Far and away, ruined orgasm is both My favourite way to torment, and what I am most famous for. Let this blog serve as an introduction to the ruining virgins amongst you loyal blog readers...
What is a ruined orgasm?
A ruined orgasm is achieved by taking away all stimulation at the ‘crucial moment’ of release. If done right, your orgasm will just trickle out. Whilst usually not painful physically, this is psychologically very tormenting. The usual pleasure you would receive from an orgasm is entirely missing. In fact, ruined orgasms tend to frustrate My submissives even more so. You can imagine how delighted this makes Me!
Why do you love ruining orgasms so much?
There are numerous reasons why I find ruined orgasms so much fun to explore during My sessions. As a brief outline…
As a form of control and denial
Ruined orgasms are fairly tormenting, in the same way that chastity and edging are. It is serves to show you that your cock belongs to Me. That you will only receive pleasure when I decide so. Ruined orgasms are a teasing reminder of the control and power I have over you.
Having a ruined orgasm is frustrating
I often find My slaves far more obedient when their orgasm hangs in the balance. Frustrated slaves tend to make better slaves, and there is nothing more frustrating than ruining your orgasm.
Having a ruined orgasm is a mind fuck
To see yourself orgasm, but feel no release at all, is quite the mind fuck. To watch your cum slowly seep out of your cock as it twitches for the attention it so badly wants. Nothing brings Me more enjoyment than the look of turmoil on a slaves face as he watches his ruining trickle out of him.
My Venus 2000 Milking Machine
Ruined orgasm sessions are the perfect occasion for Me to play with My Venus 2000 machine. Far and away My favourite bit of kit, it allows Me to milk you dry with the turn of a dial.
My Venus is even for slaves who have trouble keeping an erection. My milking machine will no doubt drag a ruining out of you, regardless of that!
The cruel element of surprise
Unlike other forms of torment, ruined orgasms need no preparation. Although I like to play with My Venus 2000, I don’t need to in order to ruin you.
And so, I have the freedom to choose whether to ruin you or not right up to the very last second.
How very cruel to allow you to think you would earn a release, only to let go at the critical moment…
Ruined Orgasm Sessions
Ruined orgasms can be included in almost any kind of play or scenario. I find it goes very well with other forms of orgasm control or sensual domination. These kind of scenes include all My favourite ways to play.
Edging, chastity control, tease and denial, ‘milking’ scenes and cuckolding all play perfectly into the fetish of ruined orgasms.
As a bonus, having a ruined orgasm doesn't mean you can't then also be rewarded with a full orgasm (or indeed, punished with further ruinings!). Ruining is the secret key to unlocking multiple male orgasms. If that isn't enough to convince you to try Ruined Orgasm, then I am not sure what else will...
Foot worship is probably the most common fetish. Especially so for Me, as it seems the foot fetishists particularly like tiny little size 2 feet.
Almost every slave who crawls through My dungeon door spends some of his time at My feet. Some will only give each one a small peck to each as a 'Hello', as My protocol dictates. Others may spend hours smothered underneath them.
Regardless, I believe that every serious slave learn how to properly worship the feet of his Dominant. It's a skill which will serve you well in serving Me.
It's no surprise so many people love to worship feet. Even less of a surprise that others love to receive foot worship. The 'somatosenory cortex' of the brain maps out your nerves, with a little section devoted to each body part, and their size relative to how sensitive that body part is. Sometimes, these sections overlap. Look at the right hand side of this image... Notice how in the image above, feet and genitals are right next to each other, overlapping? The science of kink!
I'll let you in on a little secret which may encourage you to improve your 'podolingus'... when a slave is good at worshipping feet, it generally bodes well for what else he may be good at worshipping.
I bet your mind has already wandered, thinking about what you can't have. You can forget it... no amount of toe sucking will elevate you to the role of My sex slave. But now you know, isn't that the thought you want running through My head? That as your tongue runs along My arch, I'm silently making a bet with Myself that you would be great at going down on women? Of course you do. And I promise you, I am not the only Domme who thinks that.
So, before I bestow upon you My top tips for foot worship, let's delve into what you should steer clear of.
I am rolling My eyes that I even have to say this, but it's true. At no point, ever, do I want to feel your teeth on My feet. I don't care if you manage to cram all 10 of My perfect little toes into your mouth... you better open that jaw wide. Think back to a time when a woman may have used her teeth on your dick. Unless you're a CBT masochist you probably squirmed like crazy, because teeth feel awful. Same goes for My feet. Don't. Do. It.
Unlike blowjobs, copious amounts of saliva is not hot. I want you to worship respectfully, and that means not drenching Me in your slobber. Of course, a dry mouth is no fun, so you're gonna have to use your brain to figure out the middle ground (good luck!).
Make your face soft before burying it in My arches. Coarse stubble is at best tickly, at worst scratchy and always distracting.
Those are My own three biggest bugbears when it comes to sloppy foot worship. Now, onto how you can improve...
I drew the comparison between foot worship and pussy eating earlier for good reason... Most men know that diving straight into aggressive cunnilingus is not the best way to please a woman. You want to ease into it, and foot worship is no different. What do you imagine might feel best... someone who immediately crams My entire foot in his mouth, OR someone who traces every curve of them with kisses... then his tongue... then sucks on each of My toes...
See the difference?
Don't let your mouth do all the work. I for one love when My slave also massages My feet whilst worshipping. Always be gentle. Never tug My feet towards you. Remember you are here to please Me, and utilising all you have to do that (including both your mouth and hands) is best!
Don't let My other foot get jealous. You have one mouth, and two hands, and so there's plenty to make sure each of My feet are kept happy. Switch between the two regularly. Plant kisses all over one foot, then repeat on the other. I like symmetry 🙂
Pay attention to each of My toes
Usually slaves are good at this, however it bears repeating. Just as I have 2 feet, I also have 10 toes! Be sure to give every little piggy the attention it rightly deserves. Also, don't neglect that space between them. I love to feel a willing slaves tongue exploring betwixt My toes.
Follow My instructions
I am vocal about what I like. If I give you any guidance on how best to worship My feet, listen and act accordingly. Do not make Me repeat Myself.
Ask Me what I like, if it feels good, what might feel better. I like when My slaves are willing to learn. Also, whilst I believe some of this blog may be true for other Dommes (no teeth is a universal dislike I imagine), these are only My own personal preferences. Every Domme is different, and you would do well to remember that. Always ask what feels best and what they like. Different strokes for different folks!
Lastly, My biggest tip for foot fetish subs...
Dedicate some time to learning massage techniques!
You wouldn't even have to pay (although you could if you wanted to!). YouTube is full of tutorials. A quick search on 'foot massage' has thrown up over 852,000 results for Me. Some of them are as short as 3 minutes, others go on for nearly an hour.
Take some time to learn foot anatomy and massage technique. Although massage is mostly about hands, I guarantee you such knowledge would improve any worship you do with your mouth too. If you are a foot fetishist, I highly doubt watching these videos would be more of a chore than they would excitable... so you really have no excuse do you?
A slave knowledgeable in reflexology or Thai or Swedish foot massage would impress Me no end. In fact, I don't know of a single Domme who wouldn't love to have a trained foot masseuse at Her beck and call. I am no exception.
Time for another Twitter 'Questions & Answers' blog, peppered with some snaps from My latest photoshoot for those of you who just come here to shamelessly perv...
What amuses you the most in a sub Miss Lola?
The look on their face when I ruin their orgasm... hysterical.
What is that you find the most enjoyable to do when dominating?
For Me, My enjoyment of Domination comes from the power exchange. My sessions tend to revolve around control rather than outright pain. Although I love to dish out a caning, I tend to find psychological domination more thrilling than physical. Even My sessions which are focused on pain tend to have a more psychological motivation to it as opposed to just 'pain for pains sake' (as in, training a submissive to take more cane strokes than last time, or using pain as a way for them to earn a reward). Sessions focusing on control in any and all forms, such as orgasm control/denial, chastity, edging, ruined orgasm, cuckolding, worship, tend to be My forte.
Is it a pain to clean whips or canes after a particularly brutal whipping/caning on a sub?
Not really. Sterilising is a fairly straightforward procedure. What can be more difficult is cleaning a room, especially after a brutal caning session or an aggressive sploshing session!
How do You get such a perfect body? How do you stay in such good shape?
I don't particularly watch what I eat, although I only eat plant-based food which I am sure helps. I don't do any regular exercise outside of the occasional yoga class. Annoyingly I am just one of those people who manages to stay fairly slim. I mostly put it down to good genes, although I am sure spending My teenage years dancing professionally helped Me attain such curvy leg muscles, and a stint of tightlacing when I was 17 helped shape Me a smaller waist.
How do you decide which implement to use to spank or whip someone?
Generally speaking I pick items I find the most pleasing to use, which depends on the implements. I like My floggers to be weighty but easy to swing. As it helps My aim, I prefer My canes on the medium-thin size, straight and short. I like paddles to be firm and rigid. I much prefer a wooden paddle over a floppy tawse or strap. If I am using a number of implements, I'll begin with the softest and work up to the hardest/most painful, unless I am feeling particularly cruel!
If you were 50 feet tall, what would You do?
Squish silly little subs under My pretty red toes, obviously... 🙂
Mistress what was the best first impression any sub ever made on you as a professional domme?
Many of My subs make a great first impression, it's actually surprisingly easy. The steps to making a great first impression with Me are...
Following My booking procedure exactly as it is outlined. This generally starts with My slave application form. A clear, well written application which indicates you have read My website and you are already off to a great start.
Following all subsequent instructions to the letter. Calling to confirm your session at the time requested. Not badgering Me with endless questions or requests. Always treating Me with respect and courtesy. Turning up to your session on time.
I am not particularly interested in or adept at FinDom, however... slaves who bring Me a gift to their first session tend to impress Me. Not because they have spent extra money on Me, but because it demonstrates a certain approach to their submission immediately. They have taken the time to read My wishlist page. They've then gone into a shop and picked something with Me in mind. Even if that is a fairly inexpensive gift, such as a bathbomb from Lush or a small selection of vegan chocolates, they have already begun thinking of how to please Me before even meeting with Me. It demonstrates they are already taking initiative to prove themselves to Me. The seriousness in which they approach their first session with Me bodes well.
Giving Me My tribute in a sealed envelope or a card. Again, not mandatory, but still shows some thoughtfulness and attention to detail/protocol.
Throughout their session, they communicate clearly with Me. First sessions tend to be a little bit of a learning curve. Submissives who utilise the traffic light system of 'Green, Amber and Red' which I give them make My role as the Top easier and help Me to figure out where their soft and hard limits are. Of course I wish to push My submissives boundaries, but I still want for that to be clearly within the bounds of consent. Extreme limit pushing is something I personally feel best left for when I know them better. Submissives who are vocal about their limits both before and during O/our play help Me Top and help the session flow more smoothly.
Although this perhaps doesn't count as contributing to a first impression, I especially like when My submissives email Me a day or so after their session to tell Me a little more about how their experience went. Once again, to Me this shows some level of protocol and communication which I find very appealing in My submissives.
What behaviour do You wish You saw more of?
Along with what I have outlined as above on making a good first impression, I wish that more prospective slaves understood how time consuming the administration of Pro-Domme work is, and acted accordingly. Succinct, concise and clear communication at all times. Gently reminding Me of any previous communication W/we may have had. I must have dozens of 'Steve's' in My contact list, and it can be difficult to keep track of each individual! Reading the FAQ on My website rather than asking Me to repeat that same answer over email. Googling answers to more general questions about BDSM. When My interactions with My slaves are easy (and not time consuming), I very much appreciate it.
Have you ever sat for your portrait?
The wonderful Sardax sketched Me in London a few months ago. I highly recommend you check out more of his amazing work at Sardax.com
What's it like being a Mistress on Twitter?
Fun! Twitter is a fantastic platform to connect with other Dommes and submissives. I love it.
Do crossdressers turn you on? Would you have a crossdresser as a boyfriend?
Yes and yes 🙂
When did you first get turned on by using strap ons? Have you always wanted to fuck men with strap-ons?
I wouldn't say I have always wanted to peg men specifically, but I have always had a keen interest in kinky sex. I think I first delved into the world of strap on play when I was 20/21. Sadly none of My partners prior to that were kinksters.
What do you think should be the punishment for rapists?
This is by far the most thought provoking question out of all the ones I received, and one I could probably write an entire blog on itself, especially in the wake of the #MeToo movement. I realise that you likely want Me to say castrate them. The truth is a really don't know, and I don't have a clear answer for this question.
I believe that justice should be survivor led... that it is really up to the victims of their crimes what action would help them make peace with what has happened to them. I personally have very mixed feelings about the prison system insofar as how much that actually aids any rehabilitation, but understand why so many survivors/victims feel it important to punish people who have committed such life altering crimes against them. There is also restorative justice and community/accountability processes which seem to be gaining some traction in more radical communities by centering survivors/victims, although I have mixed feelings on these too. I struggle to see any real middle ground, with the only thing I am certain on is that survivors/victims and their healing is what is important, much more than what the general public feels would be a just punishment.
I am also of the belief that much of the work to protect victims/survivors can be done before rape happens. Rethinking our reporting system and making it easier. Believing victims/survivors when they break the silence. Never ever questioning what actions they took or didn't took and how that contributed to a crime which was perpetrated against them (because the only reason people are raped is because someone decides to rape them, and it has fuck all to do with short skirts or alcohol).
Most rapists rape more than once, because we have a culture which lets them. Boys will be boys, locker room talk, the bro code. Rapists get away with their crimes over and over because even if their victims/survivors do speak up, the likelihood is they will not be believed, they will never go through the court system and they will never face any kind of justice/punishment. At the very least, I think there should be some social repercussions to being a rapist. If you see a friend being creepy, call it out. If you find out a friend has committed an assault, confront them, ostracise them... just do ~something~. Do not respond with silence, because your silence is code for your approval.
I don't see any clear answer for 'what the punishment for rapists should be' because I think victims/survivors healing is what matters. But I think having a culture which empowers victims/survivors to speak up and which has serious social consequences for people who commit rape is a bare minimum.
After an extended break, I am thankfully feeling so much better. I have already returned to sessions, and over the next couple of weeks will be easing Myself back into webcam sessions and filming.
My down time did Me the world of good. Anyone who has also experienced depression could probably agree with Me how difficult it can be to manage. Most of all, I just felt completely overwhelmed and emotionally exhausted.
My work was not at all the cause, but it had become a major cause of stress. Worrying that I wasn't replying to emails quick enough. Feeling anxious that I wasn't filming as much as I should. The level of admin involved in Pro-Domming is huge, and I was falling behind and feeling more burdened by the day.
I did not anticipate the response I got when I announced My break and reasons for doing so. Hundreds of messages of support poured in. I was blown away by how understanding everyone was, and how generous people are when they know you're struggling. If you ever feel like that, don't hesitate to tell those around you... peoples willingness to help will surprise you.
Thank you to everyone who messaged Me during My break. I can't put into words how much I appreciated it.
Now that I am back, I am also making a few changes to My sessions.
Strap-on and Anal Play
Firstly, and probably most exciting to some of you, is the reintroduction of strap on and anal play into My sessions. After a few bad experiences early in My career I decided to take this off My fetishes list. In My personal life I never stopped pegging though, and My enjoyment has been rekindled even more recently. So, for all you anal sluts, I am once again happy to train and violate you this way... 🙂
Same Day Availability
Secondly, I am going to start offering same day sessions, with some caveats. I will need at least 3 hours notice, and I will need a small deposit sent prior to Me travelling into the chambers to see you (unless of course you are a loyal, regular serving slave). I do not want to waste time travelling into the dungeon for no show slaves when I could instead be at home filming, editing or webcamming. For those genuine subs amongst you, I doubt a little gift voucher to prove you are worthy of My attention will deter you.
If you want a same day session, then I suggest calling Me to check I am available. It would still be most helpful if you could fill out My slave application form prior to the start of your session, but perhaps do so after you have already confirmed I can accommodate your session.
Double Domme Sessions
Lastly, I am now offering Double Domme sessions with My dear friend Mistress Pomf! A little about Her in Her own words...
"I am American professional Dominatrix Mistress Pomf. With divine features, a voice like velvet that simultaneously soothes, titillates, and claws into you, and a mind trained in the art of domination, I will leave you floating in the ecstasy of submission. My greatest enjoyment is derived from My expertise in the art of humiliation and mindfucking, although I delight in giving physical punishments to My pain sluts. My style is unpredictable, ranging from brilliant verbals to the eerie power of silence. I am often described as a sadist with the dirtiest laugh and most devilish smile."
You can find out more about Her on Her own website here...
Mistress Lola Ruin is a deliciously kinky Professional Dominatrix. With over 8 years experience, She therefore holds all of Her sessions at a fully equipped playspace in Manchester. She is a truly world class Domme. As one of the finest Dominas in the North West, Mistress Lola Ruin is especially selective about who She allows in Her Dungeon. Read all Her FemDom exploits on Her Blog. Drool over Her gallery of Pro-Domme photos. Read testimonials written by Her loyal slaves. Lola Ruin also loves to visit London to offer Domination sessions to submissives in the capital. Sign up to Her mailing list and be told of tour dates. Domme Lola Ruin loves all kinds of BDSM play, especially adores Ruined Orgasms, Latex and Foot worship fetishes. A well-known Clips4Sale Mistress, She consequently loves to film Female Domination content for Her loyal subs. Request your own custom clip from Her here.
As a little backstory to this blog, those of you who follow Me on twitter will have seen I have recently been the subject of harassment. I use recently as a loose term, as this person in question has been hounding Me for well over a year. He has contacted Me through My website, My niteflirt account, My email, and now Twitter. He has also tried to canvass over Dommes and even My submissives. The backstory is that I was briefly in discussion with him regarding a custom clip he wanted, with Me starring as a submissive. I turned him down, as what he wanted was well beyond My comfort limits. It has, however, inspired Me to write this. I thought you loyal readers may find it interesting to hear of My limited experience in your shoes.
Fresh faced, slightly intoxicated, and rocking some steampunk ropework...
I have never been a natural submissive. When I first discovered BDSM with My ex-partner in My early 20's, he identified solely as submissive, and this suited Me perfectly. It allowed Me to really explore and develop My style as a Domme (which has continued to evolve throughout My career). One night, being the adventurous couple W/we were, we decided to attempt switching. He put My legs in a binder, tied My hands up and behind My head and slipped a blindfold on Me. 30 seconds later, if that, I safeworded. An overwhelming sense of claustrophobia struck Me. We didn't ever try switching again.
My ex-partner and I parted ways a few years after that, and I began to explore My sexuality as a single person. I decided that I would try to avoid dating anyone who identified solely as submissive. Topping at both work and at home was burning Me out. As you can imagine though, when you are so open about being a Dominatrix, attracting partners who aren't submissive can be somewhat difficult 🙂
I thought that perhaps I would try submission again, now a few years after My last attempt. I find shibari both artistic and relaxing, so I've quite enjoyed being tied up a few times. During My trip to Thailand last year I took part in a 6 hour long, meditative shibari session. Although good experiences, these were really lacking of any D/s dynamic.
I also dabbled with a couple of casual partners who indulged My desire to try subbing. I've probably tried it four or five times total. To be completely honest, I spent most occasions (silently) critiquing technique and comparing it to what I would do...! Sadly, it is difficult not to when you are submitting to someone much less experienced at Topping than you are.
My first attempt at suspension.
My desire to have a more successful, enjoyable attempt grew. You'll often hear people categorise the submissives of Pro-Dommes as powerful, Type-A, business types, looking for release from their high pressure lives (although I'm of the opinion that the high tributes Us Dommes demand may well make that a biased sample!). My work was becoming more demanding each year. More and more men were submitting to My every whim and paying Me for the privilege. Psychologically, the idea of giving up control to someone else was becoming more and more attractive, as it was in stark contrast to the rest of My life. Like My type-A subs, I started to see such an experience as 'freeing'.
Then last year I had a potential submissive contact Me asking for a 'switch' session, whereby I would sub to him for the first half, before getting My own back as a Top the second half. The activities he wanted to explore with Me as a submissive were all fairly soft and within My limits, so I agreed. It sounded like a fun session.
A little snap of My marks after My switch session...
Afterwards, I received an email from the same person, saying that he felt much more naturally Dom than he anticipated, and would I consider doing a purely submissive session. As I had already seen him in a switch capacity, and knew his style of Topping suited Me, I said yes. The prospect of exploring submission excited Me. We embarked on a lengthy email conversation, discussing each and every possible activity. I had to think long and hard about what I was willing to do, what I was willing to try, and what I absolutely would not do under any circumstances. His interests aligned perfectly with My limits, and I agreed to 'tutor' him in certain activities so he would know how to do it safely.
We embarked on a series of sessions with Me as the submissive. I was spanked and whipped. Given homework and cleaning tasks. I had hot wax poured over Me, and cold glasses of water thrown over Me. Bound with rope, I tried 'predicament bondage'. I took the cane. My sessions as a submissive explored lots of other things too, but I won't go into too much detail here out of respect and discretion for My Dom. Plus, I'd like to leave your imaginations running a little 😉
Some of the shibari I did in Thailand...
I found a new understanding of what it was like to submit to someone without there being a more sexual aspect to it. It was an interesting experience, being paid to partake in a non-sexual, purely D/s relationship. There were times where I felt this wonderful urge to be good submissive and please My Dominant. There were also times where I found submitting very difficult. I felt somewhat conflicted about accepting payment for something which, at certain points, I did not enjoy. It seemed very much against My work ethos.
Our sessions eventually came to a mutual end. During O/our last session, I felt as though a boundary was crossed (albeit in a minor way). I safeworded, W/we discussed it, and he apologised profusely. Even so, this dampened My trust in My Top. Along with occasionally feeling conflicted about O/our sessions, after that incident I decided that I would likely turn down a future session if He asked for one, but he didn't book in again after that anyway. I think by that point W/we had both gotten all that W/we could from O/our sessions together.
I never advertised that I was doing submissive sessions, and I still don't. To Me, O/our dynamic felt like a one-off. We had spent so much time negotiating limits and that had built up a certain amount of trust between U/us. I also quite firmly believe that My low pain threshold generally makes Me an unsuitable professional submissive. Obviously submissives charge even more than Dominatrixes. I felt like the majority of those looking for a professional submissive would likely want to explore much harder activities than I am comfortable with.
Do I feel as though My few experiences as a submissive has made Me a better Top? Honestly... not really. I gained a little more understanding of Myself, and I gained a little bit of insight into what it is like for My submissives to visit Me, but I don't believe you need to have been a submissive to be a good Domme. To My mind, what makes a great Domme more than experience as a submissive is empathy. When I am caning a submissive, I am doing so whilst reading their body language, checking in verbally if needed, imagining how it feels for them (and obviously enjoying Myself!). I rarely think back to when I took it Myself.
Being on the receiving end of the cane did not teach Me how to administer a caning either empathetically OR safely. Years of practise fuelled by enjoyment did.
Probably the most public display of submission you will ever see from Me... at the Spankathon Porn Protest in 2015
With regards to subbing in the future, I would still like to find someone I could explore submitting with on a personal, perhaps more sexual level. I'm adventurous, and I like experimenting. But, I imagine they would have to be pretty special for it to work judging by all My past experiences... I continue to be a very fussy submissive 🙂