My Top Tips For New Dommes

My Top Tips For New Dommes...

By MistressLolaRuin November 26th, 2021

Among the many changes brought about by recent events, the sudden explosion of new workers entering the world of sex work has been one of the most noticeable. Largely due to the vast number of people who needed a way to make money from their own homes turning to OnlyFans, this expansion has spread out to other areas of sex work.

The world of Domination calls to many, and those of Us who are established in our field will often be inundated with requests for advice on the industry - how to enter it, where to start, and how to be successful. As someone who was once a young beginner, it is now important to Me that I offer the same generosity of spirit that was afforded to Me. Without the guidance of established and wiser Dommes teaching me the ropes, I would not be where I am today. There is a lot to learn for new Dommes, but my top 5 tips for those of you who are brand new to the industry would be as follows;

Choose A Unique Name

First, you need to choose a name. Your Domina name should reflect the essence of the domination you will offer to the world. It should also be unique. Not only so that you stand out and are easily identifiable for the submissives who wish to serve you, but also because choosing a name already belonging to an established Domina is considered extremely poor form in the world of BDSM. There is no need to copy someone more successful than you, and if you try, all that means is that you will struggle to compete online against the very Domme you have copied. After all, she's already there and has her territory is carved out. Better that you choose a name that is entirely your own so that you can forge your own unique brand. This will not only help submissives to recognise you, but will help when it comes to online marketing and search engine optimisation.

I say this as someone who made this very mistake... Lola is common name amongst sex workers, and I wish I had chosen something more original. However, I've worked long and hard and I've made it work for me (with the help of a second name Ruin). Anyone who chooses either the name Lola or Ruin now is going to face an uphill struggle against me and the internet presence I have been slowly building for a decade.

Choose a first and a last name, something which reflects you and your style of Domination, and do some research to make sure no one else is using it! The last thing you want to do is cause friction with other Dommes and create a lot more work for yourself as you try to compete down the line.

Research Kinks

Second, research. There are as many flavours of kink as there are kinky people. You will need to have a strong grounding in a wide variety of kinks and fetishes to begin with. Consider the variety of fetishes there are: ABDL to sounding to whipping to tie and tease. Also consider how each of these may fit better with different archetypes of Domination: Stern Mommy, Teasing Goddess, Evil Nurse, Cruel Dominatrix. Once you are familiar with them, then you can then begin to identify which ones you can cater to, how to do so safely, and which ones you won't be able to offer, either because they don't fit in with your archetype or because you do not have the safety training or equipment.

Even if you are only planning to produce online content, a convincing and skillful video requires a thorough knowledge of the fetish or act being described or portrayed. Producing a 'latex fetish' clip when you are actually wearing PVC will not win you any fans in either the Domination or submissive community. Submissives care deeply about their fetishes, and it is important you portray them accurately.

Read as many blogs and books as you can, attend workshops, pay for content or sessions to educate yourself. Some Dommes may even be happy to mentor you or allow you to shadow them, however you should consider they may well charge for their time. Try to soak up as much information as possible, and don't offer anything you don't yet know how to do safely. Later on you can hone down into your specialities, but to begin with I recommend just being a sponge for knowledge.

Have Clear Boundaries And Stick To Them

Fourth, and it is important you think about this one carefully, boundaries. Your boundaries as a Domme will not spring out fully formed like Athena from the head of Zeus, you need to consider them in detail after the research you did in step two. What are you comfortable doing, what services are you comfortable providing, what avenues of communication are you going to offer submissives? Your boundaries will, over time and with experience, naturally shift and evolve. That's normal, and a regular check in with yourself every so often will help you to keep track of how your internal world is adapting. It is vital however that you remember that the only person who can shift or alter these boundaries is you. Not a submissive or their wallet.

No matter what your boundaries are, there will be submissives who will try to push them. They will ask to sleep with you, they will beg you to offer fetishes you don't, they will contact you at ungodly hours and pour out their hearts and souls as though you are the only person in the world who could help them (apparently therapists don't exist). Be prepared for how you will respond when they do.

And then there will be some who will do all of the above but with an attachment of very tempting cash. You will have to decide what you are comfortable with, but trust me when I say that no amount of money is worth you feeling like you have betrayed yourself. Every single time I've flexed on my boundaries, I've regretted it, mostly because submissives who do not respect your boundaries are not good submissives. Your time, energy and well being is precious and you should protect it, even when a cash injection looks tempting.

Diversify Your Income

Third, diversify how you make your money. While everyone has strengths and preferences, a Domme who only produces content for one specific niche on one specific platform will quickly run into trouble when the payment processors ban that fetish, or the platform is shut down. As we saw when Onlyfans banned explicit adult content, there is no guarantee that a platform will be available to you forever. And as we saw during the pandemic, even relying solely on sessions is not a good idea (although I very much hope another pandemic is not on the horizon!)

If working online, make sure your work across a range of different platforms so that your brand can reach a wider audience and you have options in case a pesky credit card decides to refuse to work with a particular website. And if you work solely offline, consider opening a fan club just to supplement your session income. Being able to turn a side hustle into a main hustle is much easier than suddenly having to learn a brand new way of working under financial pressure. No one wants to be stuck with no income at short notice.

A quick side note about New Girl Money... when you first come onto the scene, you may find yourself inundated and making more money than ever before. Do not rely on this to last forever, because quite often that initial rush will dry up and then it can take years to really hone your hustle. I know it can be tempting to blow all that new cash on a bunch of Louboutins, but do not be frivolous. Until you are more established and the flow of sessions is more predictable, it pays to be frugal and just keep reinvesting in your business. New Girl Money can end abruptly, so plan ahead for those rainy days!

Schedule Both Work And Down Time

Fifth, scheduling. It is a truth universally acknowledged among all self employed people that it is dangerously easy to work non-stop. Id say this is especially true for Dominatrixes, as our work tends not just to be our work, but also our lifestyles. There's always more work to be done, you will find your to do list only ever gets bigger, and that can easily lead to finding yourself working into the early hours after everyone else has gone to bed. The work that we do is intensive and can take a lot of energy, and once burn out has gotten it's claws into you, it can become the most difficult job in the world. Self care is paramount to avoid that, so schedule in your working hours and stick to them. Schedule in full days off, and make them non-negotiable. No submissive and no amount of money is worth your well being, and when you have a schedule, your submissives will learn to work around you.

I know this can be difficult, especially when you see established Dommes doing everything all the time making it look easy. But here is a secret... many established Dommes have hired help. I personally have 3 different people I pay to help me run my business, and once you are making enough money I strongly recommend you do the same. Until then, do what you can and focus on building your brand, and do not compare yourself to those who are 5, 10 or 20 years down the line. You'll get there eventually, as long as you balance your hard work with scheduled self care.

Good Luck!

I very much hope that any new Dommes reading this feel both informed and inspired going forward. Remember that this work allows for all different styles of Domination and all different ways of working, and it'll take a while to find your groove. Until then, stay sharp and have fun exploring and experimenting as you build your own Fempire 🙂

Until next time,

Manchester Mistress Dominatrix BDSM Ashton Under Lyne Playspace Chambers Dungeon Fetish FemDom Kinky - 484
Manchester Mistress Expert Dominatrix Lola Ruin

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Vulnerability…

Vulnerability...

By MistressLolaRuin | April 26, 2022

Manchester Mistress Dominatrix - A Domme at work

When I first slipped on a pair of thigh highs over a decade ago, I learned that the men who came to see Me wanted a strong, powerful Woman. They wanted to place you on a pedestal, and use you like a blank screen they could project their fantasies onto. In order to be a successful Domme, you should curate every little glimpse they see to reflect that ideal. Under no circumstances, should you show any weakness or vulnerability.

For a long time, I believed that would be the only possible fantasy men could buy into, and I had to keep up with those smoke and mirrors.

As time went on and I became to question this ‘Dominant Ideal’ more and more. I wondered whether that was something I even bought into Myself. Not only was I the Dominant, but this was My career… could I make My own rules, and still pay My rent?

‘A successful Domme is the picture perfect image of success at all times.
Steely, traditional, hardcore and relentless…’

As a feminist, I also felt conflicted about being a sex worker… I was actively contributing to a highly sexualised view of women, and I grew more and more uneasy about that.

For a long time, I mulled over whether there was a way to humanise Myself more, but still keep those sessions coming to pay My bills. I wanted My followers to see Me and other sex workers as a whole humans, with lives and personalities which are complex and varied.

My work itself also evolved, and I realised how much emotional labour it really involved. Many slaves who came to see Me were not looking for a quick spanking and an orgasm in the corner. They wanted something more than that. They wanted a space which felt safe and intimate and freeing. With that in mind, approaching My work completely void of any real emotion felt fairly disingenuous.

BDSM should first and foremost be about trust and connection.
Once you have that, it paves the way for those therapeutic, cathartic experiences...

I slowly gained more confidence in Myself, and I began to show a little more personality. Little by little, I (willingly) let the façade slip. I began to write more personal blog posts, and spoke more openly about things I feel are important both in and outside BDSM.

When I did that, a funny thing happened. The more personal My blog posts were, the more popular they became. The more vulnerability I showed, the more that seemed to resonate with people. Prospective slaves began to seek Me out as a result of the thoughts and writings I had began to share. As I began to become more authentic and vulnerable in My work, that seemed to really strike a chord with My submissives.

Showing vulnerability as a Dominatrix can feel daunting,
when there is such pressure to be the perfect, Dominant ideal of men's fantasies...

The calibre of slaves who now approached Me dramatically improved. The more openly I talk about Myself, the more respectful and adoring My slaves became. I received less insulting comments or timewasters. I imagine they had begun to see Me as a whole, real person, and not as the perfect, latex clad, whip wielding indestructible Domme.

I talked openly about the importance of consent, relationship styles and mental health. As I did, I suddenly found My submissives were becoming not only more compatible with Me, but that they were opening up to Me more and more. They confined not only their innermost fantasies, but their own struggles. Many of them told Me they had never confined that in anyone else before. I am no therapist, but I think we can all agree from experience that sometimes just being able to speak aloud about your problems can be healing.

There is strength in being so open with another person, regardless of whether it’s a paid encounter or not. Feeling able to be vulnerable, in My experience, is far more often empowering than it isn’t. Beyond that, it fosters a sense of real trust. Even if a slave and I have never met before, they already feel a level of connection to Me because My writings have resonated with them.

As soon as I began to shake off the myth of the Unshakeable, World-Class Dominatrix,
My work became far more meaningful and real, for both Myself and My submissives...

I’m not a therapist, but I believe to the ground that a connection like D/s can be highly therapeutic for all involved. I love giving that space to My submissives, and developing a real sense of connection and trust with them. In fact, it’s probably what I love most about My work.

If I could give a single piece of advice to any apprising Dominant, it would be to be authentic to yourself, and not to an ideal which by definition is impossible to obtain. Speak freely about what matters to you, be strong enough to show vulnerability, and you’ll find that attracts the slaves you’ll love to play with…

“What happens when people open their hearts?"
"They get better.”
― Haruki Murakami

Until next time...

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Tameside Sex Dungeon Dominatrix Playspace Manchester

Tameside Sex Dungeon Dominatrix Playspace Manchester

By MistressLolaRuin June 16, 2020

I spent many years working in shared Dungeon premises, but opening my own personal playspace was a dream for a long time. To have the freedom to create premises which reflected my own taste and was constructed especially for my own slaves... Finally, that dream became a reality in 2017.

Just a few minutes walk from Ashton Under Lyne centre, my personal playspace is a portal into another world... a gorgeous and bespoke space created entirely to serve as the setting for your deepest and darkest fantasies.

A conversion of an industrial unit, the white brick are adorned with candles and coloured lights, allowing to change the ambience to suit even the most demanding scenes. Filled with heavy steel and black leather furniture, and packed to the brim with every piece of kinky equipment imaginable (more on that below), here your expectations will be exceeded. The walls are embellished with two of my favourite Artists, the delightfully erotic Carolyn Weltman and the incomparable Sardax. Of course, a loud sound system will both fill the room with whatever music I deem best for your scene, and will help to drown out your squeals.

Manchester Mistress Dominatrix BDSM Ashton Under Lyne Playspace Chambers Dungeon Fetish FemDom Kinky - 630

Dominatrix Submission - Slave Application

Every last detail of my dungeon has been meticulously curated with my submissives pain and pleasure in mind... begin your deliciously deep experince and Apply Today to join me in my exlusive playspace.

My chambers are incredibly well served by all Manchester transport links, with the Railway Station, Bus Station and Metrolink all only a 5 minute walk away, and just short 15 minute journey from Manchester city centre. For submissives who drive, my playspace is surrounded by ample free parking in an industrial area. You will enter my realm through a door tucked away in a private courtyard... keeping the most timid amongst you safe in the knowledge there will be no nosey curtain twitching neighbours clocking you entering or leaving my playspace.

Of course, most exciting of all in my playspace is the equipment!

Manchester Mistress Dominatrix BDSM Ashton Under Lyne Playspace Chambers Dungeon Fetish FemDom Kinky - 626

My playroom is packed to the brim with every piece of kinky kit you could dream of. Alongside the standard heavier furniture such as bondage bed, A Frame, Cage an so on, I have all the smaller implements you crave... whips, gags and clamps galore! A more extensive list of my equipment can be found here, but for now, allow me to give you a deeper introduction to 3 of my favourite toys...

Venus Milking Machine
This is my absolute favourite toy bar none. With variable settings and recievers to get exactly the right fit for your milking, the sensation can range from achingly slow to making you cum within seconds! Just imagine me being able to control your pleasure and frustration with a turn of the dial...

F-Machine Gigolo Fucking Machine
One of the top rated machines available, the Gigolo is totally customisable to suit everyone, from the nervous beginner to the experienced strap on sluts! Perhaps we can introduce you with a sensual start before cranking it up to it's impressive top speeds... Best of all, an adaptor means I can use ANY of my extensive dildo collection, and the remote control allows me to subject you to even more forms of torment whilst this Fuck Machine works its magic...

MasterMindCrafts Smother Box
For the facesitting aficinados amongst you, this can smother you like never before. Head clamps allow me to lock you exactly into place, and an inflatable pillow means I can pump you up to exactly the right height to be totally at my mercy, buried between my cheeks...

Manchester Mistress Dominatrix BDSM Ashton Under Lyne Playspace Chambers Dungeon Fetish FemDom Kinky - 627

Alongside my dedicated playroom, my premises also boast...

A Large, 'Art Deco' Reception Room
The perfect space for those of you seeking either a more 'domestic' or homely setting for your fantasies, this is also the perfect place to wind down with a cup of coffee after our play time. This room is home to a large sofa adorned with velvet cushions, candles, mood lighting and a widescreen TV.

A Small Bathroom
With toilet and a shower, plus an abundance of freshly laundered towels and all the toiletries you could possibly want, such as shampoo, condition, shower gel, toothpaste and brushes, deoderant and mouthwash.

A Kitchenette
Always stocked with a selection of different coffees, teas, small snacks and juices, along with kettle, toaster, fridge, freezer. Perfect for my extended experiences!

Manchester Mistress : Dominatrix Lola Ruin

Manchester Mistress : Dominatrix Lola Ruin...

By MistressLolaRuin Mar 9, 2020

For those searching for a Manchester Mistress, there is no better Dominatrix than Mistress Lola Ruin. She is truly a world class Domina, who revels in teasing and tormenting her slaves. A femme fatale who is educated, glamorous and feminine. If you crave to be trained under the guise of a sophisticated woman, then your journey can begin right here...

Dominatrix Domme - Ashton Under Lyne Tameside

Where do we begin? Lola Ruin first began her journey as a Domme almost a decade ago, just a year after graduating from a Psychology University degree, with a focus on feminism and human sexuality... the perfect education for a Dominatrix! She was soon taking her first training sessions at the infamous Manchester Dungeon in Bury. Here she was under the guidance of some of the best Manchester Mistresses, many of whom still session today.

Since then, Lola Ruin has cultivated a wealth of kinky experience and expertise. After 9 years full time as a Professional Dominatrix, she is a master at getting into the minds of her slaves.

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Manchester Dungeon Playspace - Personal Chambers

After 7 years renting a dungeon room in shared chambers, Domina Lola decided to pour all her passions into her own personal playspace two years ago. Since then, she has curated her space into the most incredible, atmospheric dungeon, the perfect setting to help you float away in submissive bliss... Her sessions are often described as cathartic, transcendental and above all else, fun!

Her Tameside dungeon is easily accessible by both car and public transport. Only a 5 minute walk from the local train station, metrolink tram stop and bus station. There will be no last minute parking panic for those who drive to see her, as her chambers are surrounded with an abundance of free parking.

Bespoke Equipment in a Discreet Location - Sole Ownership

As well as being a reflection of her own personal taste and decor, a personal playspace allows Lola Ruin complete freedom over her sessions. Mistress Lola is the only one who uses any of the equipment. As a result, there is a high standard of cleanliness and hygiene. A private dungeon allows a level of discretion unmatched by shared chambers. As one of the only Manchester Mistresses to boast their own private playroom, this is a testament to her professionalism and success.

Manchester Mistress Dominatrix BDSM Ashton Under Lyne Playspace Chambers Dungeon Fetish FemDom Kinky - 630

Dominatrix Philosophy - Healing power of BEDM

Unlike many Dominatrices, Lola Ruin does not enjoy cruelly beating her slaves into submission. Rather, she prefers to lull you into a false sense of security. To seduce you into revealing your fantasies to her. She will train you to the utmost standards, whilst tormenting you mercilessly along the way. Above all, Manchester Mistress Lola believe in the healing power of BDSM. Ultimately, she wants her slaves to feel transformed by their time serving under her tutelage. A short browse over her testimonials will demonstrate that she cares deeply about her submissives.

Domination - A Sensual Domme in Orgasm Control

Although Lola Ruin loves to enjoy in a plethora of kinky activities, her forte is Sensual Domination. Lola Ruin offers the best orgasm control sessions, ruined orgasms and extended milking experiences. If you are looking for a sensual Dominatrix in Manchester, Mistress Lola Ruin is the best Domme to serve.

To Toy and Torment Exploiting Your Weaknesses

Lola Ruin is a devilishly kinky Domme with almost a decade of both technical and psychological experience under her belt. She is truly one of the very best Mistresses in Manchester. She will toy with you and tease you, she will torment you to her hearts content, and she will use your arousal as a weakness to exploit for her own pleasure.

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London Sessions and UK Nationwide Travel

Although predominantly a Manchester Mistress, Lola Ruin also takes regular tours to London. Here she undertakes all manner of kinky play in a private, excellently equipped dungeon in Central London. Mistress Lola will also consider outcall requests to anywhere in Manchester, or further afield in the UK. For the most generous admirers, she will even consider international travel.

Fetish Filming and Films For Sale

Alongside sessions, Mistress Lola Ruin loves to film fetish content! Having previously visited The English Mansion many times, they host some incredible content including Virtual Reality experiences! Her own content is also available for sales on Clips4Sale, IWantClips and OnlyFans, for those too timid to serve her at her Manchester Dungeon.

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Locked Up for Lola Ruin – Part 4…

Locked Up for Lola Ruin - Part 4...

By MistressLolaRuin May 10, 2019

Manchester Dominatrix Mistress Lola Ruin loves to sensually Dominate her subs, and especially to control their pleasure... learn more about a Chastity slaves experience under her expert lock and key!

Chastity Diary
Day 14

It’s getting towards evening on New Year’s Eve. I’m spending it quietly, and I’ve used it as an opportunity to spend almost the whole day walking around in just my chastity cage. It’s not only more comfortable that way, it also helps to remind me of the state I’ll be in during my session with Mistress Lola (although I haven’t been crawling around on the floor to complete the picture).

There are only three days left before O/our session and apart from dwelling on the frustration of having been denied an orgasm for so long I can also start wondering whether Mistress Lola will allow me to have one, and what price (probably measured in can strokes!) I will have to pay for it. Right now it feels like She wouldn’t even have to remove the cage to provoke me into having a ruined orgasm…

Chastity Diary
Day 15

Having stayed awake to see in the new year last night, and having woken up at more or less a normal time this morning, only a few hours seemed to have passed from watching Mistress Lola’s video when settling into bed to watching it again before getting up. It’s been an easy routine to get used to. Maybe I’m just feeling quite compliant; I’m certainly feeling very attentive.

Chastity Diary
Day 16

I’ve just spent the day thinking about my session with Mistress Lola constantly. I actually watched more than my mandated three video clips today (and I still haven’t watched the clip for this evening!). I still have the compulsion to seek out that sort of stimulation even though I know I cannot do much with the energy it fosters. I suppose that’s the emotional paradox at the centre of chastity training: having to constrain a desire that it becomes harder and harder to ignore over time.

As much as I think I’m possessed of a good store of willpower under most circumstances, I think one thing has become clear to me over the last couple of weeks or so: without being locked in this cage I’m not sure I would have coped with the demands of the experience. I hardly notice it now, and I imagine (I know) it will feel a little strange not to wear it.

Chastity Diary
Day 17

I’m writing this very late in the day on my last day locked in chastity before I see Mistress Lola. I didn’t sleep too well last night, waking up early (again!) thinking about the session and wondering what Mistress Lola has in store for me. All I know for sure is that I will start the session where I belong, worshipping Her feet. Having in the past been let out of chastity during a session only to be locked up again after it, I can’t know for sure whether Mistress Lola will unlock me, whether She will allow me an orgasm, or anything else.

I can’t express how much I love being under Her control, though, whatever She intends to do to me tomorrow, and that feels like an appropriate sentiment on which to leave this diary entry: the best, most definitive part about being locked in chastity is giving up control to the Mistress I adore.

To be continued...

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Diary of a Chastity Slave
Locked Up for Lola Ruin - Part 1
Locked Up for Lola Ruin - Part 2
Locked Up for Lola Ruin - Part 3