Orgasm Control

In-depth Exploration of Orgasm Control in BDSM: Unraveling the Intricacies of Edging, Chastity, Ruined Orgasms, Forced Orgasms, and Post-Orgasm Torment

If you have followed me for long enough, you’re likely already familiar with the concept of Orgasm Control. However, for those uninitiated, or those wanting to dive deeper into this fascinating form of play (which also happens to be my personal favourite and forte), this blog is just for you. Your first order is to view my wishlist, apply online to be my servant, and book in person sessions.

Orgasm control is all about the thrilling power dynamics surrounding the timing and nature of a person’s orgasm, and covers a range of different activities and techniques. This style of play can provide an incredibly rewarding experience for all involved, heightening any eventual and deepening your submission to me. Simultaneously, it can be intensely frustrating, creating a unique form of pleasure drawn from the denial of orgasm and the building of tension and anticipation. In this comprehensive blog post, we will delve deeper into various orgasm control practices within BDSM, exploring their nuances and discussing the transformative benefits they can bring to your BDSM sessions.

Edging: The Delicate Dance of Anticipation

Edging, a widely practiced and wildly popular form of orgasm control, is all about a delicate dance of anticipation. This technique involves taking a person tantalizingly close to the brink of orgasm, only to withdraw all stimulation before they finally cross the threshold into climax. This can be accomplished manually through a partner’s skilled touch or by employing sex toys such as vibrators and milking machines.

The overarching aim of edging is to intensify tension, anticipation and frustration which culminates in an eventual orgasm that is far more potent and gratifying than a typical climax. Naturally, the more edgings you have, usually the more intense that final release will be (if I allow you to have release at all… I have been known to send submissives away completely denied on my more sadistic days!)

Chastity: The Power of Sexual Denial

Chastity is another popular form of orgasm control. It involves the use of a specially designed device, commonly referred to as a chastity cage. This device effectively prevents the wearer from touching or stimulating their genitals, in fact it can even stop you from getting an erection (and some cages are designed to be especially painful when you do).

This ties in with the concept of ‘key holding’. The key to this cage is held by your Mistress, who decides if and when you are to be unlocked at all. This is a powerful form of control, and the intensity of chastity play is second to none. When the submissive is denied any and all forms of sexual release until the Mistress allows it, it has the tendency to really increase your focus and obedience to her.

However, I will offer a warning that chastity is one of those fantasies which sometimes doesn’t quite translate to reality for some. Whilst the thought of wearing a cock cage for your Dommes seems super-hot in a horny moment, waking up with a painful erection and no way to unlock can really break that fantasy. My advice is to take your time, slowly introducing chastity into your sessions, then short bursts of your daily life, before getting locked up for longer stretches. Easing into chastity gradually is definitely the best way of testing how much of this fantasy you can handle in real life.

Ruined Orgasms: The Bittersweet Symphony of Frustration

Ruined orgasms offer a unique and playful twist on orgasm control (and is my personal favourite way to torment my submissives!). This method involves taking a person right up to the very cusp of orgasm and then abruptly stopping all stimulation just before they climax. Unlike edging, where the aim is complete denial, a ruined orgasm involves continued stimulation for just a few extra seconds beyond the edge, leading to a smaller and much less satisfying orgasm.

This can be an incredibly frustrating experience, feeling more like a very intense edging than an actual release for the person being stimulated, yet paradoxically, it can also be highly arousing, adding a bittersweet symphony to the session. Often you can continue playing beyond ruined orgasms, giving yet more edgings and ruinings without the usual refractory period. Mostly, I just find it hilarious to watch you be completely mind fucked as you witness yourself have an orgasm but feel none of the pleasurable release you usually do!

Forced Orgasms: The Erotic Overload

Forced orgasms form another variant of orgasm control that involves stimulating a person until they achieve orgasm, regardless of their readiness or willingness to climax. As with other forms of orgasm control, this can be achieved with manual stimulation or toys such as vibrators, but I think this is best suited to milking machines. Something about being hooked up to a machine designed to make you orgasm regardless of your willingness certainly helps you feel more vulnerable and obedience to the Mistress controlling it!

Forced orgasms can lead to an overwhelming sensory experience, as the person being stimulated loses control over their timing. This type of play pushes the boundaries of pleasure, leading to an erotic overload that can be incredibly intense, particularly if it comes at the very end of a prolonged period in chastity, finally unlocked and given some extended edging and ruined orgasms first!

Post-Orgasm Torment: Pleasure and Pain in Unison

Post-orgasm torment is a type of orgasm control that involves continued stimulation after a person has already climaxed. Which often leads to a highly intense experience. For some, the pleasure derived from an orgasm is so powerful that any additional stimulation post-climax can be almost unbearable as you are so sensitive to any form of touch. A perfect way to add a little dash of pain into the mix of orgasm control play, and especially good for those who enjoy other forms of CBT yet cannot be left with any marks. This practice really blurs the lines between pleasure and pain, adding an extra level of intensity and heat to orgasm control sessions.

The Multidimensional Benefits of Orgasm Control Play

Embracing orgasm control play can offer a wealth of benefits for the submissive. The act of being denied sexual release can be intensely arousing. The tension and anticipation that build up from all this denial can create a heightened sense of expectancy, making the eventual release even more satisfying. It’s also my experience that this level of play is excellent for those who aren’t so much into pain or who cannot be left with any marks, and yet still want to experience a real loss of control and power. The denial of pleasure can be far more intense than the dishing out of pain if done correctly, and on top of that I find it really does encourage you to be on your best behaviour. Denial helps you to focus, increase your obedience, your obsession, and your submission.

Conclusion

By exploring various forms of orgasm control—such as edging, chastity, ruined orgasms, forced orgasms, and post-orgasm torment—you can deepen your submission while embarking on a journey of sexual discovery as guided by an expert Dominatrix. These practices allow you to push boundaries, explore new sensations, and unlock new levels of trust and vulnerability.

Until next time,

Manchester Mistress Dominatrix BDSM Ashton Under Lyne Playspace Chambers Dungeon Fetish FemDom Kinky - 484
Manchester Mistress Expert Dominatrix Lola Ruin

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My Top Tips For New Dommes

My Top Tips For New Dommes...

By MistressLolaRuin November 26th, 2021

Among the many changes brought about by recent events, the sudden explosion of new workers entering the world of sex work has been one of the most noticeable. Largely due to the vast number of people who needed a way to make money from their own homes turning to OnlyFans, this expansion has spread out to other areas of sex work.

The world of Domination calls to many, and those of Us who are established in our field will often be inundated with requests for advice on the industry - how to enter it, where to start, and how to be successful. As someone who was once a young beginner, it is now important to Me that I offer the same generosity of spirit that was afforded to Me. Without the guidance of established and wiser Dommes teaching me the ropes, I would not be where I am today. There is a lot to learn for new Dommes, but my top 5 tips for those of you who are brand new to the industry would be as follows;

Choose A Unique Name

First, you need to choose a name. Your Domina name should reflect the essence of the domination you will offer to the world. It should also be unique. Not only so that you stand out and are easily identifiable for the submissives who wish to serve you, but also because choosing a name already belonging to an established Domina is considered extremely poor form in the world of BDSM. There is no need to copy someone more successful than you, and if you try, all that means is that you will struggle to compete online against the very Domme you have copied. After all, she's already there and has her territory is carved out. Better that you choose a name that is entirely your own so that you can forge your own unique brand. This will not only help submissives to recognise you, but will help when it comes to online marketing and search engine optimisation.

I say this as someone who made this very mistake... Lola is common name amongst sex workers, and I wish I had chosen something more original. However, I've worked long and hard and I've made it work for me (with the help of a second name Ruin). Anyone who chooses either the name Lola or Ruin now is going to face an uphill struggle against me and the internet presence I have been slowly building for a decade.

Choose a first and a last name, something which reflects you and your style of Domination, and do some research to make sure no one else is using it! The last thing you want to do is cause friction with other Dommes and create a lot more work for yourself as you try to compete down the line.

Research Kinks

Second, research. There are as many flavours of kink as there are kinky people. You will need to have a strong grounding in a wide variety of kinks and fetishes to begin with. Consider the variety of fetishes there are: ABDL to sounding to whipping to tie and tease. Also consider how each of these may fit better with different archetypes of Domination: Stern Mommy, Teasing Goddess, Evil Nurse, Cruel Dominatrix. Once you are familiar with them, then you can then begin to identify which ones you can cater to, how to do so safely, and which ones you won't be able to offer, either because they don't fit in with your archetype or because you do not have the safety training or equipment.

Even if you are only planning to produce online content, a convincing and skillful video requires a thorough knowledge of the fetish or act being described or portrayed. Producing a 'latex fetish' clip when you are actually wearing PVC will not win you any fans in either the Domination or submissive community. Submissives care deeply about their fetishes, and it is important you portray them accurately.

Read as many blogs and books as you can, attend workshops, pay for content or sessions to educate yourself. Some Dommes may even be happy to mentor you or allow you to shadow them, however you should consider they may well charge for their time. Try to soak up as much information as possible, and don't offer anything you don't yet know how to do safely. Later on you can hone down into your specialities, but to begin with I recommend just being a sponge for knowledge.

Have Clear Boundaries And Stick To Them

Fourth, and it is important you think about this one carefully, boundaries. Your boundaries as a Domme will not spring out fully formed like Athena from the head of Zeus, you need to consider them in detail after the research you did in step two. What are you comfortable doing, what services are you comfortable providing, what avenues of communication are you going to offer submissives? Your boundaries will, over time and with experience, naturally shift and evolve. That's normal, and a regular check in with yourself every so often will help you to keep track of how your internal world is adapting. It is vital however that you remember that the only person who can shift or alter these boundaries is you. Not a submissive or their wallet.

No matter what your boundaries are, there will be submissives who will try to push them. They will ask to sleep with you, they will beg you to offer fetishes you don't, they will contact you at ungodly hours and pour out their hearts and souls as though you are the only person in the world who could help them (apparently therapists don't exist). Be prepared for how you will respond when they do.

And then there will be some who will do all of the above but with an attachment of very tempting cash. You will have to decide what you are comfortable with, but trust me when I say that no amount of money is worth you feeling like you have betrayed yourself. Every single time I've flexed on my boundaries, I've regretted it, mostly because submissives who do not respect your boundaries are not good submissives. Your time, energy and well being is precious and you should protect it, even when a cash injection looks tempting.

Diversify Your Income

Third, diversify how you make your money. While everyone has strengths and preferences, a Domme who only produces content for one specific niche on one specific platform will quickly run into trouble when the payment processors ban that fetish, or the platform is shut down. As we saw when Onlyfans banned explicit adult content, there is no guarantee that a platform will be available to you forever. And as we saw during the pandemic, even relying solely on sessions is not a good idea (although I very much hope another pandemic is not on the horizon!)

If working online, make sure your work across a range of different platforms so that your brand can reach a wider audience and you have options in case a pesky credit card decides to refuse to work with a particular website. And if you work solely offline, consider opening a fan club just to supplement your session income. Being able to turn a side hustle into a main hustle is much easier than suddenly having to learn a brand new way of working under financial pressure. No one wants to be stuck with no income at short notice.

A quick side note about New Girl Money... when you first come onto the scene, you may find yourself inundated and making more money than ever before. Do not rely on this to last forever, because quite often that initial rush will dry up and then it can take years to really hone your hustle. I know it can be tempting to blow all that new cash on a bunch of Louboutins, but do not be frivolous. Until you are more established and the flow of sessions is more predictable, it pays to be frugal and just keep reinvesting in your business. New Girl Money can end abruptly, so plan ahead for those rainy days!

Schedule Both Work And Down Time

Fifth, scheduling. It is a truth universally acknowledged among all self employed people that it is dangerously easy to work non-stop. Id say this is especially true for Dominatrixes, as our work tends not just to be our work, but also our lifestyles. There's always more work to be done, you will find your to do list only ever gets bigger, and that can easily lead to finding yourself working into the early hours after everyone else has gone to bed. The work that we do is intensive and can take a lot of energy, and once burn out has gotten it's claws into you, it can become the most difficult job in the world. Self care is paramount to avoid that, so schedule in your working hours and stick to them. Schedule in full days off, and make them non-negotiable. No submissive and no amount of money is worth your well being, and when you have a schedule, your submissives will learn to work around you.

I know this can be difficult, especially when you see established Dommes doing everything all the time making it look easy. But here is a secret... many established Dommes have hired help. I personally have 3 different people I pay to help me run my business, and once you are making enough money I strongly recommend you do the same. Until then, do what you can and focus on building your brand, and do not compare yourself to those who are 5, 10 or 20 years down the line. You'll get there eventually, as long as you balance your hard work with scheduled self care.

Good Luck!

I very much hope that any new Dommes reading this feel both informed and inspired going forward. Remember that this work allows for all different styles of Domination and all different ways of working, and it'll take a while to find your groove. Until then, stay sharp and have fun exploring and experimenting as you build your own Fempire 🙂

Until next time,

Manchester Mistress Dominatrix BDSM Ashton Under Lyne Playspace Chambers Dungeon Fetish FemDom Kinky - 484
Manchester Mistress Expert Dominatrix Lola Ruin

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Foot Worship 101…

Foot Worship 101...

By MistressLolaRuin March 5, 2018

Foot worship is probably the most common fetish. Especially so for Me, as it seems the foot fetishists particularly like tiny little size 2 feet.

Almost every slave who crawls through My dungeon door spends some of his time at My feet. Some will only give each one a small peck to each as a 'Hello', as My protocol dictates. Others may spend hours smothered underneath them.

Regardless, I believe that every serious slave learn how to properly worship the feet of his Dominant. It's a skill which will serve you well in serving Me.

It's no surprise so many people love to worship feet. Even less of a surprise that others love to receive foot worship. The 'somatosenory cortex' of the brain maps out your nerves, with a little section devoted to each body part, and their size relative to how sensitive that body part is. Sometimes, these sections overlap. Look at the right hand side of this image... Notice how in the image above, feet and genitals are right next to each other, overlapping? The science of kink!

I'll let you in on a little secret which may encourage you to improve your 'podolingus'... when a slave is good at worshipping feet, it generally bodes well for what else he may be good at worshipping.

I bet your mind has already wandered, thinking about what you can't have. You can forget it... no amount of toe sucking will elevate you to the role of My sex slave. But now you know, isn't that the thought you want running through My head? That as your tongue runs along My arch, I'm silently making a bet with Myself that you would be great at going down on women? Of course you do. And I promise you, I am not the only Domme who thinks that.

So, before I bestow upon you My top tips for foot worship, let's delve into what you should steer clear of.

  1. No Teeth
    I am rolling My eyes that I even have to say this, but it's true. At no point, ever, do I want to feel your teeth on My feet. I don't care if you manage to cram all 10 of My perfect little toes into your mouth... you better open that jaw wide. Think back to a time when a woman may have used her teeth on your dick. Unless you're a CBT masochist you probably squirmed like crazy, because teeth feel awful. Same goes for My feet. Don't. Do. It.
  2. No Slobber
    Unlike blowjobs, copious amounts of saliva is not hot. I want you to worship respectfully, and that means not drenching Me in your slobber. Of course, a dry mouth is no fun, so you're gonna have to use your brain to figure out the middle ground (good luck!).
  3. No Stubble
    Make your face soft before burying it in My arches. Coarse stubble is at best tickly, at worst scratchy and always distracting.

Those are My own three biggest bugbears when it comes to sloppy foot worship. Now, onto how you can improve...

  1. Start gently
    I drew the comparison between foot worship and pussy eating earlier for good reason... Most men know that diving straight into aggressive cunnilingus is not the best way to please a woman. You want to ease into it, and foot worship is no different. What do you imagine might feel best... someone who immediately crams My entire foot in his mouth, OR someone who traces every curve of them with kisses... then his tongue... then sucks on each of My toes...
    See the difference?
  2. Hands
    Don't let your mouth do all the work. I for one love when My slave also massages My feet whilst worshipping. Always be gentle. Never tug My feet towards you. Remember you are here to please Me, and utilising all you have to do that (including both your mouth and hands) is best!
  3. Worship Equally
    Don't let My other foot get jealous. You have one mouth, and two hands, and so there's plenty to make sure each of My feet are kept happy. Switch between the two regularly. Plant kisses all over one foot, then repeat on the other. I like symmetry 🙂
  4. Pay attention to each of My toes
    Usually slaves are good at this, however it bears repeating. Just as I have 2 feet, I also have 10 toes! Be sure to give every little piggy the attention it rightly deserves. Also, don't neglect that space between them. I love to feel a willing slaves tongue exploring betwixt My toes.
  5. Follow My instructions
    I am vocal about what I like. If I give you any guidance on how best to worship My feet, listen and act accordingly. Do not make Me repeat Myself.
  6. Communicate
    Ask Me what I like, if it feels good, what might feel better. I like when My slaves are willing to learn. Also, whilst I believe some of this blog may be true for other Dommes (no teeth is a universal dislike I imagine), these are only My own personal preferences. Every Domme is different, and you would do well to remember that. Always ask what feels best and what they like. Different strokes for different folks!

Lastly, My biggest tip for foot fetish subs...

Dedicate some time to learning massage techniques!

You wouldn't even have to pay (although you could if you wanted to!). YouTube is full of tutorials. A quick search on 'foot massage' has thrown up over 852,000 results for Me. Some of them are as short as 3 minutes, others go on for nearly an hour.

Take some time to learn foot anatomy and massage technique. Although massage is mostly about hands, I guarantee you such knowledge would improve any worship you do with your mouth too. If you are a foot fetishist, I highly doubt watching these videos would be more of a chore than they would excitable... so you really have no excuse do you?

A slave knowledgeable in reflexology or Thai or Swedish foot massage would impress Me no end. In fact, I don't know of a single Domme who wouldn't love to have a trained foot masseuse at Her beck and call. I am no exception.

Until next time…

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Back to Sessions…

Back to Sessions...

By MistressLolaRuin | February 6, 2018

After an extended break, I am thankfully feeling so much better. I have already returned to sessions, and over the next couple of weeks will be easing Myself back into webcam sessions and filming.

My down time did Me the world of good. Anyone who has also experienced depression could probably agree with Me how difficult it can be to manage. Most of all, I just felt completely overwhelmed and emotionally exhausted.

My work was not at all the cause, but it had become a major cause of stress. Worrying that I wasn't replying to emails quick enough. Feeling anxious that I wasn't filming as much as I should. The level of admin involved in Pro-Domming is huge, and I was falling behind and feeling more burdened by the day.

I did not anticipate the response I got when I announced My break and reasons for doing so. Hundreds of messages of support poured in. I was blown away by how understanding everyone was, and how generous people are when they know you're struggling. If you ever feel like that, don't hesitate to tell those around you... peoples willingness to help will surprise you.

Thank you to everyone who messaged Me during My break. I can't put into words how much I appreciated it.

Now that I am back, I am also making a few changes to My sessions.

Strap-on and Anal Play

Firstly, and probably most exciting to some of you, is the reintroduction of strap on and anal play into My sessions. After a few bad experiences early in My career I decided to take this off My fetishes list. In My personal life I never stopped pegging though, and My enjoyment has been rekindled even more recently. So, for all you anal sluts, I am once again happy to train and violate you this way... 🙂

Same Day Availability

Secondly, I am going to start offering same day sessions, with some caveats. I will need at least 3 hours notice, and I will need a small deposit sent prior to Me travelling into the chambers to see you (unless of course you are a loyal, regular serving slave). I do not want to waste time travelling into the dungeon for no show slaves when I could instead be at home filming, editing or webcamming. For those genuine subs amongst you, I doubt a little gift voucher to prove you are worthy of My attention will deter you.

If you want a same day session, then I suggest calling Me to check I am available. It would still be most helpful if you could fill out My slave application form prior to the start of your session, but perhaps do so after you have already confirmed I can accommodate your session.

Double Domme Sessions

Lastly, I am now offering Double Domme sessions with My dear friend Mistress Pomf! A little about Her in Her own words...

"I am American professional Dominatrix Mistress Pomf. With divine features, a voice like velvet that simultaneously soothes, titillates, and claws into you, and a mind trained in the art of domination, I will leave you floating in the ecstasy of submission. My greatest enjoyment is derived from My expertise in the art of humiliation and mindfucking, although I delight in giving physical punishments to My pain sluts. My style is unpredictable, ranging from brilliant verbals to the eerie power of silence.  I am often described as a sadist with the dirtiest laugh and most devilish smile."

You can find out more about Her on Her own website here...

MistressPomf.com

If you are brave enough to commit to a Double Domme session, get in touch with either of Us to see if We will allow you the chance to serve...

My next blog is going to be a Q&A blog, as I have previously done on Twitter. If you have a burning question you would like to ask Me, feel free to respond on there.

Until next time…
 

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Mistress Lola Ruin is a deliciously kinky Professional Dominatrix. With over 8 years experience, She therefore holds all of Her sessions at a fully equipped playspace in Manchester. She is a truly world class Domme. As one of the finest Dominas in the North West, Mistress Lola Ruin is especially selective about who She allows in Her Dungeon. Read all Her FemDom exploits on Her Blog. Drool over Her gallery of Pro-Domme photos. Read testimonials written by Her loyal slaves. Lola Ruin also loves to visit London to offer Domination sessions to submissives in the capital. Sign up to Her mailing list and be told of tour dates. Domme Lola Ruin loves all kinds of BDSM play, especially adores Ruined Orgasms, Latex and Foot worship fetishes. A well-known Clips4Sale Mistress, She consequently loves to film Female Domination content for Her loyal subs. Request your own custom clip from Her here.

Until next time...

manchester mistress lola ruin logo

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My submissive experience…

My submissive experience...

By MistressLolaRuin July 11, 2017

As a little backstory to this blog, those of you who follow Me on twitter will have seen I have recently been the subject of harassment. I use recently as a loose term, as this person in question has been hounding Me for well over a year. He has contacted Me through My website, My niteflirt account, My email, and now Twitter. He has also tried to canvass over Dommes and even My submissives. The backstory is that I was briefly in discussion with him regarding a custom clip he wanted, with Me starring as a submissive. I turned him down, as what he wanted was well beyond My comfort limits. It has, however, inspired Me to write this. I thought you loyal readers may find it interesting to hear of My limited experience in your shoes.

Fresh faced, slightly intoxicated, and rocking some steampunk ropework...

I have never been a natural submissive. When I first discovered BDSM with My ex-partner in My early 20's, he identified solely as submissive, and this suited Me perfectly. It allowed Me to really explore and develop My style as a Domme (which has continued to evolve throughout My career). One night, being the adventurous couple W/we were, we decided to attempt switching. He put My legs in a binder, tied My hands up and behind My head and slipped a blindfold on Me. 30 seconds later, if that, I safeworded. An overwhelming sense of claustrophobia struck Me. We didn't ever try switching again.

My ex-partner and I parted ways a few years after that, and I began to explore My sexuality as a single person. I decided that I would try to avoid dating anyone who identified solely as submissive. Topping at both work and at home was burning Me out. As you can imagine though, when you are so open about being a Dominatrix, attracting partners who aren't submissive can be somewhat difficult 🙂

I thought that perhaps I would try submission again, now a few years after My last attempt. I find shibari both artistic and relaxing, so I've quite enjoyed being tied up a few times. During My trip to Thailand last year I took part in a 6 hour long, meditative shibari session. Although good experiences, these were really lacking of any D/s dynamic.

I also dabbled with a couple of casual partners who indulged My desire to try subbing. I've probably tried it four or five times total. To be completely honest, I spent most occasions (silently) critiquing technique and comparing it to what I would do...! Sadly, it is difficult not to when you are submitting to someone much less experienced at Topping than you are.

My first attempt at suspension.

My desire to have a more successful, enjoyable attempt grew. You'll often hear people categorise the submissives of Pro-Dommes as powerful, Type-A, business types, looking for release from their high pressure lives (although I'm of the opinion that the high tributes Us Dommes demand may well make that a biased sample!). My work was becoming more demanding each year. More and more men were submitting to My every whim and paying Me for the privilege. Psychologically, the idea of giving up control to someone else was becoming more and more attractive, as it was in stark contrast to the rest of My life. Like My type-A subs, I started to see such an experience as 'freeing'.

Then last year I had a potential submissive contact Me asking for a 'switch' session, whereby I would sub to him for the first half, before getting My own back as a Top the second half. The activities he wanted to explore with Me as a submissive were all fairly soft and within My limits, so I agreed. It sounded like a fun session.

A little snap of My marks after My switch session...

Afterwards, I received an email from the same person, saying that he felt much more naturally Dom than he anticipated, and would I consider doing a purely submissive session. As I had already seen him in a switch capacity, and knew his style of Topping suited Me, I said yes. The prospect of exploring submission excited Me. We embarked on a lengthy email conversation, discussing each and every possible activity. I had to think long and hard about what I was willing to do, what I was willing to try, and what I absolutely would not do under any circumstances. His interests aligned perfectly with My limits, and I agreed to 'tutor' him in certain activities so he would know how to do it safely.

We embarked on a series of sessions with Me as the submissive. I was spanked and whipped. Given homework and cleaning tasks. I had hot wax poured over Me, and cold glasses of water thrown over Me. Bound with rope, I tried 'predicament bondage'. I took the cane. My sessions as a submissive explored lots of other things too, but I won't go into too much detail here out of respect and discretion for My Dom. Plus, I'd like to leave your imaginations running a little 😉

Some of the shibari I did in Thailand...

I found a new understanding of what it was like to submit to someone without there being a more sexual aspect to it. It was an interesting experience, being paid to partake in a non-sexual, purely D/s relationship. There were times where I felt this wonderful urge to be good submissive and please My Dominant. There were also times where I found submitting very difficult. I felt somewhat conflicted about accepting payment for something which, at certain points, I did not enjoy. It seemed very much against My work ethos.

Our sessions eventually came to a mutual end. During O/our last session, I felt as though a boundary was crossed (albeit in a minor way). I safeworded, W/we discussed it, and he apologised profusely. Even so, this dampened My trust in My Top. Along with occasionally feeling conflicted about O/our sessions, after that incident I decided that I would likely turn down a future session if He asked for one, but he didn't book in again after that anyway. I think by that point W/we had both gotten all that W/we could from O/our sessions together.

I never advertised that I was doing submissive sessions, and I still don't. To Me, O/our dynamic felt like a one-off. We had spent so much time negotiating limits and that had built up a certain amount of trust between U/us. I also quite firmly believe that My low pain threshold generally makes Me an unsuitable professional submissive. Obviously submissives charge even more than Dominatrixes. I felt like the majority of those looking for a professional submissive would likely want to explore much harder activities than I am comfortable with.

Do I feel as though My few experiences as a submissive has made Me a better Top? Honestly... not really. I gained a little more understanding of Myself, and I gained a little bit of insight into what it is like for My submissives to visit Me, but I don't believe you need to have been a submissive to be a good Domme. To My mind, what makes a great Domme more than experience as a submissive is empathy. When I am caning a submissive, I am doing so whilst reading their body language, checking in verbally if needed, imagining how it feels for them (and obviously enjoying Myself!). I rarely think back to when I took it Myself.

Being on the receiving end of the cane did not teach Me how to administer a caning either empathetically OR safely. Years of practise fuelled by enjoyment did.

Probably the most public display of submission you will ever see from Me... at the Spankathon Porn Protest in 2015

With regards to subbing in the future, I would still like to find someone I could explore submitting with on a personal, perhaps more sexual level. I'm adventurous, and I like experimenting. But, I imagine they would have to be pretty special for it to work judging by all My past experiences... I continue to be a very fussy submissive 🙂

Until next time…

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