Manchester Dominatrix Mistress Lola Ruin loves to sensually Dominate her subs, and especially to control their pleasure... learn more about a Chastity slaves experience under her expert lock and key!
It’s getting towards evening on New Year’s Eve. I’m spending it quietly, and I’ve used it as an opportunity to spend almost the whole day walking around in just my chastity cage. It’s not only more comfortable that way, it also helps to remind me of the state I’ll be in during my session with Mistress Lola (although I haven’t been crawling around on the floor to complete the picture).
There are only three days left before O/our session and apart from dwelling on the frustration of having been denied an orgasm for so long I can also start wondering whether Mistress Lola will allow me to have one, and what price (probably measured in can strokes!) I will have to pay for it. Right now it feels like She wouldn’t even have to remove the cage to provoke me into having a ruined orgasm…
Having stayed awake to see in the new year last night, and having woken up at more or less a normal time this morning, only a few hours seemed to have passed from watching Mistress Lola’s video when settling into bed to watching it again before getting up. It’s been an easy routine to get used to. Maybe I’m just feeling quite compliant; I’m certainly feeling very attentive.
I’ve just spent the day thinking about my session with Mistress Lola constantly. I actually watched more than my mandated three video clips today (and I still haven’t watched the clip for this evening!). I still have the compulsion to seek out that sort of stimulation even though I know I cannot do much with the energy it fosters. I suppose that’s the emotional paradox at the centre of chastity training: having to constrain a desire that it becomes harder and harder to ignore over time.
As much as I think I’m possessed of a good store of willpower under most circumstances, I think one thing has become clear to me over the last couple of weeks or so: without being locked in this cage I’m not sure I would have coped with the demands of the experience. I hardly notice it now, and I imagine (I know) it will feel a little strange not to wear it.
I’m writing this very late in the day on my last day locked in chastity before I see Mistress Lola. I didn’t sleep too well last night, waking up early (again!) thinking about the session and wondering what Mistress Lola has in store for me. All I know for sure is that I will start the session where I belong, worshipping Her feet. Having in the past been let out of chastity during a session only to be locked up again after it, I can’t know for sure whether Mistress Lola will unlock me, whether She will allow me an orgasm, or anything else.
I can’t express how much I love being under Her control, though, whatever She intends to do to me tomorrow, and that feels like an appropriate sentiment on which to leave this diary entry: the best, most definitive part about being locked in chastity is giving up control to the Mistress I adore.
I've long held the opinion that BDSM play can be therapeutic, for both Dommes and submissives. I've personally found a majority of my subs find a sense of freedom and healing, through serving a Dominant. I make reference to this a few times throughout my website, and so today I thought I would dedicate a longer blog post to it.
Now, before I delve more into my own thoughts, I feel the need to make something very clear. Recently there have been a spate of mainstream media articles, all discussing BDSM as their therapy. Now, whilst I truly believe that BDSM play can be healing, I do not believe that seeing a Dominatrix should ever be a substitution for actual therapy. This is an important distinction. Let's take the example of a past traumatic sexual experience. Re-enacting what happened to you in a space where you feel safe and ultimately in control (hello safewords!) can of course be incredibly healing.
However, it will never match up to discussing this at length with a trained psychological professional. Not only is a Dominatrix not qualified to offer this to you, but it would be unfair of you to project that onto them. If you are seriously struggling with your mental health, whilst a seeing a Dominatrix does have the potential to help your mental state, they should be the last on the list of professionals you seek out (with trained, accredited psychotherapists and your doctors being the top). For those of you seeking a therapist, I can highly recommend Pink Therapy where you can specify wanting to see a kink friendly therapist. Now that I've make the all important distinction between 'therapy' and 'therapuetic', let's delve into the meat of this blog.
The History of BDSM as a Mental Illness
The idea that BDSM can be therapuetic is a relatively new concept (although perhaps not to those of us who actually practise it).
Shockingly, BDSM was only declassified as a mental illness in 2010. Less than a decade ago, a craving for a spanking was seen as a marker for pathology. Everyone in the community usually has strong negative feelings for the portrayl of BDSM in 50 Shades. For all its faults (of which there are many), it did normalise kink, and bring some mainstream understanding, albeit with the cliche of a 'damaged' Domme. These days, studies seem to indicate that kinky fantasies are the norm. A fair chunk of the population actually have some kind of non-vanilla yearnings...
BDSM is no longer a marker of insanity, or the extreme past-time for the damaged it was once seen as. Now, for many people, it is simply an alternative way to explore sexuality. There is much more freedom and choice in it than simple vanilla sex... Not to mention that sometimes it can include basically no genital stimulation at all. It hinges on the exploration of power, pleasure and process. Of course, at what point light-hearted play tips over into more profound healing depends on the individuals.
A healing relationship with your Dominant
As I mentioned earlier, BDSM should not be a substitution for therapy. However, there is a huge amount of overlap between the motivations for those who seek out play and who seek out therapy. A desire for personal growth and self exploration. Learning how to regulate emotions and manage symptoms. Getting in touch with less dominant aspects of your personality. To re-frame and reclaim past trauma. Developing a relationship built on absolute trust, respect and non-judgement. These are often discussed as goals for both BDSM players and those in therapy.
Submitting fully to another person can be all at once terrifying and exhilarating. To explore your deepest fantasies without fear of shame or judgement, guided by a professional you trust, is quite the experience. Especially for those who have had past traumatic sexual experiences, is there any place better to reclaim that than in a place where you have a professional guiding your experience, and your consent is king?
Whilst during play submissives may get little to no say in what is to happen to them, any good Dominatrix will always negotiate your limits with you prior to play, and won't spring anything extreme onto you that you haven't already expressed an interest in. Within the four walls of a dungeon, having a Dominant who you trust to treat your body with respect and care, and that your needs, desires, boundaries and safety are paramount, is incredibly liberating. This is especially for those who may have been mistreated by partners in the past.
Physical Sensations of Submission
The experience of a submissive is both a physical and psychological act, and can be a healing experience in both ways.
Not only can pain serve as a heightener of pleasure, but it also serves it's own physical purpose. When in moments of pain, the body begins to flood with adrenaline, feel good endorphins and enkephalins. The sensation can be at once exhilarating and euphoric, as these begin to shoot straight to the opiate receptors of the brain... The same button a shot of heroin would press. When under both physical and mental stress, the body also starts to spew out cortisol and endocannabinoids. Suddenly, you'll find yourself swimming in the bodies homemade equivalent to morphine and cannabis, pumped up further by a buzz of adrenaline... the natural, chemical high of subspace. Feeling good physically is good for your soul.
Psychological Sensations of Submission
The idea that 'altered states of consciousness' is good for mental well-being is slowly gaining traction. From modern day studies into psychedelic therapies and to the ever increasing popularity of yoga, meditation and mindfulness practice. I would argue that BDSM play can definitely fall into this same category.
To me, there are huge paralells between meditation, mindfulness and BDSM play. By taking total control of a submissive, we are both forced to live almost completely in the present moment. For submissives, having someone else take care of all your decisions allows you to clear your mind of distractions. This kind of setting allows for a 'hyperfocus' on the here and now, as both past and future melt away.
For submissives, experiencing a 'thoughtlessness' during session allows them to tap into their physical sensations even more. Quite often in play I will blindfold my slaves and instruct them to 'drop down into their body'. Generally speaking, we are all so in our heads all the time. Taking a moment to clear our thoughts and focus on actual bodily sensations is very freeing. Unless you have a regular exercise regime, this is probably not something you do very often.
Quite often, during play both Dommes and submissives will find themselves in a 'State of Flow'...
In positive psychology, a flow state, also known colloquially as being in the zone, is the mental state of operation in which a person performing an activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and enjoyment in the process of the activity. In essence, flow is characterized by the complete absorption in what one does, and a resulting loss in one's sense of space and time. (Wikipedia)
Beyond just being a catalyst for feeling good, in the same way that exercise or meditation, I think it's also important to acknowledge how BDSM specifically can help those people with past sexual trauma.
The Healing Nature of Consent
Firstly, is the importance that consent is given in any play. If you have ever experienced how devastating it can be to have your consent ignored, then being given such power over what is happening you can be incredibly cathartic. This is one of the reasons why I believe so avidly in safewords. They act as the foundation to a relationship which is built entirely around a promise of trust and respect. As a survivior, having your mind and body treated with such respect is always going to be a healing experience. Being able to feel like you safely explore intimacy again is a huge victory in the face of past violations.
It's also worth mentioning that while there is plenty of overlap, BDSM is not the same as sex. If you are a trauma survivor, then it may well be that certain vanilla sex acts may be quite triggering. Being able to explore sexuality which is not in its nature sexual, can feel safe and comforting. You can reclaim a sense of sexuality without engaging in sex acts which are triggering for you.
More specifically, some people even like to act out their traumas, and reclaim them in the process. I am sure every Domme has a tale or two of a submissive who wishes to do this. Personally, I have countless. It's the same reason why I believe rape fantasies are common amongst women (and even rape victims). By fetishising something which was or would be awful to actually experience it, you can control it. And by taking control of exactly how it happens you to, there is power.
The idea of self care is a bit of a buzzword these days. However, there is so much truth to the idea that dedicating time to your own well-being is a powerful thing. Just like we go to the gym for our bodies, we should also set aside time to nourish our minds.
What does the Science Say?
Thankfully, science seems to be on the side of kinksters, although sadly not too much science has been done.
A Netherlands study into BDSM players found they have better mental health than their vanilla counterparts. This included being less neurotic, more extroverted, more open to new experiences, more conscientious, less rejection sensitive and higher subjective well-being.
A subsequent U.S. study of BDSM-identified couples found reductions in self-reported stress and negative affect.They also found as increases in intimacy with their partners following BDSM play.
A study by the ever fabulous Pamela Connelly also found BDSM practitioners had lower levels of depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), psychological sadism, psychological masochism, borderline pathology, and paranoia. In the interest of honesty, I'll also say that she found higher levels of 'dissociation' and 'narcissism'... Given the fact we're talking about subspace high submissives and in a state of flow dominants, I find unsurprising!
Whilst researching this blog, I also read this article, which I'll recommend to you all. In particular, one paragraph struck me...
"Given free reign, our aggressive drives have produced a human history of spectacular violence. Yet, as Rogers insists, the drives themselves are neither good nor bad. If conscientiously directed with the consent of others, even our darkest impulses can be profoundly meaningful. Unacknowledged however, they are often a constant source of shame, anxiety, and sublimation."
And there lies yet another reason why BDSM can be healing... simply just acknowledging our desires, rather than shamefully hiding them away.
The body and the mind are sites for both trauma AND healing. To everyone reading this now, I hope that you experience far more of the latter.
The ultimate Chastity experience in Manchester,
Mistress Lola Ruin loves to keep Her slaves under Her lock and key...
Another morning of frustrated desire. Because today was one of complete leisure it meant I could spend a couple of hours restlessly in bed, thinking about Mistress Lola and O/our session a few days ago. My bruises are no longer painful, but I still have a few healing cuts to remind me of my caning. I press my face into the pillow and think of worshipping Her bottom. None of this is particularly helpful in dealing with my cock straining inside its cage, but of course this is the perverse joy and the challenge of chastity.
Other than when travelling home from O/our session this was the first day I’ve worn the cage out in public during this stint of chastity. As always this feels a little perilous, although that might be just a bit of an exhibitionist fantasy talking.
When being caned it’s difficult to ignore the impulse to keep track of what proportion of my allotted strokes Mistress Lola has given me (halfway there, three fifths of the way there…). I’m now a third of the way through my time locked up, or at least a third of the way towards my next session with Mistress; since She holds the keys literally and figuratively I should not perhaps be so sure…
I’m writing this on my last morning at home before travelling away for Christmas this afternoon. It’s been another pretty sleepless night of high frustration, and it’ll be interesting to see how that carries through into dealing with constant company. This will be not only my longest time locked up in chastity but also the first time I’ve been locked up for Christmas, and right now I imagine it could be something of a relief when I get home and I can deal with my frustration in private, but it might also be that all the festivity acts as a distraction from this predicament to which I’ve submitted.
I was reflecting yesterday that my time in chastity so far seems to have gone quite quickly, but for some reason right now it feels like the (minimum) time I have left locked up is stretching away ahead of me. For all that, I’m struck by no doubt highly irrational but predictable and understandable thoughts like how wonderful it would be to be kept under lock and key by Mistress Lola permanently, only permitted any kind of release in Her presence, and so on. I couldn’t offer an explanation for this, but it doesn’t seem important to provide one, other than to relay the pleasure I’m getting from something as submissive as chastity.
Manchester Mistress Lola Ruin loves to torment you by holding the key to your caged up cock...
Today is Christmas Eve, and despite the distraction of company to keep me from reflecting exclusively on being locked up for my Mistress – combatted somewhat, of course, by fulfilling my nightly responsibility of watching Mistress Lola's teasing video clip – the frustration has been difficult to ignore and quick and easy to trigger.
This being the first time I will have worn my cage for an extended period in such constant proximity to other people, I've had to take the preventative step of taping down the padlock on the cage to prevent it audibly rattling around. It's the sort of Christmas surprise I'd sooner keep un-sprung...
Manchester Dominatrix Lola Ruin is thrilled to have been invited by Mistress Tess to co-host Her Vanilla Corruption party!
For the last 4 years, the incredible Mistress Tess has hosted a 'Vanilla Corruption' play party... an event where her vanilla girlfriends come along to see the lucky subs attending being played with humiliated and debased for their amusement. The event serves to be a demonstration of BDSM, and this year I am thrilled to have been asked to co-host alongside her, at her fabulous playspace The Alchemy Rooms.
What play happens at the event will depend upon the interests of those who apply, and of course all limits are respected. Previous events have included pet play, sissies, whipping, electro-play, humiliation and strap-on, to give you a flavour of the kind of fun we might have in store for you. The only fetishes that we are unable to indulge in are forced bisexuality, hardsports and orgasms/orgasm control. Beyond that, the possibilities for play are limitless!
The event will take place on... Saturday 11th May
The Alchemy Rooms, Leighton
14.00 - 18.00
There are only 8-10 places for submissives to attend, and as such places are extremely limited. Tribute must be paid up front and in full to Mistress Tess in order to secure your place.
The event will begin with an introduction and review of interests and limits. The event is strictly CFNM, and so all men attending will require to be stripped (although exceptions will be made for sissies and pets of course!). Then, the fun will begin! Both myself and Mistress Tess will be initiating play and encouraging the vanilla Ladies to get involved. For submissives awaiting interaction or wishing the take a break, the fabulous Alchemy Rooms has a plethora of bondage furniture and cages to keep you in! Part way through proceedings there will be a break for a buffet and refreshments.
Should you wish to apply, dreaming of prostrating yourself for the amusement of so many ladies, get in touch with Mistress Tess directly through her website below...
Imagine: A beautiful, dominant Woman escorts you into Her brand new playspace, and locks you within. Just as She is about to leave, looks you up and down, and smiles wickedly.
From this moment, you will be contained under Her complete control, and only She decides when your time is up. Once that door closes, your ability to make decisions for yourself have ended. All decisions are Hers, Hers alone—And they are final.
This experience can be yours.
The opening of My own personal playspace means I am now able to be entertained by slaves for longer than ever before. To celebrate, I am now offering 'Extended Experiences' for those brave enough to pursue them.
Are you that special type of slave who craves a taste of real life control in a D/s environment? Perhaps you want to steal a glimpse into what 24/7 might look and feel like? Have you always strived to turn over decision-making to a beautiful woman who knows exactly what to do with that opportunity?
This is a unique, one-time experience that you can fantasise about over a lifetime... or, you can experience it for real.
Torment and Isolation
During these extended sessions, I will toy and torment you at My leisure, before leaving you abandoned and isolated. Between the delights of My torment, you will be left with nothing to do but to meditate on how fortunate you are to be in such a predicament.
You will savour every moment I bestow upon you, and each will leave your mind and body begging for more. Your isolation will only serve to heighten how blessed you will feel by each scrap of attention you receive from Me.
Whilst you are alone, I may bind your hands in glove mitts, to further prove to you just how hopeless and helpless you are in my care. I may leave erotic films playing that will only serve to further frustrate you and leave you in discomfort.
For those attending My overnight and 24 hour sessions, you will be stowed away in a cage directly underneath My bed. Just imagine your frustration as you are completely starved of attention, laying on the cold floor beneath Me. Then, your ears prick as you hear Me pleasuring Myself to sleep above you, just outside of sight and touch...
Pick your Poison
Experiences I am currently indulging My submissives in range from 6 hour daytime, 12 hour extended daytime, 12 hour overnight and a 24 hour full day experience. They include…
Orgasm Control Experience
My all time favourite activity and obvious speciality. Placed into solitary confinement, I will visit you once every hour to either edge you, milk you, or ruin you.
6, 12, or 24 hours Tribute beginning at £500
Caging & Confinement Experience
Your sentence is to be caged, ignored, teased and tormented by whatever means I decide. But isn’t that how it should be?
6, 12, or 24 hours Tribute beginning at £350
Bondage Slavery Experience
Ideal for those who need more restraint than others. You will experience a variety of bondage, including caging, rope bondage, mummification and more!
6 or 12 hours Tribute beginning at £500
All Day Toilet Experience
Used as My personal piss bucket. This is the perfect opportunity for slaves who desire the taste of Mistress’s vintage.
6 or 12 hours Tribute beginning at £300
Servitude Slavery Experience
A unique opportunity for service-oriented slaves. Trained in high protocol and set to work as I oversee your servitude. A rare glimpse into 24/7 personal slavery.
6, 12, or 24 hours Tribute beginning at £450
I am now able to offer incredibly exclusive cuckolding sessions, which are joined by My wonderfully well endowed partner! I understand if you are already feeling jealous…
Two hour minimum, mailing list only. Tribute beginning at £300 per hour
Customise your Experience
Above are just a few of the ways I have dreamed up. But perhaps you greedily wish to experience more than one of these torments? I am open to hearing from slaves who desire to 'mix and match' from the above, or indeed customise an entire experience.
Provided your fantasy follows the same format of isolation injected with hourly play, then you have permission to approach Me with further details.
Apply for your Extended Experience today...
So, when searching for a truly unique experience with a beautiful, exotic Manchester Mistress, an extended session with Me is definitely one you don’t want to pass up...