I wouldn't want to.
 

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A shot from My first professional photoshoot. I hadn't started showing My face yet.

Don’t get Me wrong, there have been a few lows… when long serving, loyal slaves have moved on or been dismissed, when the government brings out legislation without consultation or warning that seriously impacts you, and when the slew of time-wasters that all Us Dommes have to put up with have outnumbered the sessions. When the work just isn’t there it can be pretty disheartening, and when you are in a sense selling yourself, it’s hard not to take those quiet spells personally. Not to mention the social stigma that can be attached to working in the adult industry... How that affects what friends/families/strangers/society think of you, how dating can be a minefield, how it can affect your future career choices and all the associated issues people working in My industry face (and on which I could write a dissertation about...)
 

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A snapshot from one of My very first clips when I started regularly filming for My C4S Store

But… the highs by far outnumber those lows, and the truth is that I LOVE My job. It has allowed Me to do so many incredible things, and I have ticked off some amazing goals I had, both professional and personal. I've travelled and toured internationally. I opened My clip store and consequently filmed for the amazing English Mansion, whom were so lovely to Me. I’ve met so many interesting and inspiring people professionally (both Dommes and subs) and personally I’ve slowly surrounded Myself with the most incredible group of friends whom accept what I do and are proud of Me for doing it. I’ve supported and cared for family members through tough times, which I absolutely would not have been able to do in any other job. I’ve been bought wonderful gifts by wonderfully generous slaves. It has allowed Me to be incredibly independent, and given Me financial freedom. I have become more confident, happy, self-assured...
And of course, I have had a ridiculous amount of kinky fun!
 

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A snapshot from when I filmed for the fabulous English Mansion last year... go check out all their amazing content here!

I also think that what I do is important, in it’s own way... I am sure a fair few of My subs agree with that sentiment. I have blogged before about how therapeutic I think BDSM can be, and I still very much believe that to be true. I love the idea that I create a safe space where My subs can relinquish control and explore aspects of their sexuality they otherwise wouldn't be able to. Doing that gives Me a real sense of fulfilment, which I am not sure another job could offer Me.
 

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One of the most recent photos of Me, a quick snap between sessions a few weeks ago...

So to all My slaves, subs, clips fans, and of course all you loyal blog readers, thank you for your continued support. It means a lot 🙂
 
Choose a job you love, and never work a day in your life…
 
Until next time…

•   Browse My Website    •   Follow on Twitter   •   Apply to Serve  •   Read My Blog   •