Orgasm Control

In-depth Exploration of Orgasm Control in BDSM: Unraveling the Intricacies of Edging, Chastity, Ruined Orgasms, Forced Orgasms, and Post-Orgasm Torment

If you have followed me for long enough, you’re likely already familiar with the concept of Orgasm Control. However, for those uninitiated, or those wanting to dive deeper into this fascinating form of play (which also happens to be my personal favourite and forte), this blog is just for you. Your first order is to view my wishlist, apply online to be my servant, and book in person sessions.

Orgasm control is all about the thrilling power dynamics surrounding the timing and nature of a person’s orgasm, and covers a range of different activities and techniques. This style of play can provide an incredibly rewarding experience for all involved, heightening any eventual and deepening your submission to me. Simultaneously, it can be intensely frustrating, creating a unique form of pleasure drawn from the denial of orgasm and the building of tension and anticipation. In this comprehensive blog post, we will delve deeper into various orgasm control practices within BDSM, exploring their nuances and discussing the transformative benefits they can bring to your BDSM sessions.

Edging: The Delicate Dance of Anticipation

Edging, a widely practiced and wildly popular form of orgasm control, is all about a delicate dance of anticipation. This technique involves taking a person tantalizingly close to the brink of orgasm, only to withdraw all stimulation before they finally cross the threshold into climax. This can be accomplished manually through a partner’s skilled touch or by employing sex toys such as vibrators and milking machines.

The overarching aim of edging is to intensify tension, anticipation and frustration which culminates in an eventual orgasm that is far more potent and gratifying than a typical climax. Naturally, the more edgings you have, usually the more intense that final release will be (if I allow you to have release at all… I have been known to send submissives away completely denied on my more sadistic days!)

Chastity: The Power of Sexual Denial

Chastity is another popular form of orgasm control. It involves the use of a specially designed device, commonly referred to as a chastity cage. This device effectively prevents the wearer from touching or stimulating their genitals, in fact it can even stop you from getting an erection (and some cages are designed to be especially painful when you do).

This ties in with the concept of ‘key holding’. The key to this cage is held by your Mistress, who decides if and when you are to be unlocked at all. This is a powerful form of control, and the intensity of chastity play is second to none. When the submissive is denied any and all forms of sexual release until the Mistress allows it, it has the tendency to really increase your focus and obedience to her.

However, I will offer a warning that chastity is one of those fantasies which sometimes doesn’t quite translate to reality for some. Whilst the thought of wearing a cock cage for your Dommes seems super-hot in a horny moment, waking up with a painful erection and no way to unlock can really break that fantasy. My advice is to take your time, slowly introducing chastity into your sessions, then short bursts of your daily life, before getting locked up for longer stretches. Easing into chastity gradually is definitely the best way of testing how much of this fantasy you can handle in real life.

Ruined Orgasms: The Bittersweet Symphony of Frustration

Ruined orgasms offer a unique and playful twist on orgasm control (and is my personal favourite way to torment my submissives!). This method involves taking a person right up to the very cusp of orgasm and then abruptly stopping all stimulation just before they climax. Unlike edging, where the aim is complete denial, a ruined orgasm involves continued stimulation for just a few extra seconds beyond the edge, leading to a smaller and much less satisfying orgasm.

This can be an incredibly frustrating experience, feeling more like a very intense edging than an actual release for the person being stimulated, yet paradoxically, it can also be highly arousing, adding a bittersweet symphony to the session. Often you can continue playing beyond ruined orgasms, giving yet more edgings and ruinings without the usual refractory period. Mostly, I just find it hilarious to watch you be completely mind fucked as you witness yourself have an orgasm but feel none of the pleasurable release you usually do!

Forced Orgasms: The Erotic Overload

Forced orgasms form another variant of orgasm control that involves stimulating a person until they achieve orgasm, regardless of their readiness or willingness to climax. As with other forms of orgasm control, this can be achieved with manual stimulation or toys such as vibrators, but I think this is best suited to milking machines. Something about being hooked up to a machine designed to make you orgasm regardless of your willingness certainly helps you feel more vulnerable and obedience to the Mistress controlling it!

Forced orgasms can lead to an overwhelming sensory experience, as the person being stimulated loses control over their timing. This type of play pushes the boundaries of pleasure, leading to an erotic overload that can be incredibly intense, particularly if it comes at the very end of a prolonged period in chastity, finally unlocked and given some extended edging and ruined orgasms first!

Post-Orgasm Torment: Pleasure and Pain in Unison

Post-orgasm torment is a type of orgasm control that involves continued stimulation after a person has already climaxed. Which often leads to a highly intense experience. For some, the pleasure derived from an orgasm is so powerful that any additional stimulation post-climax can be almost unbearable as you are so sensitive to any form of touch. A perfect way to add a little dash of pain into the mix of orgasm control play, and especially good for those who enjoy other forms of CBT yet cannot be left with any marks. This practice really blurs the lines between pleasure and pain, adding an extra level of intensity and heat to orgasm control sessions.

The Multidimensional Benefits of Orgasm Control Play

Embracing orgasm control play can offer a wealth of benefits for the submissive. The act of being denied sexual release can be intensely arousing. The tension and anticipation that build up from all this denial can create a heightened sense of expectancy, making the eventual release even more satisfying. It’s also my experience that this level of play is excellent for those who aren’t so much into pain or who cannot be left with any marks, and yet still want to experience a real loss of control and power. The denial of pleasure can be far more intense than the dishing out of pain if done correctly, and on top of that I find it really does encourage you to be on your best behaviour. Denial helps you to focus, increase your obedience, your obsession, and your submission.

Conclusion

By exploring various forms of orgasm control—such as edging, chastity, ruined orgasms, forced orgasms, and post-orgasm torment—you can deepen your submission while embarking on a journey of sexual discovery as guided by an expert Dominatrix. These practices allow you to push boundaries, explore new sensations, and unlock new levels of trust and vulnerability.

Until next time,

Manchester Mistress Dominatrix BDSM Ashton Under Lyne Playspace Chambers Dungeon Fetish FemDom Kinky - 484
Manchester Mistress Expert Dominatrix Lola Ruin

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Vulnerability…

Vulnerability...

By MistressLolaRuin | April 26, 2022

Manchester Mistress Dominatrix - A Domme at work

When I first slipped on a pair of thigh highs over a decade ago, I learned that the men who came to see Me wanted a strong, powerful Woman. They wanted to place you on a pedestal, and use you like a blank screen they could project their fantasies onto. In order to be a successful Domme, you should curate every little glimpse they see to reflect that ideal. Under no circumstances, should you show any weakness or vulnerability.

For a long time, I believed that would be the only possible fantasy men could buy into, and I had to keep up with those smoke and mirrors.

As time went on and I became to question this ‘Dominant Ideal’ more and more. I wondered whether that was something I even bought into Myself. Not only was I the Dominant, but this was My career… could I make My own rules, and still pay My rent?

‘A successful Domme is the picture perfect image of success at all times.
Steely, traditional, hardcore and relentless…’

As a feminist, I also felt conflicted about being a sex worker… I was actively contributing to a highly sexualised view of women, and I grew more and more uneasy about that.

For a long time, I mulled over whether there was a way to humanise Myself more, but still keep those sessions coming to pay My bills. I wanted My followers to see Me and other sex workers as a whole humans, with lives and personalities which are complex and varied.

My work itself also evolved, and I realised how much emotional labour it really involved. Many slaves who came to see Me were not looking for a quick spanking and an orgasm in the corner. They wanted something more than that. They wanted a space which felt safe and intimate and freeing. With that in mind, approaching My work completely void of any real emotion felt fairly disingenuous.

BDSM should first and foremost be about trust and connection.
Once you have that, it paves the way for those therapeutic, cathartic experiences...

I slowly gained more confidence in Myself, and I began to show a little more personality. Little by little, I (willingly) let the façade slip. I began to write more personal blog posts, and spoke more openly about things I feel are important both in and outside BDSM.

When I did that, a funny thing happened. The more personal My blog posts were, the more popular they became. The more vulnerability I showed, the more that seemed to resonate with people. Prospective slaves began to seek Me out as a result of the thoughts and writings I had began to share. As I began to become more authentic and vulnerable in My work, that seemed to really strike a chord with My submissives.

Showing vulnerability as a Dominatrix can feel daunting,
when there is such pressure to be the perfect, Dominant ideal of men's fantasies...

The calibre of slaves who now approached Me dramatically improved. The more openly I talk about Myself, the more respectful and adoring My slaves became. I received less insulting comments or timewasters. I imagine they had begun to see Me as a whole, real person, and not as the perfect, latex clad, whip wielding indestructible Domme.

I talked openly about the importance of consent, relationship styles and mental health. As I did, I suddenly found My submissives were becoming not only more compatible with Me, but that they were opening up to Me more and more. They confined not only their innermost fantasies, but their own struggles. Many of them told Me they had never confined that in anyone else before. I am no therapist, but I think we can all agree from experience that sometimes just being able to speak aloud about your problems can be healing.

There is strength in being so open with another person, regardless of whether it’s a paid encounter or not. Feeling able to be vulnerable, in My experience, is far more often empowering than it isn’t. Beyond that, it fosters a sense of real trust. Even if a slave and I have never met before, they already feel a level of connection to Me because My writings have resonated with them.

As soon as I began to shake off the myth of the Unshakeable, World-Class Dominatrix,
My work became far more meaningful and real, for both Myself and My submissives...

I’m not a therapist, but I believe to the ground that a connection like D/s can be highly therapeutic for all involved. I love giving that space to My submissives, and developing a real sense of connection and trust with them. In fact, it’s probably what I love most about My work.

If I could give a single piece of advice to any apprising Dominant, it would be to be authentic to yourself, and not to an ideal which by definition is impossible to obtain. Speak freely about what matters to you, be strong enough to show vulnerability, and you’ll find that attracts the slaves you’ll love to play with…

“What happens when people open their hearts?"
"They get better.”
― Haruki Murakami

Until next time...

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Locked up for Lola Ruin, Part 3…

Locked up for Lola Ruin - Part 3...

By MistressLolaRuin | March 26, 2019

Manchester Mistress Lola Ruin loves to sensually Dominate her subs.
Delve deeper, and learn more about a Chastity slaves experience under her expert lock and key...

Chastity Diary
Day 8

As I write this about halfway through the 25th of December, with carols still ringing about the house, I can say that being locked up for Christmas by Mistress Lola is everything I thought it would be. Without any bit of obsequiousness I can say that every picture of Herself – and I do mean every picture – that She posts on Twitter is enough to have me bulging inside my cage. I'm wondering if this is the start of a wonderful seasonal tradition, albeit one that doesn't lend itself very well to sharing with others. I'm even wondering if I deserve a smaller cage, but that's a conversation I need to have with my Mistress. Well, “conversation" implies perhaps too much negotiating power on my part, but you take my meaning.

I woke up this morning thinking about Mistress Lola leading me around in public by a leash attached to my cage, which feels a thematically appropriate fantasy, as well as a good place to leave this diary entry.

Chastity Diary
Day 9

I decided to capitalise on some early morning frustration today and watch Mistress Lola’s video clip right after waking up. Having also watched it just before I went to bed last night, I can say without risk of exaggeration that worshipping Mistress Lola was the last thing I thought about last night and the first thing this morning.

I don’t know if the distraction from my chastity cage of being around other people all the time is a welcome one. There have been plenty of times today where I’ve craved a couple of hours’ isolation just to think quietly about my last session and anticipate O/our next one. I’ll be home in a couple of days, so I’ll soon be able to devote as much time as I like to this sort of rumination.

Chastity Diary
Day 10

I keep expecting my sense of pent-up frustration to subside, but it seems merely to have plateaued. Although I have long since learned to ignore the instinct to have an orgasm whenever the desire takes me, and in that sense being in chastity is becoming somewhat easier, the constant frustration is impossible to ignore. Unable even to have a full erection, I can derive a little pleasure from straining inside my cage, feeling the plastic pressing against my cock, but it’s a long way from a satisfying substitute. All I want to think about is Mistress Lola’s fingertips running over my thighs and chest, feeling Her gorgeous bottom pressing against my face, looking up into Her eyes…

Chastity Diary
Day 11

At last I’m home after being away for Christmas. Of course it’s always nice to spend some time around the rest of my family – I travel too much for work to see them as much as I’d like – but having got used to the serenity of living alone it’s always nice to relax and unwind on my own.

This year being locked in chastity has added something extra to that, of course. By way of some self-indulgence I’ve just spent an hour or so relaxing with some coffee and, sitting in only my chastity cage, watching some of Mistress Lola’s video clips. With another week in chastity to go until I see Her this may not have been an entirely wise thing to do, but it was certainly emotionally satisfying even if it was physically frustrating.

Chastity Diary
Day 12

Yesterday Mistress Lola decided to increase my daily dose of frustration ahead of O/our session. She has instructed me to watch a video clip at least three times a day: straight after waking up, just before bed and at any other point in between. I’ll be bookending my day with the chastity tease clip She filmed specifically for session preparation and choosing another of Her clips to go between them.

If I weren’t already thinking about Mistress Lola holding the keys to my cock cage constantly, I expect this extra homework will make sure of it. It already feels like my cock has been bulging inside the cage all day. I’m about to take myself off to bed, already frustrated, to watch Mistress Lola’s video clip again.

Chastity Diary
Day 13

I must have spent about half an hour last night trying to get to sleep lying on top of my hard, plastic-covered cock, thinking about pressing my face into Mistress Lola’s bottom. After waking up and watching Mistress Lola’s video clip first thing this morning I spent about another hour or so in bed thinking about Her again. I like to think about Her dangling the key to my cock in front of me, about Her showing off my locked-up cock to others – that’s the exhibitionist in me talking again – or about Her sitting on my chest while Her fingertips drum on my plastic cage…

I’m really grateful that Mistress Lola is holding the keys to the cage, and there’s no hope of escape without Her permission. It means I can spend the whole day thinking about what Her bestowing an orgasm, even a ruined one, would feel like while I’m sure in the understanding that I cannot have one without Her.

 

To be continued...

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Locked up for Lola Ruin, Part 2…

Locked up for Lola Ruin - Part 2...

By MistressLolaRuin | January 15, 2019

The ultimate Chastity experience in Manchester,
Mistress Lola Ruin loves to keep Her slaves under Her lock and key...

Chastity Diary
Day 4

Another morning of frustrated desire. Because today was one of complete leisure it meant I could spend a couple of hours restlessly in bed, thinking about Mistress Lola and O/our session a few days ago. My bruises are no longer painful, but I still have a few healing cuts to remind me of my caning. I press my face into the pillow and think of worshipping Her bottom. None of this is particularly helpful in dealing with my cock straining inside its cage, but of course this is the perverse joy and the challenge of chastity.

Chastity Diary
Day 5

Other than when travelling home from O/our session this was the first day I’ve worn the cage out in public during this stint of chastity. As always this feels a little perilous, although that might be just a bit of an exhibitionist fantasy talking.

When being caned it’s difficult to ignore the impulse to keep track of what proportion of my allotted strokes Mistress Lola has given me (halfway there, three fifths of the way there…). I’m now a third of the way through my time locked up, or at least a third of the way towards my next session with Mistress; since She holds the keys literally and figuratively I should not perhaps be so sure…

 

Chastity Diary
Day 6

I’m writing this on my last morning at home before travelling away for Christmas this afternoon. It’s been another pretty sleepless night of high frustration, and it’ll be interesting to see how that carries through into dealing with constant company. This will be not only my longest time locked up in chastity but also the first time I’ve been locked up for Christmas, and right now I imagine it could be something of a relief when I get home and I can deal with my frustration in private, but it might also be that all the festivity acts as a distraction from this predicament to which I’ve submitted.

I was reflecting yesterday that my time in chastity so far seems to have gone quite quickly, but for some reason right now it feels like the (minimum) time I have left locked up is stretching away ahead of me. For all that, I’m struck by no doubt highly irrational but predictable and understandable thoughts like how wonderful it would be to be kept under lock and key by Mistress Lola permanently, only permitted any kind of release in Her presence, and so on. I couldn’t offer an explanation for this, but it doesn’t seem important to provide one, other than to relay the pleasure I’m getting from something as submissive as chastity.

Manchester Mistress Lola Ruin loves to torment you by holding the key to your caged up cock...

Chastity Diary
Day 7

Today is Christmas Eve, and despite the distraction of company to keep me from reflecting exclusively on being locked up for my Mistress – combatted somewhat, of course, by fulfilling my nightly responsibility of watching Mistress Lola's teasing video clip – the frustration has been difficult to ignore and quick and easy to trigger.

This being the first time I will have worn my cage for an extended period in such constant proximity to other people, I've had to take the preventative step of taping down the padlock on the cage to prevent it audibly rattling around. It's the sort of Christmas surprise I'd sooner keep un-sprung...

To be continued...

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Locked up for Lola Ruin, Part 1…

Locked up for Lola Ruin - Part 1...

By MistressLolaRuin | January 5, 2019

The Queen of Orgasm Control, Manchester Mistress Lola Ruin is about
to lock up Her slave for his longest stint in chastity to date...

Chastity Diary
Day 0

Like all O/our sessions this one started with me kneeling naked on the floor of Her chambers, waiting for Mistress Lola. Within a few moments of Her having entered the room I was crouched in front of Her, worshipping Her feet as W/we talked about O/our last session together, and what I’d been thinking about since then.

It’s difficult to describe how much I’ve come to feel at home – as Mistress observed – while kissing Her feet. I can never help exhibiting transparent relish as I get to run my lips over Her instep, Her delicate toes… It always feels so far removed from my time outside O/our sessions, and yet always feels so natural. Even as I write this I can feel my chest swelling with helpless desire.

After a time Mistress stood and beckoned me over Her spanking bench. She was dressed in a purple latex skirt, a section at the back cut out to display Her bottom. I truly can’t describe it or my feelings about it in a way that does justice to either, so it will have to suffice to say that being allowed to worship Mistress Lola’s bottom is perhaps the part of O/our time together I long for and recall most powerfully between sessions, and that skirt in particular is a familiar object of fascination for a reason that I’ll explain in a later entry.

In order to earn the privilege of getting to worship Her, however, as usual I was going to have to go through a cold caning first. One hundred strokes was the minimum target for today, but despite knowing what was ahead of me I couldn’t help my cock stiffening as Mistress strapped me to the bench, her hair brushing over my back as she pulled the straps tight.

As normal the first couple of dozen strokes were by far the hardest, and before long Mistress was already commenting that I was marking up well (as I sit here I can still feel the throbbing pain of those strokes quite acutely…). As the number of the strokes started to climb I began to melt into that mental space with which other slaves will be familiar, losing all track of time and remaining aware only of Mistress Lola and the metronomic thud of Her cane against my flesh.

Once my caning and its aftercare were finished Mistress released me and bade me worship Her feet and legs, up to the hem of Her latex skirt, until I had recovered from my punishment. My shoulders and arms were still shaking with adrenaline when I started, but after a while it subsided and Mistress instructed me to lie down on a flat, leather bench. Within a few seconds I was again strapped down, this time face up, and blindfolded.

I couldn’t say how long Mistress teased my naked body for, caressing me and running her fingertips over me, until I heard the humming and felt the throbbing of Her vibrator on my erect cock. I could feel myself coming close to the edge when Mistress switched it off, and when She pulled off my blindfold I found Her perched over me, Her exposed bottom tantalisingly close to my face.

Instructing me to play with my cock, She began to lower Herself towards me, finally sitting over my face, my eager lips and nose buried beneath her skin. Again and again She smothered me under Her bottom, sometimes perching so that I had to strain against my straps to kiss Her, only to lower Herself again on top of me. Whenever my mind wanders from what I’m doing during any waking hour this is what I think about, and although I think Mistress Lola knows how much I relish these moments at the time and cherish them afterwards, it’s impossible to communicate it here.

Eventually Mistress stood and told me that O/our session had finished. As W/we had planned she instructed me to put on the chastity cage I had brought with me and, frustrated, denied a last release, I did so. I handed over the keys to my lock for Mistress’s safekeeping, still flushed with all the sensations from the session, and looking forward (I think) to all the sensations of the weeks to come…

 

Chastity Diary
Day 1

I’m writing this quite late at night. I woke up with my cage on this morning, and although as normal I became at once aware of my cock pressing inside it, it didn’t feel as alien and out-of-place as it sometimes has in the past. It perhaps helps in that regard that my bottom is still very sore from its caning yesterday (with plenty of lovely marks!), so that the sensation of the plastic cage is scarcely uppermost in my mind.

However, Mistress has devised a cure for that: I am about to lie in bed and watch a custom video clip She filmed for me for these occasions, reminding me that She holds the keys to my cage, as well as how excited I get about worshipping Her (featuring the purple latex skirt from O/our session yesterday…).

You can imagine how effective this is during even short stints in chastity, and with a bit less than three weeks of denial in front of me I suspect its effects will be quite acute, never mind anything else that Mistress Lola has in store for me…

 

The best experience of Orgasm Control and Chastity imaginable,
Manchester Dominatrix Lola Ruin will keep you locked up for as long as She pleases...

 

Chastity Diary
Day 2

I’ve spent practically the whole morning in a state of unassuageable desire. As the pain of my caning a couple of days ago has subsided, so has the feeling of confinement become harder to ignore. I had already resolved, therefore, to write today’s diary entry quite early in the day, and I’d just sat down to get to work when I decided to browse Mistress Lola’s fan’s site.

I can therefore report proudly (maybe a little too proudly) that as I write this I’m also fulfilling Mistress’s slave task for the day and wearing (if that’s the right verb) a rubber butt plug to go with my plastic chastity cage. I’m certain I would have been erect – or as close as I can get to it while inside the cage – without it, but with the plug inside me that’s assured.

Since it feels consistent with my position for the next couple of weeks or so, I’m going to put up with the plug for as long as I can, and go back through Mistress’s videos and find one in particular I’d been reserving to watch this week, knowing I’d be locked up for it. Time will tell if this is a good idea, but it feels like an appropriate one.

 

Chastity Diary
Day 3

This was the first morning so far that being in chastity seems to have cost me sleep, at least during this period of confinement: I woke up in the very early, dark hours of the morning and couldn’t relax enough to get back to sleep. The cruel irony – although only in the mildest terms, of course – is that normally under these circumstances I could have treated myself to a really great orgasm, the sort that really only comes with that restless, primitive vigour of feeling so full of lust so early in the day. Obviously that won’t be an option for quite a few days yet…

To be continued...

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