In Defence Of Porn…

In Defence Of Porn...

By MistressLolaRuin July 21, 2017

I recently read this article, and have been inspired (/incensed?) to respond here on My blog...

Porn warps culture. I hope credit-card checks nudge adults out of the habit
by Christina Patterson

Firstly, let Me say that although I (currently) only make non-nude, fetish/FemDom content, I stand in solidarity with ALL porn performers. I very much class Myself as both a sex worker and a pornographer. All of us in the industry are subject to a society which at once consumes the content we produce, whilst also criminalising us and decrying us for producing it. Let Me also say, that I have mixed feelings about the digital economy bill. For those unaware, the bill will require age proof of age *** on all pornographic content. Websites which refuse to comply will be blocked in the UK. This may well include My website, which you're reading this blog on right now.

I have yet to read any real, unbiased study stating that children are adversely affected by viewing pornography. But, I also don't believe that a lack of such evidence means porn is good for children to be viewing. If anyone can point Me in the direction of any such studies, then I would love to hear from you...

Although it will adversely impact Me and My business, I agree with the idea that porn should probably be less available to children. But... I also believe that blocking websites and other such censorship is a violation of liberty. As so eloquently put by activists such as Pandora Blake and Myles Jackson, porn is the 'canary in the coalmine' of free speech. Censorship of porn may well be the thin end of the wedge... What might our government decide we shouldn't be viewing next?

I feel somewhat personally 'protective' over porn. Not simply because I make it, but because I believe it has had a positive impact on Me and My sexuality. I have spent the majority of the past few years either single or in long distance relationships. Porn has helped Me explore and enjoy My sexuality without needing to resort to casual sex with near strangers. Porn helped Me to understand My body and how it responds to pleasure. It has taught Me how to make Myself orgasm more easily, and how to then better instruct My lovers. The sex I have with partners is better and healthier as a result of masturbation, which has been aided in part by pornography (and My hitachi wand 🙂 )

So, now you know a little more about My own outlook, let's dive into this terrible article together.

Christina Patterson makes sweeping statements that children copy what they see in porn. That porn teaches them to disregard consent. That children believe violence and screaming are a normal part of sex. That sexual harassment in schools is becoming ever more normalised by porn. That children are being stripped of their childhoods.

This is presented with NO evidence at all (unless you count those unnamed 'expert witnesses'), but I'll bite anyway.

It may well be that children are copying what they see in porn. That they now believe screaming or violence is a normal part of it. That they are disregarding consent as a result. But in the absence of any real sex education telling them otherwise, where else do you expect children to learn about this?

It's also worth noting, whilst on the topic of violence in pornography, that there's actually much than you might initially think. This article by Psychology Today (debunking a study claiming 88% of porn shows violence against women) looks across 5 peer review studies. They found violence against women in 2%-36% of porn. The disparity between these studies findings is generally a result of what the examiners class as 'violence'. That study that found only 2% of pornography showing violence against women? That was the only study which didn't class consensual BDSM as violence.

I was a female school child before the age of the internet, and I suffered sexual harassment at school. Most of My female friends did too... this is, sadly, hardly a new phenomenon. I don't want to make light of a serious issue, and I accept perhaps porn is now adding to a hyper sexualised culture, but this problem already existed long before hardcore pornography was so readily available. Blaming porn entirely is just scapegoating.

For Me, it's clear that there is a huge failure in our education system. For some reason entirely unknown to Me, there seems to be a moral outrage at giving our children anything more than the bare minimum in reproductive biology. God forbid they might go on to make informed choices about their bodies, their sex lives or their relationships in the future...

Patterson quite boldly claims that 'porn warps'. She states that PornHubs most popular search terms of 'crying in pain', 'extreme brutal gangbang', 'sleep assault', 'step mum' and 'teen' as her evidence.

Here are the actual most searched terms reported by PornHub in the UK last year...

This is taken from PornHubs 2016 Year in Review, which I highly recommend you take the time to browse over yourself, it's fascinating... https://www.pornhub.com/insights/2016-year-in-review

'Step Mum' comes in at #5, and 'Teen' is the second most popular category. The far more offensive and violent search terms of 'crying in pain', 'extreme brutal gangbang' and 'sleep assault' are funnily enough nowhere to be seen. I guess reporting the truth (that people like watching sexy videos of massages and british chavs) just doesn't quite paint the panicked picture Patterson would like.

Under the digital economy bill, you may to need to jump through a few hoops to get your porn. They may ask for credit card details and charge a small fee. You'll be leaving a bigger 'porn footprint' as a result. Patterson especially relishes in how this might show up on bank accounts and be seen 'by wives'.

Not only does this insinuate that only men consume pornography, but it also ignores some more dangerous personal implications. Imagine how homophobic parents of a 19 year old teen might react if they see a bank statement with a payment to a gay pornography website? Or how highly traditional parents might react to their adult child's donation to a kink or trans website?

Just under 1/4 of PornHubs visits are by women. Men are clearly not the only ones who consume pornography...

Patterson claims that she doubts people who consume porn remain loving partners and pillars of society. I am both a producer and consumer of pornography. By Pattersons standards, that probably makes Me the lowest of the low. The reality is a different picture. I am a very loving partner, not only in My personal life, but to My paying slaves. Open communication and consent is at the forefront of every interaction I have, sexual or paid. I educate about consent at every chance I get.

Perhaps there aren't many people would class Me as a 'pillar of society', but I am certainly not a menace to it. I was able to financially, physically and emotionally support My parents through My dads illness thanks to My work. I've also supported past partners/friends through tough times when they might have otherwise fallen through the cracks of this 'society' Patterson cares so much about. I get lots of free time, and I spend some of that giving my time to a charity which works to support some of the most at risk women in My city. Maybe it's irrelevant, but I also paid more taxes in 2014 than Facebook (like many Pro-Dommes I imagine). But hey, fuck all that, because every now and again I like to watch sexy videos.

I don't say any of that to win any accolades. Almost everyone I know, including My own fans, are loving, kind and generous people. They care deeply about the people around them and about society as a whole. The fact they like to get their rocks off to porn on occasion doesn't make them monsters. To shame the viewers of pornography and paint them as demons to society is both wrong and disgusting.

Patterson says the internet inventor Tim-Berners-Lee probably didn't dream of a wild west that would do us so much harm, and that she can't wait for the day when we're all a little bit less free. Funnily enough, when the 'porn filters' came out back in 2013, they didn't just block adult content. They also blocked helpful sex education websites aimed at teenagers, such as the charity Brook. Blocked websites also include support forums for lesbians, gays, trans, queer and intersex people. They even blocked NHS pages aimed at providing teenagers with sexual health education. That doesn't much sound to Me like the 'open platform that would allow everyone, everywhere, to share information, access opportunities, and collaborate across geographic and cultural boundaries' that Tim Berners-Lee imagined either.

What Patterson handily misses out from the NSPCC report is...

"Children and young people want information, advice and support about porn that is suitable for different ages and genders. They want to be able to easily get safe, reliable and private information that is fun and relevant to them"

My advice to those with Christina Pattersons view is this... how about instead of spending all that time and energy blaming pornography, and decrying all porn producers and porn consumers as deviants, you start canvassing for real, innovative and comprehensive sex education to be mandatory in our schools? Because honestly, without that, what other frame of reference have children got for sex other than porn? The digital economy bill may well stop kids stumbling across porn by mistake. But it won't stop them searching for it using VPN's because they have no other information about sex to learn from.

I imagine we would all be much happier and healthier if we have gotten real sex education at school.

Imagine sex education classes for our children which don't just teach about biology, but help children to learn about their relationships to other people and to their own bodies. How important it is to recognise and set your own boundaries, and to respect other peoples. Teach them all about the nuances of consent, and give them tools on how to navigate it.

Certainly teach them about the risks of STI/STD's, but also teach them about the unfair stigma attached to many of them. Give them advice about contraception which will protect them, and the importance of regular STI testing and cervical screenings. Teach young women they shouldn't feel shame about their sexual desires or their bodies. Teach young men to respect women, and to embrace and vocalise their emotions. Have them learn about the entire spectrum of alternative sexuality. Teach them that falling under the LBTQIA+ umbrella is both normal and natural. Give them resources for further support if they need it.

Most crucially, teach children that porn is a fantasy made by and for adults. That sometimes, what we see in porn is not what is most enjoyable. It's about what looks best for the camera. That porn often bears as little likeness to real life sex as the latest Quentin Tarantino film bears to real life in general. I know for a fact how much I would have personally benefited from such an education.

I am hopeful, but sadly I think we are a long way off this being the reality.
Advocating for proper sex education, instead of inciting moral panic, just wouldn't get as many clicks through to the Guardians website...

(Image credit for this beauty goes to John Jonik)


Until next time…

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My Love of Latex…

My Love of Latex...

By MistressLolaRuin | September 27, 2016

It's obvious from My galleries and tweets just how much I love latex clothing. My collection is constantly growing, and when I bought a new double wardrobe a couple of months ago, one half of it was immediately assigned to holding all of My rubber. It is already overflowing.

Image of Professional Dominatrix Manchester Mistress Lola Ruin in Latex Rubber

My first latex catsuit...


Today, I thought I would give you a closer look at one of My favourite fetishes, explaining in more detail what it is about latex that I personally find so erotic.

Image of Professional Dominatrix Manchester Mistress Lola Ruin in Latex Rubber

Corsetted Latex Dress from House of Harlot


Firstly, I adore the way that latex looks. The ultra glossy finish, and super tight fit which seems to accentuate every curve whilst pulling Me in in all the right places. This is even more obvious when I pour Myself in My favourite piece, My corsetted catsuit from House of Harlot. Gifted to Me by a wonderfully generous slave, whom loves latex almost as much as I do...

Image of Professional Dominatrix Manchester Mistress Lola Ruin in Latex Rubber

My Favourite Piece... quite the accolade!


I also love the way that latex feels. I immediately feel sexier, more dominant, more 'fetishistic'. Simply the feeling of a tight second skin around Me is so erotic. How sensual it feels, both restrictive and slippy when I have lubed up to get into it. How warm it is been wearing it for hours and have built up a sweat inside. I recently had a bath whilst wearing the catsuit pictured above, and this was a whole new sensation. A dip into a swimming pool whilst head to toe in rubber is near the top of My bucket list as a result...

Image of Professional Dominatrix Manchester Mistress Lola Ruins Latest Latex

Latest Purchase. An early birthday present to Myself from Westward Bound


I know some people don't like the smell of latex... I am not one of those people. Having said that, this is an aspect of My 'fetish' which has grown alongside with My collection. A by product of My love of latex which I now love in it's own right. I once walked into a latex shop during a heatwave, and that rubber smell was so overpowering... Gorgeous.

Image of Professional Dominatrix Manchester Mistress Lola Ruin in Latex Rubber

Military Latex Dress...


As with many BDSM activities or fetishes, I also love the 'ritual' of it. Caring for it. Washing it in vivishine, polishing it with Pjur Cult. Talcing it and storing it. It is one of the few 'chores' I actually enjoy doing. And of course, dressing in it is a ritual in itself. Taking My time to coat Myself in a thin layer of lube. Sliding, working, pouring My way into it.

Image of Professional Dominatrix Manchester Mistress Lola Ruin's Latex Rubber Collection

Laundry Day...


I love how latex is now seen as a little more fashionable/mainstream, thanks to the likes of Kim K, Katy Perry, Gaga and so on. I can wear it out in a vanilla setting without much fuss, and I tend to only get compliments on it. Occasionally, I like to give My vanilla life just a touch of fetish like this. In a way, it's one of the things I love most about BDSM. How it can so easily be subtle in public. Although I admit, going to the bathroom in a club is a pain, it is worth it. I have always loved to play dress up anyway.

Image of Professional Dominatrix Manchester Mistress Lola Ruin in Latex Rubber

In the dressing room of a high street clothes shop. Latex has gone mainstream it seems...


To say I am a heavy rubberist would likely be a step too far. I don't need to be dressed head to toe in latex to get Me off sexually. But in the same way I adore a gorgeous pair of patent shoes that accentuates My high arches, or a well boned corset that laces My waist down to a tiny size, I love latex and the transformative power of it.

Until next time…

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Behind the scenes…

Behind the scenes...

By MistressLolaRuin August 26, 2016

Today I thought I would take you 'behind the scenes' of both My work and play.

Late last week I travelled down to the infamous English Mansion after being invited to a FemDom Garden party, hosted by the wonderful Mistress Sidonia. Also attended by Mistress Evilyne and Mistress Annalieza, We were served and entertained by 5 very lucky subbies (or perhaps you would class them as unlucky considering how cruel all Us ladies are...?)

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With the fabulously wicked Mistress Evilyne and Mistress Annalieza...

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Before the Garden Party was in full swing, with sub sophie

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With Mistress Sidonia, Mistress Evilyne, sub sophie and Mistress Annalieza...

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The Aftermath...


Of course, all of Our antics were captured on video (along with other scenes I filmed whilst there), and will be available on The English Mansion Website soon...

 

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After the garden party I stayed over at the Mansion, then early the next morning rushed off to meet up with My sister at a small yoga festival close by. Outside of Domming I have many vanilla interests of which yoga comes pretty near the top of the list, perhaps this will be a surprise to those of you who think I live in latex and thigh boots!

 

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En route to a rainy festival... PVC perverts rejoice!

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My first class of the festival... can you spot Me?

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Body painting yoga anatomy class...

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Final day of the festival, soothing aching muscles in a hot tub with My sister...


After a night pampering Myself in a hotel, I finally made the long journey back up North to Manchester. Naturally, My slaves there were patiently waiting for My return.

It seems I am very much living by a 'work hard, play hard' motto right now. Not only do I adore My work, I also adore how it allows Me the luxury of being able to take time off to pursue other pleasures.

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One final piece of eye candy, snapped between scenes at The English Mansion...


My downtime is very precious to Me. Being a Domme can be very psychologically draining, especially so when you are also lifestyle like Myself. During very busy periods I have previously been close to burning out, and so I make of point of both limiting the amount of sessions I take per day as well as really 'unplugging' when I take time off. I feel fully focused and present during My time with slaves when I have quality downtime, but it also makes Me feel happier and healthier overall. 

I feel very lucky to have such a great balance in My life. Thank you to all My slaves, submissives and fans for contributing to that 🙂

Until next time…

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Reality VS. Fantasy…

Reality VS. Fantasy...

By MistressLolaRuin March 30, 2016

Earlier this week I welcomed a new novice slave into My chambers for his very first session. Afterwards, he sent Me an incredibly insightful email about his thoughts and (with his permission) here is a small excerpt which I thought I would discuss in further detail…
I was also really surprised and impressed by the way you conducted yourself in and out of our session, the contrast in personalities was not something I had expected, and correct me if I'm wrong but it really goes to show how societal conventions have forced us as humans to adapt in a manner that sufficiently satisfy the expectations and demands associated with our given environment. If you don't mind me asking, when dommes such as yourself and Mistress Noir in this case, were laughing and mocking me during our session, was this a partially forced gesture for the sake of keeping to character, or did you really take genuine pleasure in seeing me act in that slavish manner, again within character?

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Reality VS. Fantasy...


Of course, I do get genuine pleasure from My sessions. I don’t accept sessions that don’t interest Me, and My services list is notably missing a few incredibly popular activities for the simple reason that I don’t enjoy and/or wish to engage in them with My submissives. It is important to Me that My work never feels like work, and I would rather lose out on sessions than accept anyone and everyone for the sake of My bank balance.
But there are other things at play in what My slave has said here too. There are a few reasons why My personality appears different during play time than outside of it…
It puts My new submissives at ease…
If I were to go into My consultations all guns blazing, I doubt My slaves would feel able to freely discuss their desires openly. Plus, not everyone is looking for the same thing. What My submissives desire from serving Me ranges. Some simply wish to relinquish control to Me for an hour of their day. Others are looking to be initiated into long-term D/s servitude, which takes time and training. I don't believe either are inhibited by informality outside of play time.
I don’t believe in giving anything away for free!
If you email, call, tweet Me, you can expect Me to be courteous, professional, even sweet to you. This is not because I am not Dominant, it’s because I am not stupid… those who contact Me wish to be Dominated, and often that includes being degraded, humiliated, talked down to. I am fully aware of this, and also aware that there are many unscrupulous slaves. These slaves have no intention of ever tributing, and contact Me with inane questions/requests simply to get a rise from Me. In which case, I (politely) say no.
Only after you have tributed can you expect to feel My wrath… 🙂
I do not lead a 24/7 lifestyle…
I am sure many of My subs like to think I roll out of My bed straight into a latex catsuit, bark orders at everyone I encounter and permanently have a whip attached to My hand. I am afraid that is not the case. Not only would that be exhausting, but also incredibly impractical… I doubt I would get very far in life at all if I went around treating everyone as My submissives.
…But I love to play professionally and personally!
I was a bossy child, and I have always been kinky. Most Dommes I know say the same. Now that I am older, I'm a fairly zen, laid back person. My play time, both professional and personal, gives Me the opportunity to tap into an aspect of My character which isn’t viable for Me to live out all day every day.

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A photo from a recent holiday, if only to prove I don't live in latex and thigh boots!


Perhaps there will be some people reading this who will take the above as a chance to call into question My integrity as a Domme. That what I have said means I am not really lifestyle, not a true Dominant, not genuine. But in reality, the above is also true for so many of My submissives. Outside of O/our play, they are generally alpha, business men with a-type personalities. They lead stressful lives which they exert huge amounts of control over. I don't question their submission as a result.
Until next time…

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