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The Healing Power of BDSM…

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The Healing Power Of BDSM...

By MistressLolaRuin | Feb 16, 2018

I've long held the opinion that BDSM play can be therapeutic, for both Dommes and submissives. I've personally found a majority of my subs find a sense of freedom and healing, through serving a Dominant. I make reference to this a few times throughout my website, and so today I thought I would dedicate a longer blog post to it.

A meme showing how different people view Dominatrices, with the final one beinghow she see's herself, giving a man therapy. For many Dommes, their work is healing for their submissives in this way.

Now, before I delve more into my own thoughts, I feel the need to make something very clear. Recently there have been a spate of mainstream media articles, all discussing BDSM as their therapy. Now, whilst I truly believe that BDSM play can be healing, I do not believe that seeing a Dominatrix should ever be a substitution for actual therapy. This is an important distinction. Let's take the example of a past traumatic sexual experience. Re-enacting what happened to you in a space where you feel safe and ultimately in control (hello safewords!) can of course be incredibly healing.

However, it will never match up to discussing this at length with a trained psychological professional. Not only is a Dominatrix not qualified to offer this to you, but it would be unfair of you to project that onto them. If you are seriously struggling with your mental health, whilst a seeing a Dominatrix does have the potential to help your mental state, they should be the last on the list of professionals you seek out (with trained, accredited psychotherapists and your doctors being the top). For those of you seeking a therapist, I can highly recommend Pink Therapy where you can specify wanting to see a kink friendly therapist. Now that I've make the all important distinction between 'therapy' and 'therapuetic', let's delve into the meat of this blog.

The History of BDSM as a Mental Illness

The idea that BDSM can be therapuetic is a relatively new concept (although perhaps not to those of us who actually practise it).

Shockingly, BDSM was only declassified as a mental illness in 2010. Less than a decade ago, a craving for a spanking was seen as a marker for pathology. Everyone in the community usually has strong negative feelings for the portrayl of BDSM in 50 Shades. For all its faults (of which there are many), it did normalise kink, and bring some mainstream understanding, albeit with the cliche of a 'damaged' Domme. These days, studies seem to indicate that kinky fantasies are the norm. A fair chunk of the population actually have some kind of non-vanilla yearnings...

A screenshot of a text which shows that actually Dominant and submissive fantasies are enjoyed by a substantial minority of the population.
Taken from 'The Surprising Psychology of BDSM' at PsychologyToday.com

BDSM is no longer a marker of insanity, or the extreme past-time for the damaged it was once seen as. Now, for many people, it is simply an alternative way to explore sexuality. There is much more freedom and choice in it than simple vanilla sex... Not to mention that sometimes it can include basically no genital stimulation at all. It hinges on the exploration of power, pleasure and process. Of course, at what point light-hearted play tips over into more profound healing depends on the individuals.

A healing relationship with your Dominant

As I mentioned earlier, BDSM should not be a substitution for therapy. However, there is a huge amount of overlap between the motivations for those who seek out play and who seek out therapy. A desire for personal growth and self exploration. Learning how to regulate emotions and manage symptoms. Getting in touch with less dominant aspects of your personality. To re-frame and reclaim past trauma. Developing a relationship built on absolute trust, respect and non-judgement. These are often discussed as goals for both BDSM players and those in therapy.

Submitting fully to another person can be all at once terrifying and exhilarating. To explore your deepest fantasies without fear of shame or judgement, guided by a professional you trust, is quite the experience. Especially for those who have had past traumatic sexual experiences, is there any place better to reclaim that than in a place where you have a professional guiding your experience, and your consent is king?

Whilst during play submissives may get little to no say in what is to happen to them, any good Dominatrix will always negotiate your limits with you prior to play, and won't spring anything extreme onto you that you haven't already expressed an interest in. Within the four walls of a dungeon, having a Dominant who you trust to treat your body with respect and care, and that your needs, desires, boundaries and safety are paramount, is incredibly liberating. This is especially for those who may have been mistreated by partners in the past.

Physical Sensations of Submission

The experience of a submissive is both a physical and psychological act, and can be a healing experience in both ways.

Not only can pain serve as a heightener of pleasure, but it also serves it's own physical purpose. When in moments of pain, the body begins to flood with adrenaline, feel good endorphins and enkephalins. The sensation can be at once exhilarating and euphoric, as these begin to shoot straight to the opiate receptors of the brain... The same button a shot of heroin would press. When under both physical and mental stress, the body also starts to spew out cortisol and endocannabinoids. Suddenly, you'll find yourself swimming in the bodies homemade equivalent to morphine and cannabis, pumped up further by a buzz of adrenaline... the natural, chemical high of subspace. Feeling good physically is good for your soul.

Psychological Sensations of Submission

The idea that 'altered states of consciousness' is good for mental well-being is slowly gaining traction. From modern day studies into psychedelic therapies and to the ever increasing popularity of yoga, meditation and mindfulness practice. I would argue that BDSM play can definitely fall into this same category.

To me, there are huge paralells between meditation, mindfulness and BDSM play. By taking total control of a submissive, we are both forced to live almost completely in the present moment. For submissives, having someone else take care of all your decisions allows you to clear your mind of distractions. This kind of setting allows for a 'hyperfocus' on the here and now, as both past and future melt away.

For submissives, experiencing a 'thoughtlessness' during session allows them to tap into their physical sensations even more. Quite often in play I will blindfold my slaves and instruct them to 'drop down into their body'. Generally speaking, we are all so in our heads all the time. Taking a moment to clear our thoughts and focus on actual bodily sensations is very freeing. Unless you have a regular exercise regime, this is probably not something you do very often.

Quite often, during play both Dommes and submissives will find themselves in a 'State of Flow'...

In positive psychology, a flow state, also known colloquially as being in the zone, is the mental state of operation in which a person performing an activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and enjoyment in the process of the activity. In essence, flow is characterized by the complete absorption in what one does, and a resulting loss in one's sense of space and time. (Wikipedia)

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi's model of flow. As both Dommes and submissives experience 'flow states' during play, this is yet another reason why BDSM can be healing.

Beyond just being a catalyst for feeling good, in the same way that exercise or meditation, I think it's also important to acknowledge how BDSM specifically can help those people with past sexual trauma.

The Healing Nature of Consent

Firstly, is the importance that consent is given in any play. If you have ever experienced how devastating it can be to have your consent ignored, then being given such power over what is happening you can be incredibly cathartic. This is one of the reasons why I believe so avidly in safewords. They act as the foundation to a relationship which is built entirely around a promise of trust and respect. As a survivior, having your mind and body treated with such respect is always going to be a healing experience. Being able to feel like you safely explore intimacy again is a huge victory in the face of past violations.

It's also worth mentioning that while there is plenty of overlap, BDSM is not the same as sex. If you are a trauma survivor, then it may well be that certain vanilla sex acts may be quite triggering. Being able to explore sexuality which is not in its nature sexual, can feel safe and comforting. You can reclaim a sense of sexuality without engaging in sex acts which are triggering for you.

More specifically, some people even like to act out their traumas, and reclaim them in the process. I am sure every Domme has a tale or two of a submissive who wishes to do this. Personally, I have countless. It's the same reason why I believe rape fantasies are common amongst women (and even rape victims). By fetishising something which was or would be awful to actually experience it, you can control it. And by taking control of exactly how it happens you to, there is power.

The idea of self care is a bit of a buzzword these days. However, there is so much truth to the idea that dedicating time to your own well-being is a powerful thing. Just like we go to the gym for our bodies, we should also set aside time to nourish our minds.

A poster for the movie Secretary, in which a young woman finds healing through BDSM play with her boss.
One of my very favourite films, Secretary explores how BDSM can improve the mental health of those who play...

What does the Science Say?

Thankfully, science seems to be on the side of kinksters, although sadly not too much science has been done.

A Netherlands study into BDSM players found they have better mental health than their vanilla counterparts. This included being less neurotic, more extroverted, more open to new experiences, more conscientious, less rejection sensitive and higher subjective well-being.

A subsequent U.S. study of BDSM-identified couples found reductions in self-reported stress and negative affect.They also found as increases in intimacy with their partners following BDSM play.

A study by the ever fabulous Pamela Connelly also found BDSM practitioners had lower levels of depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), psychological sadism, psychological masochism, borderline pathology, and paranoia. In the interest of honesty, I'll also say that she found higher levels of 'dissociation' and 'narcissism'... Given the fact we're talking about subspace high submissives and in a state of flow dominants, I find unsurprising!

Whilst researching this blog, I also read this article, which I'll recommend to you all. In particular, one paragraph struck me...

"Given free reign, our aggressive drives have produced a human history of spectacular violence. Yet, as Rogers insists, the drives themselves are neither good nor bad. If conscientiously directed with the consent of others, even our darkest impulses can be profoundly meaningful. Unacknowledged however, they are often a constant source of shame, anxiety, and sublimation."

And there lies yet another reason why BDSM can be healing... simply just acknowledging our desires, rather than shamefully hiding them away.

An image of a pinata lying on a therapy couch, proclaiming 'The sick part is, I kind of like it when they hit me'.

The body and the mind are sites for both trauma AND healing. To everyone reading this now, I hope that you experience far more of the latter.

Until next time...

•   Browse My Website    •   Follow on Twitter   •   Apply to Serve  •   Read My Blog   •

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In Defence Of Porn…

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In Defence Of Porn...

By MistressLolaRuin | July 21, 2017

I recently read this article, and have been inspired (/incensed?) to respond here on My blog...

Porn warps culture. I hope credit-card checks nudge adults out of the habit
by Christina Patterson

Firstly, let Me say that although I (currently) only make non-nude, fetish/FemDom content, I stand in solidarity with ALL porn performers. I very much class Myself as both a sex worker and a pornographer. All of us in the industry are subject to a society which at once consumes the content we produce, whilst also criminalising us and decrying us for producing it. Let Me also say, that I have mixed feelings about the digital economy bill. For those unaware, the bill will require age proof of age *** on all pornographic content. Websites which refuse to comply will be blocked in the UK. This may well include My website, which you're reading this blog on right now.

I have yet to read any real, unbiased study stating that children are adversely affected by viewing pornography. But, I also don't believe that a lack of such evidence means porn is good for children to be viewing. If anyone can point Me in the direction of any such studies, then I would love to hear from you...

Although it will adversely impact Me and My business, I agree with the idea that porn should probably be less available to children. But... I also believe that blocking websites and other such censorship is a violation of liberty. As so eloquently put by activists such as Pandora Blake and Myles Jackson, porn is the 'canary in the coalmine' of free speech. Censorship of porn may well be the thin end of the wedge... What might our government decide we shouldn't be viewing next?

I feel somewhat personally 'protective' over porn. Not simply because I make it, but because I believe it has had a positive impact on Me and My sexuality. I have spent the majority of the past few years either single or in long distance relationships. Porn has helped Me explore and enjoy My sexuality without needing to resort to casual sex with near strangers. Porn helped Me to understand My body and how it responds to pleasure. It has taught Me how to make Myself orgasm more easily, and how to then better instruct My lovers. The sex I have with partners is better and healthier as a result of masturbation, which has been aided in part by pornography (and My hitachi wand 🙂 )

So, now you know a little more about My own outlook, let's dive into this terrible article together.

Christina Patterson makes sweeping statements that children copy what they see in porn. That porn teaches them to disregard consent. That children believe violence and screaming are a normal part of sex. That sexual harassment in schools is becoming ever more normalised by porn. That children are being stripped of their childhoods.

This is presented with NO evidence at all (unless you count those unnamed 'expert witnesses'), but I'll bite anyway.

It may well be that children are copying what they see in porn. That they now believe screaming or violence is a normal part of it. That they are disregarding consent as a result. But in the absence of any real sex education telling them otherwise, where else do you expect children to learn about this?

It's also worth noting, whilst on the topic of violence in pornography, that there's actually much than you might initially think. This article by Psychology Today (debunking a study claiming 88% of porn shows violence against women) looks across 5 peer review studies. They found violence against women in 2%-36% of porn. The disparity between these studies findings is generally a result of what the examiners class as 'violence'. That study that found only 2% of pornography showing violence against women? That was the only study which didn't class consensual BDSM as violence.

I was a female school child before the age of the internet, and I suffered sexual harassment at school. Most of My female friends did too... this is, sadly, hardly a new phenomenon. I don't want to make light of a serious issue, and I accept perhaps porn is now adding to a hyper sexualised culture, but this problem already existed long before hardcore pornography was so readily available. Blaming porn entirely is just scapegoating.

For Me, it's clear that there is a huge failure in our education system. For some reason entirely unknown to Me, there seems to be a moral outrage at giving our children anything more than the bare minimum in reproductive biology. God forbid they might go on to make informed choices about their bodies, their sex lives or their relationships in the future...

Patterson quite boldly claims that 'porn warps'. She states that PornHubs most popular search terms of 'crying in pain', 'extreme brutal gangbang', 'sleep assault', 'step mum' and 'teen' as her evidence.

Here are the actual most searched terms reported by PornHub in the UK last year...

This is taken from PornHubs 2016 Year in Review, which I highly recommend you take the time to browse over yourself, it's fascinating... https://www.pornhub.com/insights/2016-year-in-review

'Step Mum' comes in at #5, and 'Teen' is the second most popular category. The far more offensive and violent search terms of 'crying in pain', 'extreme brutal gangbang' and 'sleep assault' are funnily enough nowhere to be seen. I guess reporting the truth (that people like watching sexy videos of massages and british chavs) just doesn't quite paint the panicked picture Patterson would like.

Under the digital economy bill, you may to need to jump through a few hoops to get your porn. They may ask for credit card details and charge a small fee. You'll be leaving a bigger 'porn footprint' as a result. Patterson especially relishes in how this might show up on bank accounts and be seen 'by wives'.

Not only does this insinuate that only men consume pornography, but it also ignores some more dangerous personal implications. Imagine how homophobic parents of a 19 year old teen might react if they see a bank statement with a payment to a gay pornography website? Or how highly traditional parents might react to their adult child's donation to a kink or trans website?

Just under 1/4 of PornHubs visits are by women. Men are clearly not the only ones who consume pornography...

Patterson claims that she doubts people who consume porn remain loving partners and pillars of society. I am both a producer and consumer of pornography. By Pattersons standards, that probably makes Me the lowest of the low. The reality is a different picture. I am a very loving partner, not only in My personal life, but to My paying slaves. Open communication and consent is at the forefront of every interaction I have, sexual or paid. I educate about consent at every chance I get.

Perhaps there aren't many people would class Me as a 'pillar of society', but I am certainly not a menace to it. I was able to financially, physically and emotionally support My parents through My dads illness thanks to My work. I've also supported past partners/friends through tough times when they might have otherwise fallen through the cracks of this 'society' Patterson cares so much about. I get lots of free time, and I spend some of that giving my time to a charity which works to support some of the most at risk women in My city. Maybe it's irrelevant, but I also paid more taxes in 2014 than Facebook (like many Pro-Dommes I imagine). But hey, fuck all that, because every now and again I like to watch sexy videos.

I don't say any of that to win any accolades. Almost everyone I know, including My own fans, are loving, kind and generous people. They care deeply about the people around them and about society as a whole. The fact they like to get their rocks off to porn on occasion doesn't make them monsters. To shame the viewers of pornography and paint them as demons to society is both wrong and disgusting.

Patterson says the internet inventor Tim-Berners-Lee probably didn't dream of a wild west that would do us so much harm, and that she can't wait for the day when we're all a little bit less free. Funnily enough, when the 'porn filters' came out back in 2013, they didn't just block adult content. They also blocked helpful sex education websites aimed at teenagers, such as the charity Brook. Blocked websites also include support forums for lesbians, gays, trans, queer and intersex people. They even blocked NHS pages aimed at providing teenagers with sexual health education. That doesn't much sound to Me like the 'open platform that would allow everyone, everywhere, to share information, access opportunities, and collaborate across geographic and cultural boundaries' that Tim Berners-Lee imagined either.

What Patterson handily misses out from the NSPCC report is...

"Children and young people want information, advice and support about porn that is suitable for different ages and genders. They want to be able to easily get safe, reliable and private information that is fun and relevant to them"

My advice to those with Christina Pattersons view is this... how about instead of spending all that time and energy blaming pornography, and decrying all porn producers and porn consumers as deviants, you start canvassing for real, innovative and comprehensive sex education to be mandatory in our schools? Because honestly, without that, what other frame of reference have children got for sex other than porn? The digital economy bill may well stop kids stumbling across porn by mistake. But it won't stop them searching for it using VPN's because they have no other information about sex to learn from.

I imagine we would all be much happier and healthier if we have gotten real sex education at school.

Imagine sex education classes for our children which don't just teach about biology, but help children to learn about their relationships to other people and to their own bodies. How important it is to recognise and set your own boundaries, and to respect other peoples. Teach them all about the nuances of consent, and give them tools on how to navigate it.

Certainly teach them about the risks of STI/STD's, but also teach them about the unfair stigma attached to many of them. Give them advice about contraception which will protect them, and the importance of regular STI testing and cervical screenings. Teach young women they shouldn't feel shame about their sexual desires or their bodies. Teach young men to respect women, and to embrace and vocalise their emotions. Have them learn about the entire spectrum of alternative sexuality. Teach them that falling under the LBTQIA+ umbrella is both normal and natural. Give them resources for further support if they need it.

Most crucially, teach children that porn is a fantasy made by and for adults. That sometimes, what we see in porn is not what is most enjoyable. It's about what looks best for the camera. That porn often bears as little likeness to real life sex as the latest Quentin Tarantino film bears to real life in general. I know for a fact how much I would have personally benefited from such an education.

I am hopeful, but sadly I think we are a long way off this being the reality.
Advocating for proper sex education, instead of inciting moral panic, just wouldn't get as many clicks through to the Guardians website...

(Image credit for this beauty goes to John Jonik)


Until next time…

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Locked up for Lola Ruin, Part 3…

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Locked up for Lola Ruin - Part 3...

By MistressLolaRuin | March 26, 2019

Manchester Mistress Lola Ruin loves to sensually Dominate her subs.
Delve deeper, and learn more about a Chastity slaves experience under her expert lock and key...

Chastity Diary
Day 8

As I write this about halfway through the 25th of December, with carols still ringing about the house, I can say that being locked up for Christmas by Mistress Lola is everything I thought it would be. Without any bit of obsequiousness I can say that every picture of Herself – and I do mean every picture – that She posts on Twitter is enough to have me bulging inside my cage. I'm wondering if this is the start of a wonderful seasonal tradition, albeit one that doesn't lend itself very well to sharing with others. I'm even wondering if I deserve a smaller cage, but that's a conversation I need to have with my Mistress. Well, “conversation" implies perhaps too much negotiating power on my part, but you take my meaning.

I woke up this morning thinking about Mistress Lola leading me around in public by a leash attached to my cage, which feels a thematically appropriate fantasy, as well as a good place to leave this diary entry.

Chastity Diary
Day 9

I decided to capitalise on some early morning frustration today and watch Mistress Lola’s video clip right after waking up. Having also watched it just before I went to bed last night, I can say without risk of exaggeration that worshipping Mistress Lola was the last thing I thought about last night and the first thing this morning.

I don’t know if the distraction from my chastity cage of being around other people all the time is a welcome one. There have been plenty of times today where I’ve craved a couple of hours’ isolation just to think quietly about my last session and anticipate O/our next one. I’ll be home in a couple of days, so I’ll soon be able to devote as much time as I like to this sort of rumination.

Chastity Diary
Day 10

I keep expecting my sense of pent-up frustration to subside, but it seems merely to have plateaued. Although I have long since learned to ignore the instinct to have an orgasm whenever the desire takes me, and in that sense being in chastity is becoming somewhat easier, the constant frustration is impossible to ignore. Unable even to have a full erection, I can derive a little pleasure from straining inside my cage, feeling the plastic pressing against my cock, but it’s a long way from a satisfying substitute. All I want to think about is Mistress Lola’s fingertips running over my thighs and chest, feeling Her gorgeous bottom pressing against my face, looking up into Her eyes…

Chastity Diary
Day 11

At last I’m home after being away for Christmas. Of course it’s always nice to spend some time around the rest of my family – I travel too much for work to see them as much as I’d like – but having got used to the serenity of living alone it’s always nice to relax and unwind on my own.

This year being locked in chastity has added something extra to that, of course. By way of some self-indulgence I’ve just spent an hour or so relaxing with some coffee and, sitting in only my chastity cage, watching some of Mistress Lola’s video clips. With another week in chastity to go until I see Her this may not have been an entirely wise thing to do, but it was certainly emotionally satisfying even if it was physically frustrating.

Chastity Diary
Day 12

Yesterday Mistress Lola decided to increase my daily dose of frustration ahead of O/our session. She has instructed me to watch a video clip at least three times a day: straight after waking up, just before bed and at any other point in between. I’ll be bookending my day with the chastity tease clip She filmed specifically for session preparation and choosing another of Her clips to go between them.

If I weren’t already thinking about Mistress Lola holding the keys to my cock cage constantly, I expect this extra homework will make sure of it. It already feels like my cock has been bulging inside the cage all day. I’m about to take myself off to bed, already frustrated, to watch Mistress Lola’s video clip again.

Chastity Diary
Day 13

I must have spent about half an hour last night trying to get to sleep lying on top of my hard, plastic-covered cock, thinking about pressing my face into Mistress Lola’s bottom. After waking up and watching Mistress Lola’s video clip first thing this morning I spent about another hour or so in bed thinking about Her again. I like to think about Her dangling the key to my cock in front of me, about Her showing off my locked-up cock to others – that’s the exhibitionist in me talking again – or about Her sitting on my chest while Her fingertips drum on my plastic cage…

I’m really grateful that Mistress Lola is holding the keys to the cage, and there’s no hope of escape without Her permission. It means I can spend the whole day thinking about what Her bestowing an orgasm, even a ruined one, would feel like while I’m sure in the understanding that I cannot have one without Her.

 

To be continued...

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Locked up for Lola Ruin, Part 2…

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Locked up for Lola Ruin - Part 2...

By MistressLolaRuin | January 15, 2019

The ultimate Chastity experience in Manchester,
Mistress Lola Ruin loves to keep Her slaves under Her lock and key...

Chastity Diary
Day 4

Another morning of frustrated desire. Because today was one of complete leisure it meant I could spend a couple of hours restlessly in bed, thinking about Mistress Lola and O/our session a few days ago. My bruises are no longer painful, but I still have a few healing cuts to remind me of my caning. I press my face into the pillow and think of worshipping Her bottom. None of this is particularly helpful in dealing with my cock straining inside its cage, but of course this is the perverse joy and the challenge of chastity.

Chastity Diary
Day 5

Other than when travelling home from O/our session this was the first day I’ve worn the cage out in public during this stint of chastity. As always this feels a little perilous, although that might be just a bit of an exhibitionist fantasy talking.

When being caned it’s difficult to ignore the impulse to keep track of what proportion of my allotted strokes Mistress Lola has given me (halfway there, three fifths of the way there…). I’m now a third of the way through my time locked up, or at least a third of the way towards my next session with Mistress; since She holds the keys literally and figuratively I should not perhaps be so sure…

 

Chastity Diary
Day 6

I’m writing this on my last morning at home before travelling away for Christmas this afternoon. It’s been another pretty sleepless night of high frustration, and it’ll be interesting to see how that carries through into dealing with constant company. This will be not only my longest time locked up in chastity but also the first time I’ve been locked up for Christmas, and right now I imagine it could be something of a relief when I get home and I can deal with my frustration in private, but it might also be that all the festivity acts as a distraction from this predicament to which I’ve submitted.

I was reflecting yesterday that my time in chastity so far seems to have gone quite quickly, but for some reason right now it feels like the (minimum) time I have left locked up is stretching away ahead of me. For all that, I’m struck by no doubt highly irrational but predictable and understandable thoughts like how wonderful it would be to be kept under lock and key by Mistress Lola permanently, only permitted any kind of release in Her presence, and so on. I couldn’t offer an explanation for this, but it doesn’t seem important to provide one, other than to relay the pleasure I’m getting from something as submissive as chastity.

Manchester Mistress Lola Ruin loves to torment you by holding the key to your caged up cock...

Chastity Diary
Day 7

Today is Christmas Eve, and despite the distraction of company to keep me from reflecting exclusively on being locked up for my Mistress – combatted somewhat, of course, by fulfilling my nightly responsibility of watching Mistress Lola's teasing video clip – the frustration has been difficult to ignore and quick and easy to trigger.

This being the first time I will have worn my cage for an extended period in such constant proximity to other people, I've had to take the preventative step of taping down the padlock on the cage to prevent it audibly rattling around. It's the sort of Christmas surprise I'd sooner keep un-sprung...

To be continued...

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Locked up for Lola Ruin, Part 1…

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Locked up for Lola Ruin - Part 1...

By MistressLolaRuin | January 5, 2019

The Queen of Orgasm Control, Manchester Mistress Lola Ruin is about
to lock up Her slave for his longest stint in chastity to date...

Chastity Diary
Day 0

Like all O/our sessions this one started with me kneeling naked on the floor of Her chambers, waiting for Mistress Lola. Within a few moments of Her having entered the room I was crouched in front of Her, worshipping Her feet as W/we talked about O/our last session together, and what I’d been thinking about since then.

It’s difficult to describe how much I’ve come to feel at home – as Mistress observed – while kissing Her feet. I can never help exhibiting transparent relish as I get to run my lips over Her instep, Her delicate toes… It always feels so far removed from my time outside O/our sessions, and yet always feels so natural. Even as I write this I can feel my chest swelling with helpless desire.

After a time Mistress stood and beckoned me over Her spanking bench. She was dressed in a purple latex skirt, a section at the back cut out to display Her bottom. I truly can’t describe it or my feelings about it in a way that does justice to either, so it will have to suffice to say that being allowed to worship Mistress Lola’s bottom is perhaps the part of O/our time together I long for and recall most powerfully between sessions, and that skirt in particular is a familiar object of fascination for a reason that I’ll explain in a later entry.

In order to earn the privilege of getting to worship Her, however, as usual I was going to have to go through a cold caning first. One hundred strokes was the minimum target for today, but despite knowing what was ahead of me I couldn’t help my cock stiffening as Mistress strapped me to the bench, her hair brushing over my back as she pulled the straps tight.

As normal the first couple of dozen strokes were by far the hardest, and before long Mistress was already commenting that I was marking up well (as I sit here I can still feel the throbbing pain of those strokes quite acutely…). As the number of the strokes started to climb I began to melt into that mental space with which other slaves will be familiar, losing all track of time and remaining aware only of Mistress Lola and the metronomic thud of Her cane against my flesh.

Once my caning and its aftercare were finished Mistress released me and bade me worship Her feet and legs, up to the hem of Her latex skirt, until I had recovered from my punishment. My shoulders and arms were still shaking with adrenaline when I started, but after a while it subsided and Mistress instructed me to lie down on a flat, leather bench. Within a few seconds I was again strapped down, this time face up, and blindfolded.

I couldn’t say how long Mistress teased my naked body for, caressing me and running her fingertips over me, until I heard the humming and felt the throbbing of Her vibrator on my erect cock. I could feel myself coming close to the edge when Mistress switched it off, and when She pulled off my blindfold I found Her perched over me, Her exposed bottom tantalisingly close to my face.

Instructing me to play with my cock, She began to lower Herself towards me, finally sitting over my face, my eager lips and nose buried beneath her skin. Again and again She smothered me under Her bottom, sometimes perching so that I had to strain against my straps to kiss Her, only to lower Herself again on top of me. Whenever my mind wanders from what I’m doing during any waking hour this is what I think about, and although I think Mistress Lola knows how much I relish these moments at the time and cherish them afterwards, it’s impossible to communicate it here.

Eventually Mistress stood and told me that O/our session had finished. As W/we had planned she instructed me to put on the chastity cage I had brought with me and, frustrated, denied a last release, I did so. I handed over the keys to my lock for Mistress’s safekeeping, still flushed with all the sensations from the session, and looking forward (I think) to all the sensations of the weeks to come…

 

Chastity Diary
Day 1

I’m writing this quite late at night. I woke up with my cage on this morning, and although as normal I became at once aware of my cock pressing inside it, it didn’t feel as alien and out-of-place as it sometimes has in the past. It perhaps helps in that regard that my bottom is still very sore from its caning yesterday (with plenty of lovely marks!), so that the sensation of the plastic cage is scarcely uppermost in my mind.

However, Mistress has devised a cure for that: I am about to lie in bed and watch a custom video clip She filmed for me for these occasions, reminding me that She holds the keys to my cage, as well as how excited I get about worshipping Her (featuring the purple latex skirt from O/our session yesterday…).

You can imagine how effective this is during even short stints in chastity, and with a bit less than three weeks of denial in front of me I suspect its effects will be quite acute, never mind anything else that Mistress Lola has in store for me…

 

The best experience of Orgasm Control and Chastity imaginable,
Manchester Dominatrix Lola Ruin will keep you locked up for as long as She pleases...

 

Chastity Diary
Day 2

I’ve spent practically the whole morning in a state of unassuageable desire. As the pain of my caning a couple of days ago has subsided, so has the feeling of confinement become harder to ignore. I had already resolved, therefore, to write today’s diary entry quite early in the day, and I’d just sat down to get to work when I decided to browse Mistress Lola’s fan’s site.

I can therefore report proudly (maybe a little too proudly) that as I write this I’m also fulfilling Mistress’s slave task for the day and wearing (if that’s the right verb) a rubber butt plug to go with my plastic chastity cage. I’m certain I would have been erect – or as close as I can get to it while inside the cage – without it, but with the plug inside me that’s assured.

Since it feels consistent with my position for the next couple of weeks or so, I’m going to put up with the plug for as long as I can, and go back through Mistress’s videos and find one in particular I’d been reserving to watch this week, knowing I’d be locked up for it. Time will tell if this is a good idea, but it feels like an appropriate one.

 

Chastity Diary
Day 3

This was the first morning so far that being in chastity seems to have cost me sleep, at least during this period of confinement: I woke up in the very early, dark hours of the morning and couldn’t relax enough to get back to sleep. The cruel irony – although only in the mildest terms, of course – is that normally under these circumstances I could have treated myself to a really great orgasm, the sort that really only comes with that restless, primitive vigour of feeling so full of lust so early in the day. Obviously that won’t be an option for quite a few days yet…

To be continued...

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