No matter what the motivation may be for entering the realm of kink, whether that means hoping to being an established long term D/s dynamic or simply wanting to experience some incredible Pro Dominatrices talents for yourself, it is vital that you research and approach them correctly. Picking the right Mistress for you is a process which shouldn’t be taken lightly if you want to have the best possible connection.
So, where to begin?
Step 1. Live Out Your Fantasy, Desire and Satisfaction takes Planning
Selecting a Professional Dominatrix involves numerous considerations, from her preferences and equipment to your own budget and desires. It’s crucial that the Mistress you visit has facilities and skills compatible with your fantasies if you want to get the most out of your experience.
But first, let’s get some less exciting logistics out of the way…
Step 2: The Best Mistresses Demand A Big Budget
I have regular submissives who are based 10 minutes from my playspace, and regulars who fly each time they see me, but of course the latter is not feasible for everyone.
Whilst I do not recommend ruling a Dominatrix out solely for budgetary or location reasons, especially someone who is ideal for you in every other way, it is important to consider and may help you narrow your search before you even begin. In my opinion, your PERFECT Dominatrix is worth saving up for and travelling to, but you need to make sure that is a commitment you can make before applying to serve.
Visit Manchester and immerse yourself in the world of sensual domination with the captivating and skilled Mistress Lola Ruin. Your journey into the realm of pleasure and submission awaits in the vibrant city of Manchester.
Experience the thrill of stress-relieving fun in Manchester as you submit to the captivating charm of Lola Ruin, the leading Mistress of Mistresses. From all corners of the world, slaves of diverse backgrounds find themselves devoted to her the moment they set eyes on her. In her custom-built Playspace in Tameside, she masterfully controls and engages in Power Exchange, fulfilling your deepest desires.
Lola Ruin is not just any Dominatrix; she is renowned for her expertise in sensual domination, earning her the title of the most desired Mistress in Manchester. With over 7 years of experience, Lola possesses both professional and lifestyle skills, making her a dominant force in the BDSM scene. She has a deep understanding of kink and acknowledges that for many submissives, their sessions with her are therapeutic and cathartic.
Unlike other harsh and cruel Mistresses, Lola Ruin takes a sensual approach to BDSM. She gently guides her submissives, whispering promises of reward or threats of penalty along the way. Her private Manchester dungeon Playspace is a luxurious haven filled with every kinky accessory imaginable. Here, your desires are not only explored but expanded under the guidance of this stunning Dominatrix.
Lola Ruin offers a range of specialist fetish services, including Ruined Orgasms, Foot Worship, Sensual Domination, and Slave Training. As a well-known filming Manchester Dominatrix, she even provides the option of capturing your session in Full HD, creating a lasting memento of your time with her.
Dungeon Room – Manchester Playspace Aligned Sexual Desires and Interests
Now, something a little more fun. Exactly what is it you hope to explore during your BDSM session? Do you have specific fetish itches you want scratched, such as latex or foot worship? Have you got a preference for a particular roleplay dynamic, for example a Headmistress scenario which would require a more domestic setting as opposed to a dungeon room? And crucially, what about the style of the Mistress… do you pine for someone cruel and unrelenting, or would you prefer a Mistress who is sensual and playful?
The scene is big and varied, and it’s likely you will not only find wonderful Dominatrixes who cater for your particular kinks and style of play, but that specialise in them.
Whilst most Professional Dominatrices have access to an arsenal of equipment, looking at your list of activities, bear in mind what facilities and skills your Mistress would need to have to make those fantasies a reality. If you’re a sissy, then you may want to consider someone with a large wardrobe of feminisation clothes in varying sizes. If you have a penchant for bondage, then consider if you need a Mistress with a vac-bed, suspension rig and/or shibari training. Are you looking for a longer session, such as an extended experience or overnight? Then you will need to approach a Mistress who is able to accommodate that.
Now, look back over your entire plan… your budget and location preferences, your kinks and interests, your preferred style and specialities, and any niche or special requirements. This is a good time to reflect on how much ‘flexibility’ you have for each of these desires, and consider whether is it absolutely imperative, or simply a preference you’d be happy to compromise on for the right Dominatrix.
For example, would you travel further for a Dominatrix who listed your favourite kink as a specialty? Will it make or break your session to experience something specialist like a latex vacbed, or would that just be a bonus? All of this will influence who you approach, and the more clear you are with yourself about your desires, the more likely it is you will find a Dominatrix to match them.
Step 3: Search Terms Online That Match Your Desires and Geographical Location
Now you have a rough idea of location and a better idea of what kind of Dominatrix you’d like to submit to, I advise beginning on Google and jumping straight in. The majority of visitors to my website find me directly by searching organically like this, so it’s a perfect place to start. Let’s say for example you have decided you want to serve a Dominatrix in my own City of Manchester. Here are some popular search terms you can try, simply swapping out my city for yours:
‘Mistress in Manchester’ or ‘Manchester Mistress’ Dominatrix in Manchester’ or ‘Dominatrix Manchester’ Domme in Manchester’ or ‘Manchester Domme’ ‘FemDom in Manchester’ or ‘Manchester ‘FemDom’
Or alternatively, you could search for your particular kinks if they are specific enough. For example; ‘Foot Worship Manchester’ or ‘Manchester Foot Worship’ or ‘Foot Worship In Manchester’ ‘Orgasm Control Manchester’ or ‘Manchester Orgasm Control’ or ‘Orgasm Control In Manchester’ ‘Edging Manchester’ or ‘FemDom Edging Manchester’
Or, if there is a particular activity or specialist equipment you are dying to try, you can search for that too;‘ Venus 2000 Manchester’ or ‘Venus 2000 Mistress Manchester’ ‘Chastity Manchester’ or ‘Manchester Chastity’ using related keywords similar to: Manchester, Dominatrix, Mistress, Lola Ruin, Sensual Domination, BDSM, Playspace, Submissive, Kink, Fetish, Ruined Orgasms, Foot Worship, Slave Training, Filmed Sessions, Stress-relieving fun, Power Exchange, Custom-built, Tameside, Expertise, Cathartic, Bespoke Domination, Private Dungeon, Luxury, Submissives, Pleasure, Submission,
Slight variations on your search terms will bring up different results, but generally near the top you will often find ‘Directories’. These are worth delving into, alongside any individual Mistress sites Google throws at you.
Up To Date Adult Directory Contact Information
Once upon a time between the fall of contact magazines and the rise of social media, this was how most submissives found their Domme. Despite falling a little out of favour in recent years as Mistresses have grown more search engine and social media savvy, they are still worth browsing. Often ordered by location, it’s a great overview of who is available in specific areas, and many will also list specialities and even contact details.
However, if you find a Mistress on a directory, then be sure that isn’t where your search ends. I strongly recommend doing much more research than simply stumbling across a photo directory and contacting immediately, if you want to have the best session possible. Many of these directories may be out of date, and none will give you the ‘full picture’ of what a particular Dominatrix can offer you. However, if location is paramount to you, then it’s often a good place to begin. Follow the links listed on these directories to go and read their own websites.
If you find that despite both searching organically on Google and looking through Dominatrix Directories, you still haven’t found your ideal Domme, then unfortunately you may need to search further afield than your chosen location. Consider nearby major cities which are easily accessible to you, as most have a thriving FemDom scene, even if it’s a little more far than you hoped for!
Step 4. Read About Services from a professional dominatrix, equipment, adult toys and custom made accessories
By now, you have probably discovered a few professional Mistress websites, which is the perfect place to research their individual ethos, equipment, and style. Whilst no doubt many of you perverts will jump straight to the gallery page, I recommend taking note of the other available pages and pouring over each one.
Specifically, there will likely be far more revealing information on certain pages. Using my own website as an example, I’d recommend the most important pages for potential submissives to spend time on are About, Fetishes, Sessions, Testimonials and Blog
About (alternatively named ‘Ethos’, ‘Philosophy’, ‘Approach’…) This page will give you a good introduction to Mistresses style and interests. As you read… does it speak to you? Do you feel like the two of you would click and have fantastic D/s chemistry? If you’re looking for a cruel, unrelenting Dominatrix, consider whether they have used those words, or similar (stern, foreboding, traditional). Likewise, if you’re hoping to meet a more sensual Mistress, look for words like ‘playful’, ‘seductive’, etc. This will generally give you a good idea of whether you would enjoy submitting to this particular Dominatrix.
Fetishes (alternatively named ‘Sessions’, ‘Services’, ‘Interests’, ‘Kinks’…) This page tends to be more focused in exactly what Mistress is comfortable and capable of offering. It’s generally a list, or in my case, is grouped into certain ‘categories’ which captures whole areas of interest/related kinks. Here, you want to make sure that the Dominatrix offers the fantasies you are hoping to fulfil. This page will also generally include ‘off limit’ activities, and it’s always worth scanning this to make sure you are not asking for something which isn’t provided. You may also find details of both equipment and specialities here.
Sessions (alternatively called ‘Rates’, ‘Tribute’…) Here is where you will find all the different possibilities in terms of BDSM sessions on offer, alongside their costs. Not all Mistresses publish their tributes, in which case you should contact them directly to ask what tribute they require in order to see you.
Testimonials (alternatively called ‘Reviews’…) If a Dominatrix self publishes testimonials from her submissives, then here is where you can start to get a real flavour of what it would be like to submit. Many of my subs said that they loved delving into the stories of my previous subs experiences. If you are a novice and feeling nervous about potentially submitting to a Dominatrix, you may well find it helps to allay any concerns about booking yourself, if you can see how others experiences have been.
Blog (alternatively called ‘News’, ‘Updates’…) Once again, this is another great page to a get a flavour for the personality of a Mistress. Whilst more traditional ‘advertising’ copy may be used on her ‘About’ page, here is a chance to see some more long form writing. I am always surprised by how many of my submissives say it was my blog, more so than any other page of my website, which made them know I was the right Mistress for them.
Whilst I believe these tend to be the most informative and revealing pages of a Professional Mistress website, ideally you should spend time going through each and every page, especially if you are thinking of submitting a formal application to serve. Try to glean as much information as possible about your potential Dominatrix before you apply, so as to make the best first impression possible (more on that in a future blog post…). However, browsing through the pages I have listed will give you a really good idea of whether this is the right Professional Dominatrix for you.
Over the years I have spent time helping men understand what’s available, I document personal events and write articles, find more here:
Vanilla Corruption Party with Mistress Tess
Extended Experiences Blog
Personal Slave Experience
My Love of Ruined Orgasm
Personal Playspace Fantasies
London Tour 2017 Highlights
The Perils of Dating as a Dominatrix
Foot Worship 101 Techniques
Taking a Break from Domination
Back to Sessions for Submissives
Questions & Answers with Mistress
Bali and Birthday Celebrations
Holiday Updates & Adventures
Film Slaves Behind the Scenes
My Submissive Experience Revealed
Double Domme Summer Sessions with Mistress Foxx
24-Hour Servitude Challenge
Holiday Fun in Mistress’s World
Happy New Year Greetings from Domina
A Special Opportunity for Submissives
London Sessions in December
Control and Paying for the Illusion of It
My Love of Latex & Fetish Fashion
Ask Me Anything About BDSM
Make Me Happy with Your Submission
Behind the Scenes of Domination
Celebrating an Anniversary of Kink
Venus-2000: Ultimate Pleasure Device
Back to Filming BDSM Sessions
Reality vs. Fantasy in Domination
What Do You Do for a Living? Submissive Insights
Availability for Slave Selection
The Idiot’s Guide to Worshipping Pussy
The Healing Benefits of BDSM
Ruin Filmed by Duke: A Submissive Experience
Locked Up for Lola Ruin – Part 3
Locked Up for Lola Ruin – Part 2
Locked Up for Lola Ruin – Part 1
Diary of a Chastity Slave Revealed
In Defence of Porn: A Domme’s Perspective
Locked Up for Lola Ruin – Part 4
Manchester Dungeon Mistress Playspace
Tameside Sex Dungeon Dominatrix Playspace Manchester
How Much Does It Cost to Make High-Quality Dominatrix Porn?
Dominatrix Filming in Manchester: British Mistress Online
Orgasm Control & Edging Tips from a Dominatrix
Becoming My Personal Bitch
Manchester Mistress Domme Vulnerability
Manchester Mistress BDSM Domme Adventures
UK Professional Dominatrix Tips for Submissive Slaves
Once you have spent a good while pursuing a Dommes website, take a look to see if there are links to social media profiles listed. If you find them, then we can move onto the next step…
Step 5. Manchester Social Media Prescence – Submissive Slaves Research Their Perfect Domme
Whilst BDSM sessions can make for a wonderful experience for a submissive, it’s vital that you approach only those who seem to be both professional and serious practitioners. Of course it can be exciting gallery hopping and looking at pretty Dominant ladies… but without fully researching them, it is difficult to gage personality, skill, and experience level from sexy photos alone.
So, after Google, Directories and Websites, where should you look next? I recommend then researching even more by clicking on any social media icons or links listed on a Dominatrix website (for example, you can find icons to my own social media profiles in the top right corner on desktop, and in the footer of each page on mobile)
Twitter
In particular you should look out for a link to Twitter or a ‘bird’ icon. Twitter is by far the most friendly and popular social media platform for Mistresses, due to it being one of the only one that allows explicit/adult material. Whilst Instagram is also popular, it remains more hostile and Mistresses will often lose their accounts unknowingly, so don’t be disheartened should you stumble across a broken link.
Whilst many Mistresses do not allow messaging or DM function on their social media profiles, viewing or following their accounts will give you a glimpse into both their lives and persona. They’ll likely have not only more photos in general than on their website, but more recent photos too. Take some time to browse their profile, and see if you believe you’d have chemistry. Social media is the perfect place for Professional Mistresses to demonstrate their skills, experience and professionalism, as well as their personality and style. It’s (usually) a window to something a little more relatable and dynamic than a website alone.
A Note On Catfish Accounts
Unfortunately, all social media platforms have become rife with fake accounts posing as Professional Dominatrixes. They will often use stolen photos of established Mistresses, and they post incredibly convincingly. Beware of these fraudulent accounts. They are simply trying to extort money from you when you’re in a moment of horniness by using the names and likeness of established practitioners.
Should you find a Mistress on a social media website, be sure to click through their listed links until you find their website, and verify that the website does indeed lead to the same social media profile. Be cautious if they don’t have a website, or a wider presence across the internet. Take note of the username… is it a unique name, or is it anonymised such as ‘Mist012345’? Be extra cautious and make sure you research every Dominatrix you are considering sending money to.
So, let’s say you have spent some time pouring over a website and then their social media profile, and they seem perfect for you and who you would love to approach. What do I recommend you do next?
Step 6. Online Dominatrix Videos, Order Personalised Videos, Record our Playspace Sessions Together
By now, you should have noticed a pattern. My key piece of advice when you are looking for a Professional Dominatrix to serve, is to DO YOUR RESEARCH. That means putting time, and in this final step maybe even money, towards your search for your perfect Mistress.
My final piece of advice and truthfully my top tip for researching your chosen Mistress is, before you even think about applying, take some time to see if this particular Mistress has either clipstores like Clips4sale or IWantClips, or a fansite like OnlyFans or LoyalFans. They may even post short, free previews to PornHub.
A Small Investment – View and Order Fantasy Play Clips
An hour session with me costs almost 20 times what the majority of my clips cost to purchase, or what it costs for an entire month subscription on my LoyalFans. Pretty much any Mistress who films will have a similar price discrepancy between their in person fantasy play and their content. If you are seriously considering serving a particular Mistress, and paying the large tribute required to do some, a $10 clip to really gage their style is a tiny investment in your own pleasure.
I highly recommend browsing their back catalogues, picking a clip that speaks to your fetishes, and buying it. Even if you don’t usually enjoy watching clips for fun, this will be a good indication of their style of play, which no amount of website copy or social media posts can convey. If they specialise in your personal kinks, then you should have ample content to choose from.
Either you will find that this particular Domme doesn’t gel with your fantasies as well as you thought they may have, and you will have saved yourself 20 times the cost of a session, or they really are as perfect as all your previous research led you to believe (and the clip will get you excited for your upcoming meet!)
A Final Note
It is vital that you take your time to find someone compatible with you, if you want to have the best session possible, regardless of whether you believe this will be a one-off session, or the start of a long-term D/s dynamic. The more information you have researched about a Mistress the more likely it is you know they will be a good chemistry match for you, that they specialise in exactly what you are hoping to explore, and that they have the right skills and experience to honour that for you. By the same logic, the less time you spend researching, the more likely you will submit to a Dominatrix who is incompatible with your desires and the more likely you are to make a bad first impression.
Among the many changes brought about by recent events, the sudden explosion of new workers entering the world of sex work has been one of the most noticeable. Largely due to the vast number of people who needed a way to make money from their own homes turning to OnlyFans, this expansion has spread out to other areas of sex work.
The world of Domination calls to many, and those of Us who are established in our field will often be inundated with requests for advice on the industry - how to enter it, where to start, and how to be successful. As someone who was once a young beginner, it is now important to Me that I offer the same generosity of spirit that was afforded to Me. Without the guidance of established and wiser Dommes teaching me the ropes, I would not be where I am today. There is a lot to learn for new Dommes, but my top 5 tips for those of you who are brand new to the industry would be as follows;
Choose A Unique Name
First, you need to choose a name. Your Domina name should reflect the essence of the domination you will offer to the world. It should also be unique. Not only so that you stand out and are easily identifiable for the submissives who wish to serve you, but also because choosing a name already belonging to an established Domina is considered extremely poor form in the world of BDSM. There is no need to copy someone more successful than you, and if you try, all that means is that you will struggle to compete online against the very Domme you have copied. After all, she's already there and has her territory is carved out. Better that you choose a name that is entirely your own so that you can forge your own unique brand. This will not only help submissives to recognise you, but will help when it comes to online marketing and search engine optimisation.
I say this as someone who made this very mistake... Lola is common name amongst sex workers, and I wish I had chosen something more original. However, I've worked long and hard and I've made it work for me (with the help of a second name Ruin). Anyone who chooses either the name Lola or Ruin now is going to face an uphill struggle against me and the internet presence I have been slowly building for a decade.
Choose a first and a last name, something which reflects you and your style of Domination, and do some research to make sure no one else is using it! The last thing you want to do is cause friction with other Dommes and create a lot more work for yourself as you try to compete down the line.
Research Kinks
Second, research. There are as many flavours of kink as there are kinky people. You will need to have a strong grounding in a wide variety of kinks and fetishes to begin with. Consider the variety of fetishes there are: ABDL to sounding to whipping to tie and tease. Also consider how each of these may fit better with different archetypes of Domination: Stern Mommy, Teasing Goddess, Evil Nurse, Cruel Dominatrix. Once you are familiar with them, then you can then begin to identify which ones you can cater to, how to do so safely, and which ones you won't be able to offer, either because they don't fit in with your archetype or because you do not have the safety training or equipment.
Even if you are only planning to produce online content, a convincing and skillful video requires a thorough knowledge of the fetish or act being described or portrayed. Producing a 'latex fetish' clip when you are actually wearing PVC will not win you any fans in either the Domination or submissive community. Submissives care deeply about their fetishes, and it is important you portray them accurately.
Read as many blogs and books as you can, attend workshops, pay for content or sessions to educate yourself. Some Dommes may even be happy to mentor you or allow you to shadow them, however you should consider they may well charge for their time. Try to soak up as much information as possible, and don't offer anything you don't yet know how to do safely. Later on you can hone down into your specialities, but to begin with I recommend just being a sponge for knowledge.
Have Clear Boundaries And Stick To Them
Fourth, and it is important you think about this one carefully, boundaries. Your boundaries as a Domme will not spring out fully formed like Athena from the head of Zeus, you need to consider them in detail after the research you did in step two. What are you comfortable doing, what services are you comfortable providing, what avenues of communication are you going to offer submissives? Your boundaries will, over time and with experience, naturally shift and evolve. That's normal, and a regular check in with yourself every so often will help you to keep track of how your internal world is adapting. It is vital however that you remember that the only person who can shift or alter these boundaries is you. Not a submissive or their wallet.
No matter what your boundaries are, there will be submissives who will try to push them. They will ask to sleep with you, they will beg you to offer fetishes you don't, they will contact you at ungodly hours and pour out their hearts and souls as though you are the only person in the world who could help them (apparently therapists don't exist). Be prepared for how you will respond when they do.
And then there will be some who will do all of the above but with an attachment of very tempting cash. You will have to decide what you are comfortable with, but trust me when I say that no amount of money is worth you feeling like you have betrayed yourself. Every single time I've flexed on my boundaries, I've regretted it, mostly because submissives who do not respect your boundaries are not good submissives. Your time, energy and well being is precious and you should protect it, even when a cash injection looks tempting.
Diversify Your Income
Third, diversify how you make your money. While everyone has strengths and preferences, a Domme who only produces content for one specific niche on one specific platform will quickly run into trouble when the payment processors ban that fetish, or the platform is shut down. As we saw when Onlyfans banned explicit adult content, there is no guarantee that a platform will be available to you forever. And as we saw during the pandemic, even relying solely on sessions is not a good idea (although I very much hope another pandemic is not on the horizon!)
If working online, make sure your work across a range of different platforms so that your brand can reach a wider audience and you have options in case a pesky credit card decides to refuse to work with a particular website. And if you work solely offline, consider opening a fan club just to supplement your session income. Being able to turn a side hustle into a main hustle is much easier than suddenly having to learn a brand new way of working under financial pressure. No one wants to be stuck with no income at short notice.
A quick side note about New Girl Money... when you first come onto the scene, you may find yourself inundated and making more money than ever before. Do not rely on this to last forever, because quite often that initial rush will dry up and then it can take years to really hone your hustle. I know it can be tempting to blow all that new cash on a bunch of Louboutins, but do not be frivolous. Until you are more established and the flow of sessions is more predictable, it pays to be frugal and just keep reinvesting in your business. New Girl Money can end abruptly, so plan ahead for those rainy days!
Schedule Both Work And Down Time
Fifth, scheduling. It is a truth universally acknowledged among all self employed people that it is dangerously easy to work non-stop. Id say this is especially true for Dominatrixes, as our work tends not just to be our work, but also our lifestyles. There's always more work to be done, you will find your to do list only ever gets bigger, and that can easily lead to finding yourself working into the early hours after everyone else has gone to bed. The work that we do is intensive and can take a lot of energy, and once burn out has gotten it's claws into you, it can become the most difficult job in the world. Self care is paramount to avoid that, so schedule in your working hours and stick to them. Schedule in full days off, and make them non-negotiable. No submissive and no amount of money is worth your well being, and when you have a schedule, your submissives will learn to work around you.
I know this can be difficult, especially when you see established Dommes doing everything all the time making it look easy. But here is a secret... many established Dommes have hired help. I personally have 3 different people I pay to help me run my business, and once you are making enough money I strongly recommend you do the same. Until then, do what you can and focus on building your brand, and do not compare yourself to those who are 5, 10 or 20 years down the line. You'll get there eventually, as long as you balance your hard work with scheduled self care.
Good Luck!
I very much hope that any new Dommes reading this feel both informed and inspired going forward. Remember that this work allows for all different styles of Domination and all different ways of working, and it'll take a while to find your groove. Until then, stay sharp and have fun exploring and experimenting as you build your own Fempire 🙂
My Manchester Playspace - The Perfect FemDom Edging Tease
Just imagine being strapped down tightly in my playspace. Naked on my leather bench, your body pulled taunt by the rope I’ve laced you into. Blindfolded and vulnerable, all you can hear is the gentle tapping of my high heels, circling you like prey. You feel some cold, liquid lubricant slowly drip on your cock. You hear my evil laugh pierce the silence as I watch you squirm from the shock of it. Then, you feel something slide onto you, and rhythmically start stroking you. I tell you its my favourite toy, The Venus 2000.
‘This allows me to control your pleasure with just the touch of a dial...’
I demonstrate by turning it up, and you arch upwards and deeper into it as you’re flooded with the sensation. Then, I begin to toy with you. The Venus fluctuates it speed up and down and I turn the dial. Grindingly, teasingly slow all the way up to furious pumping. You sink deeper into a submissive bliss, losing all control to me as you begin inching ever closer to that incredible explosion of pleasure you crave so much. And then, just as you reach the very edge, right on the cusp of what you know will be a mind blowing orgasm…. I STOP. Your body freezes, suspended in frustration for me.
‘My poor little submissive… you didn’t think it was going to be that easy did you? You need to remember, I own your cock now. Let’s start right from the beginning, all over again…’
You are at once totally deflated by this denial, and indescribably excited for me to continue. You hope that maybe this time, I might allow you some release, but you also know you won’t find out what my intentions are until the very last second…
…This, dear readers, is why I love Orgasm Control.
It is the ultimate mind fuck.
Of course, the ways in which I can control that orgasm are varied, ranging from total, repeated denial right through to multiple forced orgasms, milking you under you are completely dry. Each one serves it own purpose in training you to be the very best toy for me you can possibly be.
Types of Orgasm Control, Denial and Edging
Chastity Play
So much of BDSM is about memory. The anticipation as you apply for a session. Your imagination running wild about what might happen after I have accepted you. Then comes the day itself, the nervous butterflies and the experience of being totally present in your body, thoughtless whilst in my company. The weeks after you spend replaying it whilst masturbating furiously. The memories slowly fade, as do whatever marks I may have bestowed upon you…
Chastity is an wonderful way to prolong this. Not only do I decide what you experience when in my playspace, but now I also own your cock 24/7. Unlike those marks that may fade away, or the memories that become blurrier with time, the tight cage encasing you will serve as a constant reminder of your servitude. A constant reminder that your pleasure belongs to me now, your orgasm is totally under my control. Only when I decide to unlock you will you be free again.
Edging and Orgasm Denial
Repeatedly denying your pleasure is another form of orgasm control I use in most of my sessions. Not only will it make total denial even more unbearable, or any eventual orgasm I allow much more powerful (unless of course I decide to ruin… more on that later), but for many of you it seems to push you even deeper into submission for me. As a Domme, I find this both useful, and endlessly entertaining.
Occasionally, I like to begin my sessions by instructing you to edge yourselves a few times right away whilst at my feet. Let’s start as we mean to go on. With each edging, I can see your headspace deepening even more, watching you falling further under my spell. And of course, frustrated boys are always more obedient. So many of you beg me, saying you will do literally anything for a pay off. It’s constantly amusing to me how much more subservient you become when your pleasure is literally hanging in the balance.
Ruined Orgasm
I’ve spoken at length about ruined orgasms before, and it is truly the ultimate mind fuck. To build your excitement up and up, pushing you further and further towards release before withdrawing all stimulation at the very last second… laughing as you watch the sad, unsatisfying orgasm pathetically dribble out of your cock whilst experiencing none of the usual release. Such sweet psychological torment.
I especially love mixing this in with other forms of orgasm control. Just imagine spending a long month in chastity for me. That cage growing tighter everyday as your desire grows to serve me. Then, I unlock you and edge you 20 times in a row, each one even more teasing than the last. Then finally, I say I will allow you a pay off. You have taken orgasm control so well, I will allow you release… only to abandon it at the last second. So delightfully cruel.
And best of all, we can do it over and over again. The secret to the male multiple orgasm is in repeatedly ruining you at just the right moment…
Forced Orgasm and Milking
Dare I say, my least favourite of all forms of orgasm control, for obvious reasons. I much prefer denying your pleasure than allowing you any at all. I enjoy watching you squirm and beg. But, occasionally, I do like to reward my boys should they have done enough to earn it.
Though I may allow you such pleasure, this is naturally still totally under my control. You will only experience this pleasure should I so decide, and as you know I could change my mind at the very last second and still ruin you (teasing you about that throughout the entire build up, lest you forget). Or, even worst…
Post Orgasm Torment
You know how everything becomes ultra-sensitive right after you orgasm? That makes it exactly the perfect moment to inflict some pain upon you. Whether that be as punishment for earlier infractions, or maybe just to immediately pay for the pleasure you enjoyed… nothing stings more than some post orgasm torment.
This could just be as simple and continuing to stroke, the exact same stroking that just gave you so much pleasure now melting away and feeling painfully intense. Or maybe a few little well times flicks of my stiletto nails right into those extra sensitive balls? Or a few strikes of a whip across your cock to help it deflate even faster… Watching you switch immediately from pleasure to pain is always hysterical in the cruellest way possible.
I wonder, dear reader, if you love orgasm control as much as I do? It doesn’t really matter either way, because you will learn to love it if you wish to please me. And the best way to please me is to practise yourself.
I want you pick one of the above, and do it to yourself the next time you masturbate. Whether that be a month in chastity, 10 edgings in a row, a few ruined orgasms spread throughout the day or inflicting some pain on yourself as soon as you release. All the time remembering that I control your orgasms now.
I know it’s not quite the same when you do it to yourself. But, you can just imagine you’re strapped down tightly in my playspace instead…
Well... things have changed pretty drastically since my last blog to you all haven't they? I very much hope you and your loved ones are keeping happy, healthy and safe in amongst this craziness.
I closed my playspace doors back in Mid-March, prior to the official lockdown... and as yet, it pains me to say I have no plans to re-open them.
Truthfully, I would be quite shocked if I will be back to sessions before 2021. Even when my doors do open again, I may begin with only a select few submissives... my regulars, those who had cancelled sessions, and those who have already paid deposits. For those of you who were quietly gathering up the courage to finally take the plunge and serve me, but had yet to contact me to arrange, sadly it seems you will be waiting quite a long time...
So, what is a poor depraved and deprived pervert like you supposed to do?
OBVIOUSLY you should be subscribing to my OnlyFans, AVN stars and binge purchasing my videos, of course! 😉
Lockdown Filming - Buy Personalised Videos by Request
In all seriousness... Lockdown has finally given me some dedicated time to really dive into video production. I first began filming videos seriously in my 2nd year of being a Dominatrix, so I've certainly had plenty of practice. But as a predominantly sessioning Dominatrix, I simply haven't had the time to dedicate to researching more and more about filming. Until now.
How would you personalise your video? Remember, the recording is for you to own. What would you like to include? Discover all the details by completing my Application to Serve today 😉
4K Upgrade from HD - Glorious Delicious Details - Clarity in Full Colour
I've spent the last 6 months investing in swaths of new equipment... an entire new set of lighting, a brand new microphone, incredible lenses, backdrops, props, and I'll soon be upgrading my camera from Full HD to glorious 4k. My bank balance might hate me... but my clip connoisseurs are loving me. And of course they are. Along with new equipment, I've also been investing most of my time in gaining new knowledge and expertise... And I am so pleased with the results!
I have always prided myself on creating high quality content, but finally having some time to experiment, to trial and error, to play, to learn new editing techniques... it has certainly been a silver lining of lockdown. This last 6 months has also allowed me to freedom to finally explore some artistry with my clips. To feel as though I am creating something special for you subs to purchase. I have been getting some wonderful feedback from my fans, and this makes all the work seem more than worthwhile.
As mentioned, I have no plans to begin sessions again any time soon. So, right now, custom videos are the only way to get your kink fix from me. Personally, I LOVE creating custom videos for my submissives... to hear your ideas and suggestions, take them and run wild with my imagination, putting my own kinky twist on it and turning it into a magical piece of film you will cherish (and jerk off to) forever...
What would you like me to film? Imagine your Mistress being available whenever you access your video file. What do you fancy? Let's Begin: Complete your Application to Serve now.
Seeing as we are on the subject of filming, I am also going to take a moment to really encourage anyone reading this that... even if you don't want to buy the content I produce, I really hope that you do *buy your porn*. I know it's easy to hop onto a tube website, quickly jerk off and never think about it again. But the content you consume for free... someone paid to make it. Someone spent years honing their skills in production, invested £1000's in equipment, and gave their time and energy to create that for you to watch. And right now, many sex workers are facing a real unknown.
Many content producers have seen their incomes decimated as a result of COVID, and sex workers in general struggle to access government help (for obvious reasons). If you have never bought porn before, right now is the BEST time to start. Especially with the advent of subscription websites, you can get an incredible amount of content for a great price.
Not only will you feel warm and fuzzy that you are supporting sex workers whose content you love, but the orgasms feel better... I promise 😉
Today I want to write you all a blog about what exactly goes into creating FemDom Porn... and why you should be paying for it.
PornHub and its Legacy
Quite a few of you have probably noticed PornHub hitting the headlines again recently, after an expose into abusive and non-consensual content in The New York Times. This article quickly lead to Visa/Mastercard pulling their payment processing. In response, Pornhub did a sweeping reform of their website. Now, only verified accounts are allowed to upload content (really good!), but as yet Visa and Mastercard have yet to reinstate payment processing (really bad, especially for performers who rely on this income, during a winter pandemic, 2 weeks before Christmas...)
FemDom Porn on YouTube and Pornhub
Pornhub has a long and torrid history when it comes to sex workers. If you want to learn more, I highly recommend Jon Ronsons Audible series 'The Butterfly Effect'. But, a quick rundown was the spark of an idea to create 'YouTube for Porn', way back in 2007. They allowed anyone to upload content, with no verification of who the uploaders were or where that content came from. Soon enough, they were quickly averaging 1 million hits a month, and the content was being uploaded far faster than DMCA notices from the owners of that content could take it down. Copycat websites popped up all over, and porn became readily and freely available for everyone with an internet connection. These days, PornHub is estimated to be the 10th most visited website in the world (shooting up to 9th during lockdown). It has trillions of monthly visits, with more hits than Amazon, Netflix or Reddit.
Tube sites like PornHub fundamentally changed the way our industry works. Many porn studios closed, as a pleathora of free content made it much more difficult for performers and producers to earn a living (especially true for 'vanilla' porn as opposed to more niche 'FemDom Porn'). But, these sites changed the way most people even think about porn. The vast majority of porn consumers will never pay for it, crying... 'Why should I pay when I can get it for free?'
Of course, therein lies the problem... most porn ISNT free. Most porn, unless a verified model uploaded it, is stolen. And this Tube site model directly takes money out of the hands of sex workers... an already disempowered, marginalised and criminalised group of people.
In today's blog I am hoping I can convince you to pay for your content, by allowing you a peek behind what goes into it's production. This is especially pertinent right now during a pandemic. Porn use has skyrocketed during lockdowns, whilst sex workers have been left scrambling for new income revenues. If ever there was a time to start paying for your porn, it is now.
The Cost of 'Free' FemDom, The Equipment Required to Record Dominatrix Porn
Whilst you can easily find porn that is free to watch, porn is far from free to actually create. Even more than that, I suspect that most people vastly underestimate just how much money it takes to create quality content.
Take the following screengrab of a recent clip as an example. Looking at this clip, it isn't all that fancy. It's just a simple POV with a simple, skimpy outfit and a single prop. This clip is around 10 minutes long, and I would sell it for $10.99. Take a moment to really just look at this image before reading ahead. Take a wild guess at how much money you think it cost for all the equipment to produce this.
Just how much does FemDom porn cost to produce?
Cost Calculation of Superior Quality Dominatrix Porn Audio and Visual Equipment
I posed this same question on twitter, and guesses ranged from £200 to £3000. Most people seemed to settle around £1000-£2000 range. But, not a single person actually managed to guess the correct amount. So, let me break it down into cold, hard figures...
Video: My DSLR Camera, with a specialist lens, a good tripod, stills remote and SD card : £1250
Lighting: A 4 point lighting set up, with assorted stands and light modifiers : £1500
Audio: My microphone, boomstand and extension lead to record off camera : £400
Setting: A plain background, backdrop stands, chasie and props : £350
Model: My outfit/hair/makeup (including the Louboutin shoes you can't actually see in this shot) : £800
Editing: A specialist creators laptop, which I use ONLY for editing, and software : £2200
Total Cost of Recording Equipment and Time Creating FemDom Porn = £6500
How close was your guess? If you guessed less (which I am almost certain you did), by how much did you underestimate it? Does knowing the true cost make you question the idea of 'free' pornography?
Bear in mind, this is only for the equipment I used for this specific clip. I actually have lots more equipment I swap out for different clips. More backdrops, more lighting and modifiers, different lenses, MUCH more expensive outfits/BDSM toys/props and so on. The total above doesn't include any of that extra equipment I also use regularly. Of course, I use all this equipment over and over again. It's not a one off cost, but an investment into a wider business of content creation. It certainly doesn't cost me this much money every time I make a clip (I would be out of business FAST if that were the case!). But, the point I want to make is, when £6500 worth of equipment goes into making a clip... surely the purchase price of $10.99 seems more than reasonable, right?
FemDom Porn not only takes extensive equipment, but also time and expertise
Making FemDom pornography is not only an expensive business, but a time consuming one. And of course, that £6500 figure above doesn't include my time or my expertise. Creating content is a full time job, which many of us do on top of other forms of sex work. Most of us also do real time, phone and webcam sessions, as well as create content. Not only is it a full time job, but we actually do the job of what many different people would do on a 'traditional' film set. So, let me also break down my time...
You're not just paying for my time, you're paying for a decade of experience too
For this clip, I only spent 10 minutes in front of the camera. But before I filmed this clip, I spent time really planning it out. Coming up with the idea/concept, and writing out a rough (or detailed) script. Deciding how I want to set it up, light it, and shoot it. Picking and polishing my outfit and props. And of course, a couple of hours to perfect my make up and hair (sorry to burst your bubble, I did not wake up like this!)
Once I've finished actually filming, then I'll move onto editing. This can sometimes be fairly quick and straightforward. Occasionally, it might include long tangents on Google and/or YouTube, learning new editing techniques to hone the vision I have for it. I may also spend some time searching through stock footage/music to include (which I will also pay a fee to use). Then, more hours spent writing descriptions, creating previews and video GIFs, and uploading them all to the various clip websites in the correct categories and keywords to make sure you can find them.
I couldn't estimate the sheer amount of time (or actual money) I have spent on different editing, lighting and photography courses learning exactly how to do all of this. Add to that, I have close to a decade of personal and professional play experience. All of which get's distilled into that little 10 minute monologue in my clip. Suffice to say, I have sunk hours upon hours upon hours finetuning my craft. I pour my heart into creating content which I love, and that I sincerely hope you will love too.
And once all that knowledge, money, expertise and creativity is crafted into a clip, uploaded and sold online? Well, then I will also spend hours upon hours trawling Tube sites and shitty forums, finding the pirated copies of it (if I find them at all), and then writing and submitting DMCA takedown notices to those websites, which they may or may not ever take notice of, and which even IF it gets taken down, will likely get uploaded again a few days later...
...Are you tearing your hair out on my behalf yet?
The takeaway from this is... Porn is a luxury, to produce AND to buy. But if you ask me, you are getting a shit-hot deal even when you do buy it, considering all that we pour into making it. The only reason you think you don't is because you have bought into a culture of 'porn is, and should, be free'. Which again... is not and has never been true.
Have another £6500 shot, might as well make the most of it!
'Most FemDom Porn Performers Are Loaded, They Dont Need Me To Pay!'
Here, I want to let you into a real secret... MOST sex workers are not FemDoms answer to Jeff Bezos. Of course, some make great money, but some make very little. Most of us fall somewhere on the spectrum in between. However... pretty much ALL of us market ourselves in an expensive, polished and glamourous way. This is especially true of Dominatrices, and FinDoms in particular.
Sex work is Class Drag. Most of us brand ourselves just as carefully as we produce our content. We present a honed aesthetic which is not a reflection of our true selves, but a creation we have made specifically to titillate you. We are walking fantasies, and we project our most polished versions. Those screenshots you see of us dripping in jewellery surrounded by mounds of cash? They are a reflection of our branding and marketing, and whilst they can contain some truth, they are also creations we have made for the sole purpose of your viewing pleasure.
In the same way most of my twitter followers guessed that above clip cost a lot less to produce than it actually did, I'd be willing to bet most of them would also guess my yearly wage is considerably higher than it is. So, when you make the assumption we are all loaded, that is based on carefully curated images we create of us looking polished as fuck, you are confusing reality with the 'fantasy' of our branding.
Make no mistake, that many sex workers, especially during this pandemic, are struggling to get by. But of course, not many of us are going to reveal personal struggles publicly.
I'd like to share one of my own experiences to illustrate this point. Years ago, I took a break from work in order to look after my mental health after a difficult couple of years. As I couldn't accept sessions or film, I took out a credit card to support myself. At this same time this happened, I found a bunch of my pirated content. The combined views totalled close to $500,000 worth of revenue. I truly cannot describe how sad I felt, to run into debt just to survive as SO MANY people enjoyed my content, but refused to actually compensate me for that labour. Just think if 1% of those people had bought that clip instead. I could have comfortably looked after myself in my time of need.
(Side note: Those of you who bought my content during that time? THANK YOU. You have no idea how much I appreciated it)
Many sex workers are in that same, barely surviving position right now. That is a direct result of the culture of free porn, which simultaneously consumes their content, and yet refuses to support them.
The Rise of the FanClubs
Finally, I want to say that with the rise of fanclubs such as OnlyFans and AVNStars, I don't believe there is any excuse not to pay for porn anymore (if there ever was one). You can get a monthly subscription to your favourite models even more easily and cheaply than before. The amount of content available on most FanClubs is incredible. Plus, you know that you are directly supporting that model you love. It's a win-win situation!
Just as lots of us are becoming more conscious about all of our purchases, I'm going to encourage you to apply those same ethics to the pornography you consume. Recognise that lots of time, money and expertise went into creating that for you. Behind every clip you watch, that there are people relying on your purchase of it to survive.
Just like we pay our monthly subscriptions to Spotify, Netflix, Amazon Prime... why should our pornography be any different? Especially when it's arguable that sex workers need our collective support more than massive corporations. Right now, creating content is the only safe way for sex workers to keep a roof over our heads until we are the other side of COVID. Our careers are deeply stigmatised during the best of times, and the pandemic has only made our lives harder. Actually buying our content is not only fair, but the moral and ethical thing to do.
In a world that routinely fucks us over, you can actively choose instead to support us. Buy our clips, sign up to our fanclubs. Tweet your praise, and encourage others to do the same. Request your own Custom Clip (seriously, custom clips are so special, and are a great way to support your favourite producers). And, if you see any of our pirated content, let us know so we can have it removed.
One last shot, as a reward for reading so far!
Now... let's say you've made it all the way to the end of my blog. And... you still don't want to pay for your porn. If thats the case, I'd like to invite you to reflect on the following questions... Why do you feel entitled to the free sexual labour of strangers? Why do you expect a marginalised group of people, who have been some of the hardest hit by 2020, to not be compensated for the work they lovingly created that you enjoyed? And, is a person who values their momentary physical pleasure over the ability of a criminalised group of people to survive, really the kind of person you want to be?
Seriously, pay for your fucking porn. I promise you, ethical orgasms feel even better 😉
