The Healing Power Of BDSM...

By MistressLolaRuin | Feb 16, 2018

I've long held the opinion that BDSM play can be therapeutic, for both Dommes and submissives. I've personally found a majority of my subs find a sense of freedom and healing, through serving a Dominant. I make reference to this a few times throughout my website, and so today I thought I would dedicate a longer blog post to it.

A meme showing how different people view Dominatrices, with the final one beinghow she see's herself, giving a man therapy. For many Dommes, their work is healing for their submissives in this way.

Now, before I delve more into my own thoughts, I feel the need to make something very clear. Recently there have been a spate of mainstream media articles, all discussing BDSM as their therapy. Now, whilst I truly believe that BDSM play can be healing, I do not believe that seeing a Dominatrix should ever be a substitution for actual therapy. This is an important distinction. Let's take the example of a past traumatic sexual experience. Re-enacting what happened to you in a space where you feel safe and ultimately in control (hello safewords!) can of course be incredibly healing.

However, it will never match up to discussing this at length with a trained psychological professional. Not only is a Dominatrix not qualified to offer this to you, but it would be unfair of you to project that onto them. If you are seriously struggling with your mental health, whilst a seeing a Dominatrix does have the potential to help your mental state, they should be the last on the list of professionals you seek out (with trained, accredited psychotherapists and your doctors being the top). For those of you seeking a therapist, I can highly recommend Pink Therapy where you can specify wanting to see a kink friendly therapist. Now that I've make the all important distinction between 'therapy' and 'therapuetic', let's delve into the meat of this blog.

The History of BDSM as a Mental Illness

The idea that BDSM can be therapuetic is a relatively new concept (although perhaps not to those of us who actually practise it).

Shockingly, BDSM was only declassified as a mental illness in 2010. Less than a decade ago, a craving for a spanking was seen as a marker for pathology. Everyone in the community usually has strong negative feelings for the portrayl of BDSM in 50 Shades. For all its faults (of which there are many), it did normalise kink, and bring some mainstream understanding, albeit with the cliche of a 'damaged' Domme. These days, studies seem to indicate that kinky fantasies are the norm. A fair chunk of the population actually have some kind of non-vanilla yearnings...

A screenshot of a text which shows that actually Dominant and submissive fantasies are enjoyed by a substantial minority of the population. — Taken from 'The Surprising Psychology of BDSM' at PsychologyToday.com

BDSM is no longer a marker of insanity, or the extreme past-time for the damaged it was once seen as. Now, for many people, it is simply an alternative way to explore sexuality. There is much more freedom and choice in it than simple vanilla sex... Not to mention that sometimes it can include basically no genital stimulation at all. It hinges on the exploration of power, pleasure and process. Of course, at what point light-hearted play tips over into more profound healing depends on the individuals.

A healing relationship with your Dominant

As I mentioned earlier, BDSM should not be a substitution for therapy. However, there is a huge amount of overlap between the motivations for those who seek out play and who seek out therapy. A desire for personal growth and self exploration. Learning how to regulate emotions and manage symptoms. Getting in touch with less dominant aspects of your personality. To re-frame and reclaim past trauma. Developing a relationship built on absolute trust, respect and non-judgement. These are often discussed as goals for both BDSM players and those in therapy.

Submitting fully to another person can be all at once terrifying and exhilarating. To explore your deepest fantasies without fear of shame or judgement, guided by a professional you trust, is quite the experience. Especially for those who have had past traumatic sexual experiences, is there any place better to reclaim that than in a place where you have a professional guiding your experience, and your consent is king?

Whilst during play submissives may get little to no say in what is to happen to them, any good Dominatrix will always negotiate your limits with you prior to play, and won't spring anything extreme onto you that you haven't already expressed an interest in. Within the four walls of a dungeon, having a Dominant who you trust to treat your body with respect and care, and that your needs, desires, boundaries and safety are paramount, is incredibly liberating. This is especially for those who may have been mistreated by partners in the past.

Physical Sensations of Submission

The experience of a submissive is both a physical and psychological act, and can be a healing experience in both ways.

Not only can pain serve as a heightener of pleasure, but it also serves it's own physical purpose. When in moments of pain, the body begins to flood with adrenaline, feel good endorphins and enkephalins. The sensation can be at once exhilarating and euphoric, as these begin to shoot straight to the opiate receptors of the brain... The same button a shot of heroin would press. When under both physical and mental stress, the body also starts to spew out cortisol and endocannabinoids. Suddenly, you'll find yourself swimming in the bodies homemade equivalent to morphine and cannabis, pumped up further by a buzz of adrenaline... the natural, chemical high of subspace. Feeling good physically is good for your soul.

Psychological Sensations of Submission

The idea that 'altered states of consciousness' is good for mental well-being is slowly gaining traction. From modern day studies into psychedelic therapies and to the ever increasing popularity of yoga, meditation and mindfulness practice. I would argue that BDSM play can definitely fall into this same category.

To me, there are huge paralells between meditation, mindfulness and BDSM play. By taking total control of a submissive, we are both forced to live almost completely in the present moment. For submissives, having someone else take care of all your decisions allows you to clear your mind of distractions. This kind of setting allows for a 'hyperfocus' on the here and now, as both past and future melt away.

For submissives, experiencing a 'thoughtlessness' during session allows them to tap into their physical sensations even more. Quite often in play I will blindfold my slaves and instruct them to 'drop down into their body'. Generally speaking, we are all so in our heads all the time. Taking a moment to clear our thoughts and focus on actual bodily sensations is very freeing. Unless you have a regular exercise regime, this is probably not something you do very often.

Quite often, during play both Dommes and submissives will find themselves in a 'State of Flow'...

In positive psychology, a flow state, also known colloquially as being in the zone, is the mental state of operation in which a person performing an activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and enjoyment in the process of the activity. In essence, flow is characterized by the complete absorption in what one does, and a resulting loss in one's sense of space and time. (Wikipedia)

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi's model of flow. As both Dommes and submissives experience 'flow states' during play, this is yet another reason why BDSM can be healing.

Beyond just being a catalyst for feeling good, in the same way that exercise or meditation, I think it's also important to acknowledge how BDSM specifically can help those people with past sexual trauma.

The Healing Nature of Consent

Firstly, is the importance that consent is given in any play. If you have ever experienced how devastating it can be to have your consent ignored, then being given such power over what is happening you can be incredibly cathartic. This is one of the reasons why I believe so avidly in safewords. They act as the foundation to a relationship which is built entirely around a promise of trust and respect. As a survivior, having your mind and body treated with such respect is always going to be a healing experience. Being able to feel like you safely explore intimacy again is a huge victory in the face of past violations.

It's also worth mentioning that while there is plenty of overlap, BDSM is not the same as sex. If you are a trauma survivor, then it may well be that certain vanilla sex acts may be quite triggering. Being able to explore sexuality which is not in its nature sexual, can feel safe and comforting. You can reclaim a sense of sexuality without engaging in sex acts which are triggering for you.

More specifically, some people even like to act out their traumas, and reclaim them in the process. I am sure every Domme has a tale or two of a submissive who wishes to do this. Personally, I have countless. It's the same reason why I believe rape fantasies are common amongst women (and even rape victims). By fetishising something which was or would be awful to actually experience it, you can control it. And by taking control of exactly how it happens you to, there is power.

The idea of self care is a bit of a buzzword these days. However, there is so much truth to the idea that dedicating time to your own well-being is a powerful thing. Just like we go to the gym for our bodies, we should also set aside time to nourish our minds.

A poster for the movie Secretary, in which a young woman finds healing through BDSM play with her boss. — One of my very favourite films, Secretary explores how BDSM can improve the mental health of those who play...

What does the Science Say?

Thankfully, science seems to be on the side of kinksters, although sadly not too much science has been done.

A Netherlands study into BDSM players found they have better mental health than their vanilla counterparts. This included being less neurotic, more extroverted, more open to new experiences, more conscientious, less rejection sensitive and higher subjective well-being.

A subsequent U.S. study of BDSM-identified couples found reductions in self-reported stress and negative affect.They also found as increases in intimacy with their partners following BDSM play.

A study by the ever fabulous Pamela Connelly also found BDSM practitioners had lower levels of depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), psychological sadism, psychological masochism, borderline pathology, and paranoia. In the interest of honesty, I'll also say that she found higher levels of 'dissociation' and 'narcissism'... Given the fact we're talking about subspace high submissives and in a state of flow dominants, I find unsurprising!

Whilst researching this blog, I also read this article, which I'll recommend to you all. In particular, one paragraph struck me...

"Given free reign, our aggressive drives have produced a human history of spectacular violence. Yet, as Rogers insists, the drives themselves are neither good nor bad. If conscientiously directed with the consent of others, even our darkest impulses can be profoundly meaningful. Unacknowledged however, they are often a constant source of shame, anxiety, and sublimation."

And there lies yet another reason why BDSM can be healing... simply just acknowledging our desires, rather than shamefully hiding them away.