My submissive experience…

My submissive experience...

By MistressLolaRuin July 11, 2017

As a little backstory to this blog, those of you who follow Me on twitter will have seen I have recently been the subject of harassment. I use recently as a loose term, as this person in question has been hounding Me for well over a year. He has contacted Me through My website, My niteflirt account, My email, and now Twitter. He has also tried to canvass over Dommes and even My submissives. The backstory is that I was briefly in discussion with him regarding a custom clip he wanted, with Me starring as a submissive. I turned him down, as what he wanted was well beyond My comfort limits. It has, however, inspired Me to write this. I thought you loyal readers may find it interesting to hear of My limited experience in your shoes.

Fresh faced, slightly intoxicated, and rocking some steampunk ropework...

I have never been a natural submissive. When I first discovered BDSM with My ex-partner in My early 20's, he identified solely as submissive, and this suited Me perfectly. It allowed Me to really explore and develop My style as a Domme (which has continued to evolve throughout My career). One night, being the adventurous couple W/we were, we decided to attempt switching. He put My legs in a binder, tied My hands up and behind My head and slipped a blindfold on Me. 30 seconds later, if that, I safeworded. An overwhelming sense of claustrophobia struck Me. We didn't ever try switching again.

My ex-partner and I parted ways a few years after that, and I began to explore My sexuality as a single person. I decided that I would try to avoid dating anyone who identified solely as submissive. Topping at both work and at home was burning Me out. As you can imagine though, when you are so open about being a Dominatrix, attracting partners who aren't submissive can be somewhat difficult 🙂

I thought that perhaps I would try submission again, now a few years after My last attempt. I find shibari both artistic and relaxing, so I've quite enjoyed being tied up a few times. During My trip to Thailand last year I took part in a 6 hour long, meditative shibari session. Although good experiences, these were really lacking of any D/s dynamic.

I also dabbled with a couple of casual partners who indulged My desire to try subbing. I've probably tried it four or five times total. To be completely honest, I spent most occasions (silently) critiquing technique and comparing it to what I would do...! Sadly, it is difficult not to when you are submitting to someone much less experienced at Topping than you are.

My first attempt at suspension.

My desire to have a more successful, enjoyable attempt grew. You'll often hear people categorise the submissives of Pro-Dommes as powerful, Type-A, business types, looking for release from their high pressure lives (although I'm of the opinion that the high tributes Us Dommes demand may well make that a biased sample!). My work was becoming more demanding each year. More and more men were submitting to My every whim and paying Me for the privilege. Psychologically, the idea of giving up control to someone else was becoming more and more attractive, as it was in stark contrast to the rest of My life. Like My type-A subs, I started to see such an experience as 'freeing'.

Then last year I had a potential submissive contact Me asking for a 'switch' session, whereby I would sub to him for the first half, before getting My own back as a Top the second half. The activities he wanted to explore with Me as a submissive were all fairly soft and within My limits, so I agreed. It sounded like a fun session.

A little snap of My marks after My switch session...

Afterwards, I received an email from the same person, saying that he felt much more naturally Dom than he anticipated, and would I consider doing a purely submissive session. As I had already seen him in a switch capacity, and knew his style of Topping suited Me, I said yes. The prospect of exploring submission excited Me. We embarked on a lengthy email conversation, discussing each and every possible activity. I had to think long and hard about what I was willing to do, what I was willing to try, and what I absolutely would not do under any circumstances. His interests aligned perfectly with My limits, and I agreed to 'tutor' him in certain activities so he would know how to do it safely.

We embarked on a series of sessions with Me as the submissive. I was spanked and whipped. Given homework and cleaning tasks. I had hot wax poured over Me, and cold glasses of water thrown over Me. Bound with rope, I tried 'predicament bondage'. I took the cane. My sessions as a submissive explored lots of other things too, but I won't go into too much detail here out of respect and discretion for My Dom. Plus, I'd like to leave your imaginations running a little 😉

Some of the shibari I did in Thailand...

I found a new understanding of what it was like to submit to someone without there being a more sexual aspect to it. It was an interesting experience, being paid to partake in a non-sexual, purely D/s relationship. There were times where I felt this wonderful urge to be good submissive and please My Dominant. There were also times where I found submitting very difficult. I felt somewhat conflicted about accepting payment for something which, at certain points, I did not enjoy. It seemed very much against My work ethos.

Our sessions eventually came to a mutual end. During O/our last session, I felt as though a boundary was crossed (albeit in a minor way). I safeworded, W/we discussed it, and he apologised profusely. Even so, this dampened My trust in My Top. Along with occasionally feeling conflicted about O/our sessions, after that incident I decided that I would likely turn down a future session if He asked for one, but he didn't book in again after that anyway. I think by that point W/we had both gotten all that W/we could from O/our sessions together.

I never advertised that I was doing submissive sessions, and I still don't. To Me, O/our dynamic felt like a one-off. We had spent so much time negotiating limits and that had built up a certain amount of trust between U/us. I also quite firmly believe that My low pain threshold generally makes Me an unsuitable professional submissive. Obviously submissives charge even more than Dominatrixes. I felt like the majority of those looking for a professional submissive would likely want to explore much harder activities than I am comfortable with.

Do I feel as though My few experiences as a submissive has made Me a better Top? Honestly... not really. I gained a little more understanding of Myself, and I gained a little bit of insight into what it is like for My submissives to visit Me, but I don't believe you need to have been a submissive to be a good Domme. To My mind, what makes a great Domme more than experience as a submissive is empathy. When I am caning a submissive, I am doing so whilst reading their body language, checking in verbally if needed, imagining how it feels for them (and obviously enjoying Myself!). I rarely think back to when I took it Myself.

Being on the receiving end of the cane did not teach Me how to administer a caning either empathetically OR safely. Years of practise fuelled by enjoyment did.

Probably the most public display of submission you will ever see from Me... at the Spankathon Porn Protest in 2015

With regards to subbing in the future, I would still like to find someone I could explore submitting with on a personal, perhaps more sexual level. I'm adventurous, and I like experimenting. But, I imagine they would have to be pretty special for it to work judging by all My past experiences... I continue to be a very fussy submissive 🙂

Until next time…

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My Love of Latex…

My Love of Latex...

By MistressLolaRuin | September 27, 2016

It's obvious from My galleries and tweets just how much I love latex clothing. My collection is constantly growing, and when I bought a new double wardrobe a couple of months ago, one half of it was immediately assigned to holding all of My rubber. It is already overflowing.

Image of Professional Dominatrix Manchester Mistress Lola Ruin in Latex Rubber

My first latex catsuit...


Today, I thought I would give you a closer look at one of My favourite fetishes, explaining in more detail what it is about latex that I personally find so erotic.

Image of Professional Dominatrix Manchester Mistress Lola Ruin in Latex Rubber

Corsetted Latex Dress from House of Harlot


Firstly, I adore the way that latex looks. The ultra glossy finish, and super tight fit which seems to accentuate every curve whilst pulling Me in in all the right places. This is even more obvious when I pour Myself in My favourite piece, My corsetted catsuit from House of Harlot. Gifted to Me by a wonderfully generous slave, whom loves latex almost as much as I do...

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My Favourite Piece... quite the accolade!


I also love the way that latex feels. I immediately feel sexier, more dominant, more 'fetishistic'. Simply the feeling of a tight second skin around Me is so erotic. How sensual it feels, both restrictive and slippy when I have lubed up to get into it. How warm it is been wearing it for hours and have built up a sweat inside. I recently had a bath whilst wearing the catsuit pictured above, and this was a whole new sensation. A dip into a swimming pool whilst head to toe in rubber is near the top of My bucket list as a result...

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Latest Purchase. An early birthday present to Myself from Westward Bound


I know some people don't like the smell of latex... I am not one of those people. Having said that, this is an aspect of My 'fetish' which has grown alongside with My collection. A by product of My love of latex which I now love in it's own right. I once walked into a latex shop during a heatwave, and that rubber smell was so overpowering... Gorgeous.

Image of Professional Dominatrix Manchester Mistress Lola Ruin in Latex Rubber

Military Latex Dress...


As with many BDSM activities or fetishes, I also love the 'ritual' of it. Caring for it. Washing it in vivishine, polishing it with Pjur Cult. Talcing it and storing it. It is one of the few 'chores' I actually enjoy doing. And of course, dressing in it is a ritual in itself. Taking My time to coat Myself in a thin layer of lube. Sliding, working, pouring My way into it.

Image of Professional Dominatrix Manchester Mistress Lola Ruin's Latex Rubber Collection

Laundry Day...


I love how latex is now seen as a little more fashionable/mainstream, thanks to the likes of Kim K, Katy Perry, Gaga and so on. I can wear it out in a vanilla setting without much fuss, and I tend to only get compliments on it. Occasionally, I like to give My vanilla life just a touch of fetish like this. In a way, it's one of the things I love most about BDSM. How it can so easily be subtle in public. Although I admit, going to the bathroom in a club is a pain, it is worth it. I have always loved to play dress up anyway.

Image of Professional Dominatrix Manchester Mistress Lola Ruin in Latex Rubber

In the dressing room of a high street clothes shop. Latex has gone mainstream it seems...


To say I am a heavy rubberist would likely be a step too far. I don't need to be dressed head to toe in latex to get Me off sexually. But in the same way I adore a gorgeous pair of patent shoes that accentuates My high arches, or a well boned corset that laces My waist down to a tiny size, I love latex and the transformative power of it.

Until next time…

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Ask Me Anything Q&A…

Ask Me Anything Q&A...

By MistressLolaRuin September 13, 2016

Today's blog is a Q&A, with questions submitted by My twitter followers.

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A Twitter Q&A Session

 At what age did you realise your calling to dominate the weak male, and how?
I think I have always had a Dominant side, and was always told as a little girl that I was too bossy. Pretty much as soon as I became interested in sex I also became interested in kink (foot fetishism in particular fascinated Me, and was very much a 'gateway fetish'...). I then began a relationship with a wonderful guy who identified as sub, and this was My first real introduction to more traditional D/s. Although we have since parted ways, I remained Domme 🙂
How long have you been hooping?
I've been hooping for about a year. I have a lot to learn still and sadly not quite as much time to practice anymore. I'd love to learn acro/acroyoga, contact juggling too!

Image of Professional Dominatrix Manchester Mistress Lola Ruin Hula Hooping

Thailand Beach Makes for the Perfect Hooping Backdrop


How many dommes do you think are into it only for the money, as opposed to at least partly for genuine enthusiasm for BDSM?
I think it would be incredibly hard to really do well at this job, and therefore earn a lot of money, unless you have a genuine interest and understanding of BDSM. Having said that, I have met a fair few Dommes who do not identify as lifestyle players. They are still amazing Dommes. On a slight tangent, I can understand why to our slaves our enjoyment/a genuine interest in BDSM is important, but in general the empowerment rhetoric around sex work really irks Me. Everyone who charges money for what they are doing are doing it for the money. A genuine enjoyment or passion for that is a bonus, in any line of work.
Do you do medical sessions do you like and have any nurse uniforms?
Of course I love to cater for medical fetishes. It ties in so well to so many of My favourite fetishes, ruined orgasm being the most obvious one. I have a couple of nurses uniforms but I am currently looking to upgrade to a new one (very light blue, vintage style latex uniform). No doubt I will post some pictures once it has arrived...

Image of Professional Dominatrix Manchester Mistress Lola Ruin Nurse

New Nurses Uniform Coming Soon...

What's your favourite aspect when you administer a feminization/sissification session?
I love the process of feminisation, not just in the physical sense but also in the mental sense. As they take on the more feminine clothes, they also take a more feminine role. I love to work out what 'kind' of sissy they are... slutty, girly, shy, confident... This feminine persona can differ so drastically from both their 'vanilla' persona and 'male sub' persona. That particular aspect of transformation is fascinating to Me.
Have you done edging shoejobs with your heel soles rubbing it close to exploding but not allowing relief/rubbed a cock with heels soles and as he is about to cum you step hard on cock with heels stoping it/rubbed a cock with heel soles then as he cums you kick his balls with heels giving painful gasm?
Yes I have done all of those things. I am not going to elaborate here. If you want some wanking material, My Clips4Sale Store has plenty 😉 Here are some previews of some of My latest and upcoming clips... 





 


Ur most important trait in subs and Y: finance, obedience, humor, appearance(include sexiness), openness, or endurance?

Obedience and Openess would likely be the most important to Me. In order to session with Me, a sub must naturally possess both of these qualities. Finance is important insofar as they need to be able to pay for the time they spend with Me. Spoiling Me or showering Me with gifts, although lovely, is never mandatory and so that aspect isn't important. As O/our relationship develops, I would expect their endurance levels to also increase. Appearance does not matter to Me in the slightest when it comes to sessioning slaves (but a piece of submissive eye candy is always a bonus!) 
I didn't get a chance to answer all of the questions I was sent, so I will likely repeat a Q&A in the future. 
Follow Me if you want to get involved next time... @LolaRuin
Until next time…

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Behind the scenes…

Behind the scenes...

By MistressLolaRuin August 26, 2016

Today I thought I would take you 'behind the scenes' of both My work and play.

Late last week I travelled down to the infamous English Mansion after being invited to a FemDom Garden party, hosted by the wonderful Mistress Sidonia. Also attended by Mistress Evilyne and Mistress Annalieza, We were served and entertained by 5 very lucky subbies (or perhaps you would class them as unlucky considering how cruel all Us ladies are...?)

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With the fabulously wicked Mistress Evilyne and Mistress Annalieza...

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Before the Garden Party was in full swing, with sub sophie

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With Mistress Sidonia, Mistress Evilyne, sub sophie and Mistress Annalieza...

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The Aftermath...


Of course, all of Our antics were captured on video (along with other scenes I filmed whilst there), and will be available on The English Mansion Website soon...

 

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After the garden party I stayed over at the Mansion, then early the next morning rushed off to meet up with My sister at a small yoga festival close by. Outside of Domming I have many vanilla interests of which yoga comes pretty near the top of the list, perhaps this will be a surprise to those of you who think I live in latex and thigh boots!

 

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En route to a rainy festival... PVC perverts rejoice!

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My first class of the festival... can you spot Me?

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Body painting yoga anatomy class...

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Final day of the festival, soothing aching muscles in a hot tub with My sister...


After a night pampering Myself in a hotel, I finally made the long journey back up North to Manchester. Naturally, My slaves there were patiently waiting for My return.

It seems I am very much living by a 'work hard, play hard' motto right now. Not only do I adore My work, I also adore how it allows Me the luxury of being able to take time off to pursue other pleasures.

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One final piece of eye candy, snapped between scenes at The English Mansion...


My downtime is very precious to Me. Being a Domme can be very psychologically draining, especially so when you are also lifestyle like Myself. During very busy periods I have previously been close to burning out, and so I make of point of both limiting the amount of sessions I take per day as well as really 'unplugging' when I take time off. I feel fully focused and present during My time with slaves when I have quality downtime, but it also makes Me feel happier and healthier overall. 

I feel very lucky to have such a great balance in My life. Thank you to all My slaves, submissives and fans for contributing to that 🙂

Until next time…

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An Anniversary…

An Anniversary...

By MistressLolaRuin May 9, 2016

I just realised this past weekend that I passed a milestone in My career as a Professional Dominatrix… the anniversary of when I first started working at My very first Dungeon. It seems fitting to write a blog to reflect and celebrate 🙂

The first photo of Me to ever appear online, a candid shot from before I became a PD. Some things (like My addiction to rubber) never change...
The first photo of Me to ever appear online, a candid shot from before I became a PD. Some things (like My addiction to rubber) never change...

I adore what I do for a living, and I think the past year in particular I have fallen in love with it all over again. Before I became a Domme, I worked an awful minimum wage call centre job, which was the only job I could get after graduating into a recession. The anti-sex work brigade always cite ‘economic coercion’ as a major reason why people enter the adult industry (personally I'm pretty sure anyone who has a job is economically coerced into it...), and whilst it was true that it was certainly the best career choice available to Me financially, it was also the most fun, exciting, interesting, stimulating, flexible… I could go on and on. Even now years later, when I could conceivably find another profession much more easily than I could as a recent graduate, I wouldn't want to.
 

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A shot from My first professional photoshoot. I hadn't started showing My face yet.

Don’t get Me wrong, there have been a few lows… when long serving, loyal slaves have moved on or been dismissed, when the government brings out legislation without consultation or warning that seriously impacts you, and when the slew of time-wasters that all Us Dommes have to put up with have outnumbered the sessions. When the work just isn’t there it can be pretty disheartening, and when you are in a sense selling yourself, it’s hard not to take those quiet spells personally. Not to mention the social stigma that can be attached to working in the adult industry... How that affects what friends/families/strangers/society think of you, how dating can be a minefield, how it can affect your future career choices and all the associated issues people working in My industry face (and on which I could write a dissertation about...)
 

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A snapshot from one of My very first clips when I started regularly filming for My C4S Store

But… the highs by far outnumber those lows, and the truth is that I LOVE My job. It has allowed Me to do so many incredible things, and I have ticked off some amazing goals I had, both professional and personal. I've travelled and toured internationally. I opened My clip store and consequently filmed for the amazing English Mansion, whom were so lovely to Me. I’ve met so many interesting and inspiring people professionally (both Dommes and subs) and personally I’ve slowly surrounded Myself with the most incredible group of friends whom accept what I do and are proud of Me for doing it. I’ve supported and cared for family members through tough times, which I absolutely would not have been able to do in any other job. I’ve been bought wonderful gifts by wonderfully generous slaves. It has allowed Me to be incredibly independent, and given Me financial freedom. I have become more confident, happy, self-assured...
And of course, I have had a ridiculous amount of kinky fun!
 

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A snapshot from when I filmed for the fabulous English Mansion last year... go check out all their amazing content here!

I also think that what I do is important, in it’s own way... I am sure a fair few of My subs agree with that sentiment. I have blogged before about how therapeutic I think BDSM can be, and I still very much believe that to be true. I love the idea that I create a safe space where My subs can relinquish control and explore aspects of their sexuality they otherwise wouldn't be able to. Doing that gives Me a real sense of fulfilment, which I am not sure another job could offer Me.
 

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One of the most recent photos of Me, a quick snap between sessions a few weeks ago...

So to all My slaves, subs, clips fans, and of course all you loyal blog readers, thank you for your continued support. It means a lot 🙂
 
Choose a job you love, and never work a day in your life…
 
Until next time…

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